中英文本

While travelling alone, I wasn't sure what my purpose was. I spent a lot of time in Airbnbs doing my freelance work. I had a research gig combing through recent media portrayals of China in the US to create a summary for an academic institution. I trawled through white papers describing Chinese student spies and ominous articles predicting a second cold war – abstract, alarming concepts that seemed far removed from the gentle patter of my family WeChat. The articles I read seemed to have no connection to the ordinary lives going on around me.

独自旅行时我不确定自己的目的是什么]syxOE*FwVj%2+t。我花了很多时间在Airbnbs做自由职业者eOGY8++me^;It。我曾做过一项研究工作，梳理美国媒体最近对中国的描述，为一家学术机构撰写摘要1lRzSl-F!qh1b。我翻看了描述中国学生间谍的白皮书和预测第二次冷战的不祥文章——这些抽象的、令人震惊的概念似乎和我家族微信群里的温和模式相距甚远，我读的文章似乎和我周围的日常生活没有什么联系-EH005*g;~Dc。

In the evenings I stayed in my room and read manga. I had hardly anyone to see. Most of the time I was on my own.

晚上我呆在房间里看漫画，我找不到什么人陪我，大部分时间里我都是一个人AV=ZVhwb)S6vzwMA。

A year after my interviews, I did see my yeye one more time. Over Christmas 2019, I found myself in China again. This time, my parents, brother, and I were paying a quick family visit before returning to the US. yeye's dementia was worse. I asked after his novels, but still didn't get my hands on any. My nainai ate at a new hotpot restaurant with us in Hefei. In Shanghai, I dyed my hair blue. Three months after we returned home, the US locked down for the pandemic.

距离那次采访一年后，我又一次看到了爷爷&u2uEbyrrw9%IUl。2019年的圣诞节，我又来到了中国P1=&x8W6c8EJ。这一次，我的父母、哥哥和我在回美国之前短暂地走了一次亲戚=7Gq9[%jpcLVkwk=S。爷爷的痴呆更严重了KSAx6HabThQi_Lp。我询问了他的小说，但还是一本都没有拿到]ypWRO)jqaQL6o。奶奶和我们在合肥的一家新开的火锅店里吃饭Q|G434ddXv。我在上海把头发染成了蓝色|nvlXnT3.rR)L,.hJ5。我们在回到家三个月后，美国因疫情进行了封锁PUBbYEe_R]nB*L&。

"还是想哭," my father said in the WeChat group after my grandfather's memorial was over. ("Still want to cry.")

“还是想哭，”爷爷的追悼会结束后父亲在微信群里说o0#r0a.,V;;。

Also: "这是人生." ("This is human life.")

还有：“这就是人生H3xcX)nBtCt2uRCijprI。”

In a eulogy written after my grandfather's death, my aunt wrote: "Father, you always wished for one of us to become a great writer. Your granddaughter is at this moment working towards that goal." When I read it, my first reaction was resentment, that they would use my dreams of being a writer to appease my grandfather's spirit. That after his death, the pressure on me would only increase. The pressure to honour his memory, and my grandmother's.

在我爷爷去世后写的悼词中，姑姑写道：“父亲，你一直希望我们中有一个能成为伟大的作家a[Jl)H;&F[uIoG。你的孙女此刻正朝着这个目标努力d%WHn7IRY2[,。”当我读到这里的时候我的第一反应是怨恨，他们在用我当作家的梦想来安抚爷爷的灵魂hH~sxpOm*L0tB。他死后我的压力只会增加，缅怀爷爷和奶奶的记忆的压力]Z1c+^)A9|.~V2Q。

词语解释

1.freelance 自由职业（者）的

He derives his income from freelance work.

他以自由职业获取收入s(h0hOz^]mx2Q(FHO。

2.appease 使平息

In order to appease the turbulent tribues, the chiefs propagated superstition to alter the member’s ideology and consolidate their reign.

为了安抚战乱的部落，部落首领通过宣传迷信来转变部落成员的思想形态并巩固他们的统治UIrK.AH.hi1*_tW。

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