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That's enough, kids

Itwas a lovely day at the park and Stella Bianchi was enjoying the sunshine withher two children when a young boy, aged about four, approached her two-year-oldson and pushed him to the ground.

“I'dwatched him for a little while and my son was the fourth or fifth child he'dshoved,” she says.“I went over to them, picked up my son, turned to the boy andsaid, firmly, ‘No, we don't push.’” What happened next was unexpected.

“Theboy's mother ran toward me from across the park,” Stella says.“I thought shewas coming over to apologise, but instead she started shouting at me for‘disciplining her child'. All I did was let him know his behavior wasunacceptable. Was I supposed to sit back while her kid did whatever he wanted,hurting other children in the process?”

Gettingyour own children to play nice is difficult enough. Dealing with other people'schildren has become a minefield.

Inmy house, jumping on the sofa is not allowed. In my sister's house it'sencouraged. For her, it's about kids being kids: “If you can't do it at three,when can you do it?”

Eachof these philosophies is valid and, it has to be said, my son loves visitinghis aunt's house. But I find myself saying “no” a lot when her kids are over atmine. That's OK between sisters but becomes dangerous territory when you'retalking to the children of friends or acquaintances.

“Kidsaren't all raised the same,” agrees Professor Naomi White of MonashUniversity.“ But there's still an idea that they're the property of the parents.We see our children as an extension of ourselves, so if you're saying that mychild is behaving inappropriately, then that's somehow a criticism of me.”

Inthose circumstances, it's difficult to know whether to approach the childdirectly or the parent first. There are two schools of thought.

“I'dgo to the child first,”says Andrew Fuller, author ofTricky Kids. “Usually a quiet reminder that ‘we don't do that here' is enough. Kids have finely tuned antennae (直觉) for how to behave in different settings.”

Hepoints out that bringing it up with the parent first may make them feelneglectful, which could cause problems. Of course, approaching the child firstcan bring its own headaches, too.

Thisis why White recommends that you approach the parents first. “Raise yourconcerns with the parents if they're there and ask them to deal with it,” shesays.

Askedhow to approach a parent in this situation, psychologist Meredith Fulleranswers:“Explain your needs as well as stressing the importance of thefriendship. Preface your remarks with something like: ‘I know you'll think I'msilly but in my house I don't want...'”

Whenit comes to situations where you're caring for another child, White isstraightforward: “Common sense must prevail. If things don't go well, then havea chat.”

There'rea couple of new grey areas. Physical punishment, once accepted from any adult,is no longer appropriate. “Now you can't do it without feeling uneasy aboutit,” White says.

Menmight also feel uneasy about dealing with other people's children. “Men feelnervous,” White says. “A new set of considerations has come to the fore as partof the debate about how we handle children.”

ForAndrew Fuller, the child-centric nature of our society has affectedeveryone.“The rules are different now from when today's parents were growingup,” he says, “Adults are scared of saying, ‘Don't swear', or asking a child tostand up on a bus. They're worried that there will be conflict if they pointthese things out—either from older children, or their parents.”

Hesees it as a loss of the sense of common public good and public courtesy (礼貌), and says that adultssuffer form it as much as children.

MeredithFuller agrees.“A code of conduct is hard to create when you're living in aworld in which everyone is exhausted from overwork and lack of sleep, and aworld in which nice people are perceived to finish last.”

“It'sabout what I'm doing and what I need,” Andrew Fuller says. “The days when a kidcame home from school and said, ‘I got into trouble', and dad said, ‘youprobably deserved it', are over. Now the parents are charging up to the schoolto have a go at teachers.”

Thisjumping to our children's defense is part of what fuels the “walking on eggshells”feeling that surrounds our dealings with other people's children.You know that if you remonstrate (劝诫) with the child,you're going to have to deal with the parent. It's admirable to be protectiveof our kids, but is it good?

“Childrenhave to learn to negotiate the world on their own, within reasonableboundaries,” White says. “I suspect that it's only certain sectors of thepopulation doing the running to the school—better-educated parents are probablymore likely to be too involved.”

Whitebelieves our notions of a more child-centred society should be challenged.“Today we have a situation where, in many families, both parents work, so theamount of time children get from parents has diminished,” she says.

“Also,sometimes when we talk about being child-centred, it's a way of talking abouttreating our children like commodities (商品). We'recentred on them but in ways that reflect positively on us. We treat them asobjects whose appearance and achievements are something we can be proud of,rather than serve the best interests of the children.”

Oneway over-worked, under-resourced parents show commitment to their children isto leap to their defence. Back at the park, Bianchi's intervention (干预) on her son's behalfended in an undignified exchange of insulting words with the other boy'smother.

AsBianchi approached the park bench where she'd been sitting, other mums came upto her and congratulated her on taking a stand. “Apparently the boy had alongstanding reputation for bad behaviour and his mum for even worse behaviourif he was challenged.”

AndrewFuller doesn't believe that we should be afraid of dealing with other people'skids. “Look at kids that aren't your own as a potential minefield,” he says. Herecommends that we don't stay silent over inappropriate behaviour, particularlywith regular visitors.

注意：此部分试题请在答题卡2上作答。

46. Accordingto Professor White, today’s parents treat their children as something they canbe proud of.

47. AndrewFuller suggests that, when kids behave inappropriately, people should not staysilent.

48. StellaBianchi expect the young boy’s mother to make an apology, when she talked tohim.

49. Theauthor say it’s possible for one to get into lots of trouble about dealing withother people’s children.

50. Accordingto Professor Naomi White of Monash University，when one's kids are criticized，their parents will probably feel hurt.

51. Ina world where everyone is exhausted from overwork and lack of sleep, it’sdifficult to create a code of conduct.

52. Peopleused to put the blame on their kids when their kids got into trouble at school.

53. ProfessorWhite believes that the notions of a more child centred society should bechallenged.

54. Oneshould talk to them directly in a mild way when seeing other people’s kidsmisbehave according to Andrew Fuller. x

55. Dueto the child centric nature of our society, people are reluctant to point outkids’ wrong doings.
参考答案

【参考答案】

46. H) 由题干知文中相关部分在H段，其中提到“We treat them as objectswhose appearance and achievements are something we can be proud of，... ”(我们对待孩子就好像他们具备•了我彳门能为之骄做的外表和成绩......）与题干相符，因此选H。

47. I)根据题文中Andrew Fuller和behave inappropriately得知相关部分在最后一段，文中说“He recommends that we don’t stay silent over inappropriate behavior, particularly with regular:visitors.(他建议我们对不得体的行为不能保持沉默，特别是对那些常客）”，与题干相符，因此选I。

48. A)由题干定位A段中提到“I thoughtshe was coming over to apologize, but instead. she started shouting at me for4disciplining her child’.”（我原想她是跑过来道歉，但是她开始对我大喊，说我在“教训她的孩子”)。与题干相符，因此选A。

49. B)根据题干“dealing with other people’s children”可知文中相关部分在B段。文中提到“Gettingyour own children to play nice is difficult enough. Dealing with other people’s children has become a minefield.”与题干相符，因此选B。

50. C)根据题干中Professor Naomi White of MonashUniversity可以很快定位到_文中相关部分C 段，其中提到“We see our children as. anextension of ourselves:，so if you're saying that my child is behaving inappropriately, thenthat’s somehow acriticism of me. ”与题干相符，因此选C。

51. F)根据题干中everyone is exhausted可知文中相关部分在F段，其中提到“A code of conduct is hard tocreate when you're living in a world in which everyone is exhausted fromoverwork and lack of sleep,...”(生活在一个每个人都因超负荷工作、睡眠不足而精疲力尽的社会……你就很难做出一部行为守则。)与题干相符，因此选F。

52. G)由题干when their kids got into troubleat school可知文中相关部分在:G段，其中提到“The days when a kid camehome from school and said，‘I got into trouble’，and dad said，‘You probably deserved if, are over.”（过去那种当小孩放学回家后说“我惹了麻烦了。父亲回答说“你活该”的时代结束了。•)与题干相符，因此选G。

53. H)根据题干中_ the notions of a more child-centredsociety可知文中相关部分在H段，其中提到“White believes our notions of a more child centred society should bechallenged.，，..(怀特认为我们的那种社会要更加以孩子为中心的观念应该受到挑战。)与题干相符，因此选H。

54. C)根据题干中Andrew Fuller，可知文中与Andrew Fuller相关部分在C段，其中Fuller提到“Usually a quiet reminder that ‘we don't do that here，is enough. (通常一句轻轻的提醒“我们这里不让那么做”就可以了。>与题干相符，因此选c。

55. F)根据题干“child-centric nature of oursociety”可找到文中相关部分在F段。其中提到“Adults are scared ofsaying, Don't swear，，or asking a child to stand up on abus. They are worried that there will be conflict if they point these thingsout—either fromolder children*or their parents. ”(大人们不敢说“不许骂人”，也不敢要求小孩子在公交车上站起来让座。他们担心如果他们把这些事情指出来’就有可能和那些大一点儿的孩子或者孩子的家长产生矛盾）。与题干相符，因此选F。