Chapter II
第二章
I cannot recall what happened during the first months after my illness. I only know that I sat in my mother's lap or clung to her dress as she went about her household duties. My hands felt every object and observed every motion, and in this way I learned to know many things. Soon I felt the need of some communication with others and began to make crude signs. A shake of the head meant "No" and a nod, "Yes," a pull meant "Come" and a push, "Go." Was it bread that I wanted? Then I would imitate the acts of cutting the slices and buttering them. If I wanted my mother to make ice-cream for dinner I made the sign for working the freezer and shivered, indicating cold. My mother, moreover, succeeded in making me understand a good deal. I always knew when she wished me to bring her something, and I would run upstairs or anywhere else she indicated. Indeed, I owe to her loving wisdom all that was bright and good in my long night.
在我生病之后的头一个月里发生了什么，我已经记不得了。我只知道我曾坐在母亲的腿上，或者在她做家务的时候紧紧地依附在她的衣服上。我的双手可以感知每一种物体的形状，也可以“观察”每一个移动的物体，正是通过这种方式，我了解了许多事情。后来，我觉得我需要同他人进行交流，于是我开始做出一些简单的举动。比如用摇头表示“不”，用点头表示“行”；往回拉的动作表示“回来”，向外推则表示“去”。如果我想吃面包怎么办？我会模仿切面包片，然后往上涂抹黄油的动作。假如我想让母亲在晚餐时做点冰激凌吃，我就会做出搅动和浑身颤抖的动作，这表示“冰凉”。此外，我的母亲也成功地让我领会了很多事情。当她想让我为她拿东西的时候，我马上就能理解，我会跑到楼上或者她告诉我的其他任何地方。事实上，在夤夜漫漫的生活中，我要感谢母亲用她富于智慧的无私之爱驱除掉我身边的黑暗，让我体会到生命的美好。
I understood a good deal of what was going on about me. At five I learned to fold and put away the clean clothes when they were brought in from the laundry, and I distinguished my own from the rest. I knew by the way my mother and aunt dressed when they were going out, and I invariably begged to go with them. I was always sent for when there was company, and when the guests took their leave, I waved my hand to them, I think with a vague remembrance of the meaning of the gesture. One day some gentlemen called on my mother, and I felt the shutting of the front door and other sounds that indicated their arrival. On a sudden thought I ran upstairs before any one could stop me, to put on my idea of a company dress. Standing before the mirror, as I had seen others do, I anointed mine head with oil and covered my face thickly with powder. Then I pinned a veil over my head so that it covered my face and fell in folds down to my shoulders, and tied an enormous bustle round my small waist, so that it dangled behind, almost meeting the hem of my skirt. Thus attired I went down to help entertain the company.
我明白我的未来所面临的巨大考验。在我五岁的时候，我学会了把干净的衣服叠好并且收起来，而且，在洗衣房送来的衣物中，我会辨别出哪些是自己的衣服。通过这种方式，我也顺便知道了母亲和姨妈会在什么时候外出。我总是央求她们带我一起去。家里有客人来的时候，我会主动打招呼；当他们走的时候，我会朝他们挥手道别。当然，关于那些手势的记忆是含混不清的。有一天，一些绅士邀请我母亲外出，我感觉到了大门关闭的震动和他们离去的声音。一个突如其来的念头令我跑上了楼，我穿上了外出的礼服，站在镜子前。就像其他人做的那样，我往自己的头上抹油，还往自己的脸上涂满厚厚的香粉。随后，我在头上别了一块面纱，于是我的脸和肩膀全都埋进了面纱的褶皱里。我还在腰间系了一个硕大的绳结，绳结悬垂在身后，几乎碰到了裙角。带着这身打扮，我会下楼逗众人开心。
I do not remember when I first realized that I was different from other people; but I knew it before my teacher came to me. I had noticed that my mother and my friends did not use signs as I did when they wanted anything done, but talked with their mouths. Sometimes I stood between two persons who were conversing and touched their lips. I could not understand, and was vexed. I moved my lips and gesticulated frantically without result. This made me so angry at times that I kicked and screamed until I was exhausted.
至于我第一次意识到自己同别人不同时的感受，我已经不记得了；但是在我的老师到来之前，我就知道自己与众不同。我注意到我的母亲和我的朋友们都不像我这样，她们在做事时不会使用手势，而是用嘴交谈就行了。有时候，我会站在两个谈话的大人之间，用手去摸他们的嘴唇。我无法理解，而且懊恼异常。于是，我试着移动自己的嘴唇，并且疯狂而徒劳地进行模仿。无奈的举动令我如此愤怒，我又踢又叫，直至筋疲力尽。
I think I knew when I was naughty, for I knew that it hurt Ella, my nurse, to kick her, and when my fit of temper was over I had a feeling akin to regret. But I cannot remember any instance in which this feeling prevented me from repeating the naughtiness when I failed to get what I wanted.
我想，那时候我知道自己的乖戾顽皮，因为我记得我伤害过我的保姆埃拉，我曾踢过她。狂暴过后，我就会生出几分懊悔，但是我不记得这种歉疚感有没有令我的胡闹收敛一些。
In those days a little coloured girl, Martha Washington, the child of our cook, and Belle, an old setter and a great hunter in her day, were my constant companions. Martha Washington understood my signs, and I seldom had any difficulty in making her do just as I wished. It pleased me to domineer over her, and she generally submitted to my tyranny rather than risk a hand-to-hand encounter. I was strong, active, indifferent to consequences. I knew my own mind well enough and always had my own way, even if I had to fight tooth and nail for it. We spent a great deal of time in the kitchen, kneading dough balls, helping make ice-cream, grinding coffee, quarreling over the cake-bowl, and feeding the hens and turkeys that swarmed about the kitchen steps. Many of them were so tame that they would eat from my hand and let me feel them. One big gobbler snatched a tomato from me one day and ran away with it. Inspired, perhaps, by Master Gobbler's success, we carried off to the woodpile a cake which the cook had justfrosted, and ate every bit of it. I was quite ill afterward, and I wonder if retribution also overtook the turkey.
在早年的岁月，我有两个忠实的伙伴，那个打扮得花枝招展的小姑娘叫玛莎·华盛顿，她是我家厨师的孩子；还有贝拉，她是一只非常出色的老猎犬。玛莎·华盛顿明白我的手势，所以同她交流我很少遇到困难，她总是能够听命于我。在她面前发号施令让我感到高兴。在通常情况下，她总是迁就于我的蛮横和专制，而且不会冒险同我作正面冲突。我感受着自己的强大，进取，而并不在意后果如何。我十分清楚自己的念头，但总是一意孤行，我甚至会用牙齿和指甲相胁，以此来满足自己的要求。我们花了大量的时间在厨房里帮工，揉面团儿，做冰激凌，研磨咖啡豆，为烤制蛋糕争吵不休，给聚集在厨房台阶上的母鸡和火鸡喂食。这些家禽都很温顺，它们会从我手里取食，从而让我感受到它们的存在。有一天，一只硕大的雄火鸡从我手里叼走了一个番茄，然后迅速跑掉了。当时，或许是受到了“高博勒先生”成功经验的鼓舞，我们赢得了一个蛋糕，厨子刚刚在上面撒了一层糖霜，蛋糕被我们一点一点地吃掉了。后来我生了一场大病，我不知道这是不是因为追赶火鸡而遭受的报应。