Hi! Hi! I am forty-five years old. I know I look amazing, thank you.
大家好！你们好！我今年四十五岁。我知道我今天光彩照人，谢谢。
I am forty-five years old and I have never once unselfconsciously held hands with a lover in public.
我今年四十五岁了，但我一次也没有在公共场合和爱人无意识地牵过手。
I am forty-five years old and I have never once casually, comfortably, carelessly held hands with a partner in public.
我今年四十五岁了，但我一次也没有随意地、舒适地、无所顾忌地在公共场合和我的伴侣牵过手。
I don't know how many of you can even imagine what that might be like because,
不知道你们中有多少人能想象得出来，因为，
of course, it's a small thing, isn't it, holding hands with a lover in public?
跟爱人在公共场合牵手是件太小的事情，不是吗？
And it's not that nobody wanted to, it's just that we didn't feel comfortable.
并不是我们不想牵，只是这样做会让我们觉得不舒服。
Now, like many gay people, when I was younger, in my young life, I struggled at one time against being gay.
跟很多同性恋一样，我小的时候曾经很抗拒自己是同性恋这件事。
I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to be this thing that I didn't really understand.
因为我不想与众不同。我也不想成为我不太了解的这种人。
This thing that I had learned was shameful or jokeworthy.
就我那时候所知道的，同性恋很可耻，人们也总拿同性恋开玩笑。
But when I eventually did sort of understand and come to accept who and what I am,
但当我终于了解并开始接受我是谁和我喜欢什么之后，
I have never since that moment, never once, have I ever wished that it turned out differently!
从那一刻起，我从未如此希望过我曾有不同的想法！
I am thoroughly, deeply, delightedly, happy to be gay!
我十分、非常、极其乐意成为一名同性恋！
It suits me! I am really good at it!
我很适合做同性恋啊！我很擅长！
And yet, everyday I am jealous of straight people, because that private, little, small, intimate gesture of affection has never once been mine.
但是，我仍然每天都很嫉妒异性恋，因为他们之间那种私人的、亲密的表达爱意的小动作从来不属于我。
Everyday I see young, straight couples walking through the park and they are casually holding hands and I am jealous of them!
每天我都能看见年轻的异性恋情侣走在公园里，他们随意牵着手，那时候我很嫉妒！
I see a teenage couple at a bus stop and she is leaning into him, and her hand is in his,
我看见十几岁的小情侣在公交站等车，女孩靠在男孩身上，她的手放在男孩手心里，
and both of their hands are tucked into his jacket pocket for warmth, and I am jealous of that teenage couple!
然后两个人的手交握着插进男孩的外套口袋里取暖，那时候我很嫉妒他们！
I will sometimes see a man who unconsciously put his hand, a protective arm, around his girlfriend
我有时候也会看见一个男人无意识地用胳膊揽住自己的女朋友，保护着她，
and she'll link her fingers through his, and I am jealous of that!
女孩跟他十指交叉，那时我很嫉妒！
Maybe you're on Grafton Street and you see an older lady and she gestures to draw her husband's attention to something in the window,
有时候走在格雷夫顿街，我会看见一个老妇人用动作示意她的丈夫去看窗户，
and without even thinking he just takes her hand and they stand there peering into the window
而她的丈夫想都不想就直接拉住她的手两个人一起看向窗内，
discussing whatever it is that drew their attention and their hands are just carelessly joined together, and I am jealous of that!
讨论着吸引他们注意力的东西，此时他们的手随意地握着，那时候我很嫉妒！
Because gay people do not get to hold hands in public without first considering the risk.
因为同性恋没办法不考虑风险就直接在公共场合牵手。
Gay people do not get to put an arm through another arm
同性恋不能挽着伴侣的胳膊，
or put a hand on a boyfriend's waist without first considering what the possible consequences might be.
或者把手放在男朋友的腰间而不考虑后果。
We look around to see: where are we, who's around, is it late at night?
在此之前我们要看看周围，要想我们在哪，周围有什么人，现在是不是晚上？
What kind of area is it? Are there bored teenagers hanging around looking for amusement?
这里是什么场合？会不会有无聊的青少年四处闲逛找乐子？
Are there bunches of lads standing outside a pub?
酒吧外面有没有站着一群小伙子？
And if we decided OK, maybe it is, it's OK, well then we do hold hands, but the thing is that now those hands are not casual and thoughtless.
如果我们判断这时候可以牵手，那么，好，我们才能牵手，但问题在于这种情况下的牵手既不随意也不直接。
They are now considered and weighed.
这是经过深思熟虑和利弊权衡之后的动作。
But we stroll on hand in hand trying to be just normal and carefree just like everybody else, but actually we're not!
可我们本来想要的是就像其他所有人一样正常的随意的牵手，然而实际上我们做不到！
Because we are constantly scanning the pavement ahead, just in case.
我们要时刻紧盯着前面的路以防止突然有人出现。
And then even if we do see, you know, a group of blokes coming towards us, maybe we will decide sort of silently to continue holding hands, defiantly!
不过有时候就算我们看见前面来了一群小伙子，我们还是会默默决定要继续牵着手，像在挑衅一样！
But now our small, intimate gesture between two people in love is no longer a small, intimate gesture.
但此时，爱人之间这种小小的亲密的动作其实已经变了味。
It is a political act of defiance, and it has been ruined.
此时这已经是一种挑衅的政治行为，它已经变味了。
And anyway then you sort of think:
可能看见的人会是这样的想法：
"Well, we've had such a lovely afternoon poking around in that garden center looking at things for the garden we don't actually have."
“那天下午天气很好，我们在花园闲逛，准备为我们那尚不存在的花园选些花草。”
And then you think, all it will take is one spat "faggots" or a split lip
接着你会想，一对恶心的同性恋或者一片咬破的嘴唇，
to turn that really lovely afternoon into a bad afternoon that you will never want to remember.
就可以把那个美好的下午毁掉，你再也不愿意回忆起那天。
And even if you are somewhere where you think: "Ah, it's perfectly fine here. Nobody here is going to react badly to our tiny gesture."
甚至有时候在某个地方，你觉得：“这里可以。这儿没人会反感你们之间的小动作。”
You know, I don't know, say you're wandering through a posh department store. Even then people will notice.
就假设你们是在一个高档的百货公司闲逛好。但就算是这里，还是会有人注意到你们。
Now, they may only notice because they're thinking: "Isn't nice to see two gays holding hands in public?"
也许他们注意到之后只是觉得：“有两个同性恋在公共场合牵手了，真好。”
But they still notice, and I don't want them to notice
但他们还是注意到了，而我不希望他们注意到我们，
because then our small, intimate, private, little, human gesture has been turned into a statement, and I don't want that!
因为这样一来，我们之间这种小小的、亲密的、私人的、和其他人一样的小动作就变成了一种宣告，而我不想这样！
Our little, private, gesture, like Schrodinger's cat, is altered simply by being observed.
我们之间亲密的小动作就像薛定谔的猫一样，它会仅仅因为有人观察而发生变化。
We live in this sort of homophobic world,
我们生活在一个恐同的世界，
and you might think that a small, little thing like holding hands in public, "Well, it's just a small thing," and you're right!
你可能觉得在公共场合牵手只是一件小事，“就是很小的一件事嘛”，你说得对。
It is indeed just a small thing. But it is one of many small things that make us human,
它确实是件小事。但它也是让我们成为人的万千小事中的一件，
and there are lots of small things everyday that LGBT people have to put up with, that other people don't have to put up with.
除此之外，同性恋、双性恋和变性者每天还要忍受无数件其他人无需忍受的小事。
Lots of small things that we have to put up with in order to be safe or not to be the object of ridicule or scorn.
我们要一直忍受着，这样我们才能安全，才不会沦为笑柄。
And we are expected to put up with those things
可这个世界还要我们一边忍受、
and just thank our blessings that we don't live in a country where we could be imprisoned or executed for being gay.
一边感谢自己没有生在一个同性恋会被关进监狱或者处死的国家。
And we are so used to making those small adjustments everyday,
我们太习惯于每天改变自己，
that even now we rarely ourselves even notice that we are doing it, because it is just part of the background of our lives.
甚至我们自己已经意识不到自己在做出改变，因为改变已经成了我们生活的一部分。
This constant malign presence that we have assimilated,
我们不能抱怨自己每天要面对多少恶意，
and if we complain about it, we are told we have nothing to complain about because: "Aren't you lucky that you don't live in Uganda?"
因为一旦抱怨，就会有人告诉我们没什么可抱怨的，他们会说：“没出生在乌干达你不是应该庆幸吗？”
And yes, I am lucky that I don't live in Uganda, but that's not good enough!
是的，我很庆幸自己没出生在乌干达，但是这还不够！
This isn't some sort of game or competition
这不是游戏或竞赛，
where the person who has it the worst wins the right to complain and everybody else has to just put up or shut up.
不是最惨的那个人才有资格抱怨，而剩下的人只能闭上嘴默默忍受。
Our society is homophobic! It is infused with homophobia. It is dripping with homophobia.
我们的社会是个恐同的社会！这个社会的骨血和灵魂里都充满了对同性恋的恐惧。
And when you are forty-five years old
如果你今年也四十五岁，
and you have spent thirty years putting up, thirty years absorbing all of those small slights and intimidations and sneers and occasionally much worse,
如果你过去三十年都在忍受着轻蔑、威胁和讥笑，甚至是更深的恶意，
you just get tired of it. You get fed up putting up.
你也会觉得累。你也会觉得自己受够了。
I am fed up of reading yet another article by yet another straight person explaining why I am less somehow than everybody else.
我受够了看异性恋怎么在文章里描述我比其他人不如在哪里。
You get fed up listening to people describe you as intrinsically disordered, people who don't even know you, from their celibate pulpits.
我受够了一个根本不认识我的人说我这是精神失常，就因为他自己坚持独身主义。
You get fed up of the scrawled graffiti, and you get fed up of people sneeringly describe things as gay.
我受够了那些充满恶意的涂鸦，我受够了人们用同性恋这个词来嘲讽别人。
You get fed up of steeling yourself to pass by the Saturday night drunks hoping that they won't notice you,
我受够了在每个星期六的晚上偷偷走过一群醉汉的身边时希望他们不要注意到自己，
and you get fed up of people using their time and energies and talents to campaign against you being treated just like every other citizen.
我受够了那些人花时间、花精力、想方设法地要证明同性恋者跟其他人在这个社会上受到的是同等待遇。
I'm forty-five and I'm fed up putting up.
我今年四十五岁，我受够了。
Now I would, of course, prefer if nobody harbored any animosity towards gay people or any discomfort with gay relationships,
我当然希望不要有人对同性恋心怀恶意，不要有人对同性恋爱感到不适，
but, you know, I can live with the kind of small, personal, private homophobia that some people might have.
但是，我其实可以接受一些人可能有的那种微小的、个人的、私人的同性恋恐惧症。
For example, I can live with Mary in Wicklow who sometimes turns on the television and sees Graham Norton and thinks,
比如，威克洛郡的玛丽看到电视上的格拉汉姆·诺顿时，会想，
"Oh, he seems nice enough but does he have to be so gay?" I can live with that.
“感觉他人还不错，但是他一定要这么娘吗？”这样的我其实可以接受。

I can live with Mary who doesn't know any gay people, apart from that fella who does her hair once a month in "Curl Up and Dye".
玛丽认识的人里一个同性恋也没有，除了每个月帮她弄一次头发的Curl Up and Dye的小哥，这种我也可以接受。
Mary, whose only knowledge of gay people and our relationships comes from what she has gleaned from schoolyards, church and Coronation Street.
玛丽对同性恋和同性恋爱唯一的了解来自于学校、教堂和《加冕街》。
I can live with that. I would be happy to sit down on the sofa and watch Coronation Street with Mary.
这样的我可以接受。我很乐意跟玛丽一起坐在沙发上看《加冕街》。
I would be happy to have a cup of tea with her and discuss with her why she feels a little uncomfortable with gay relationships
我也很乐意跟她一起喝茶，一起讨论为什么她对同性恋爱感到不适，
and I would hope that Mary would change her mind.
因为我希望她可以改变自己的想法。
I would hope that she would meet more gay people
我希望她能跟更多同性恋接触，
and find out pretty quickly that we are just as ordinary, just as nice or just as annoying as all of you people are.
从而很快发现其实我们跟你们所有人一样普通，一样友善或者一样讨人嫌。
And I would hope that she would change her mind for her own sake as much as anybody else's,
我希望她可以改变想法，为了玛丽自己也为了其他所有人，
because gay people are just as capable of bringing goodness into Mary's life as anybody else.
因为同性恋也可以给他们的生活带来光辉。
And, of course, we could help her with the decorating!
当然 我们还可以帮她装饰房间！
But that kind of personal discomfort with gay people and their relationships
但是以上这种对同性恋者和同性恋爱的不适
is entirely different from the kind of homophobia that manifests itself in public.
跟有些人在公共场合表现出来的恐同倾向是完全不同的。
The kind of homophobia that manifests itself in an attempt to have LGBT people treated differently or less than everybody else.
这种恐同倾向的目的是让同性恋、双性恋和变性者受到跟普通人不同或比他们更差的对待。
The kind of homophobia that seeks to characterize gay people and their relationships as less worthy of respect.
他们想把同性恋者和同性关系标签化，让人们觉得这些人和他们的爱情不值得受到尊重。
That kind of homophobia I do have a problem with,
我认为这种恐同是有问题的，
and I think gay people should be allowed to call it when they see it, because it is our right to do so!
我还认为同性恋在看见这种行为的时候应该指出来，因为这是我们的正当权利！
Of course, many people object to the word homophobia itself.
当然也有很多人反对恐同这个词。
They object to the "phobia" part. "I'm not afraid of you," they say.
他们主要是反对恐这个字。“我可不怕你们”，他们说。
But I'm not saying that homophobes cower in fear every time they pass a Cher album, but they are afraid.
我不是说恐同人士每次路过谢尔的专辑时会害怕得躲起来，但他们确实在害怕。
They are afraid of what the world will look like when it treats gay, lesbian and bisexual people with the same respect as everybody else.
他们害怕如果有一天同性恋、双性恋和变性者能跟其他所有人一样受到尊重，这个世界会变成的那个样子。
They are afraid that they won't fit in this brave new world of equality.
他们害怕自己会在这个勇敢的新世界里格格不入。
But, of course, their fear is irrational because, of course, the world will not look any different.
但他们的恐惧毫无道理，因为那时的世界跟现在不会有什么不同。
Kids will still want to eat ice cream, dogs will still play fetch, the tide will still come in, and parallel parking will still be difficult.
孩子们还是喜欢冰淇淋，狗还是喜欢玩衔东西的游戏，潮水一样地涨，侧方停车一样地难。
The most vocal homophobes who know that they long ago lost the arguments around the decriminalization of homosexual sex
跳的最高、声音最大的那些恐同人士心里很清楚，从很久以前开始，他们就已经无法阻止同性性行为无罪化
or every other advance for gay people since.
以及其他相关问题的进步。
These days you will find those very vocal homophobes clustered around the same-sex marriage debate and it is quite the spectacle
近期大家常看到这些激进的恐同人士聚集在一起参与针对同性婚姻的辩论，场面蔚为壮观，
because, of course, they know that they can't just come right out and bluntly say what drives them,
因为他们知道自己不能直接站出来说他们这么做的真正原因
which is an animus towards gay people, and a disgust at what they imagine we do in bed,
是因为他们对同性恋心怀恶意，是因为他们对同性性行为感到恶心，
because they know that that won't wash with the general public anymore.
因为他们知道这样的理由不再能让大众信服。
So they are forced to sort of scramble for any other reason that they can think of to argue their case.
于是他们不得不想出其他理由来支撑自己的立场。
So, gay people are going to destroy the institution of marriage,
比如，同性恋会毁掉婚姻制度，
gay couples will be wandering through orphanages picking babies off shelves trying to find one that matches their new IKEA sofa.
同性夫妻会从孤儿院的架子上随意挑选跟他们宜家新沙发最相配的那个小孩领养回家。
Or that allowing gay people to get married will destroy society itself, and many, many more including my own personal favorite,
或者是允许同性情侣结婚会毁掉整个社会，还有很多很多，其中我最喜欢的一个论点，
which is the old argument that the word "marriage" is defined in some dictionary as a union between a man and a woman,
那是一个很古老的论点，说婚姻这个词在一些词典中的定义是一位男士和一位女士的结合，
and that therefore same-sex marriage can't possibly be a "marriage".
因此同性婚姻不可能是合理的婚姻。
Which is a piffling argument against words and dictionaries and not an argument against same-sex marriage.
但这个论点针对的是这个词和词典，而不是同性婚姻。
Now, of course, the other real driver of homophobia,
那么，导致恐同的真正原因，
and you can all clutch your pearls here because I am going to go here, is a disgust with gay sex, in particular with gay male sex.
注意了，是他们对同性性行为感到恶心，尤其是男同性恋之间的性行为。
The poor old lesbians just get caught in the homophobic crossfire. You know guilty by association.
可怜的老龄女同性恋也卷入了恐同争端中。你们懂的，连坐嘛。
Because what they really don't like is anal sex, sodomy, you know, buggery, and they assume that that is all we do.
人们真正反感的是肛交、鸡奸还有兽奸，他们觉得我们整天就在干这个。
They feverishly imagine that we spend all day jumping around buggering each other.
在他们的想象中，我们每天四处蹦跶只为了跟彼此做爱。
I mean they obsess on it, and, in fact, what they actually do, is reduce us down to this one sex act, whether or not we do it at all,
他们完全相信这个说法，而通过这样做，他们把我们简化成了一种性交机器，无论事实如何，
because we are not regular people with the same hopes and aspirations and ambitions and feelings as everyone else, we are simply walking sex acts.
因为他们觉得我们并不跟普通人一样有相同的希望、渴望、野心和感受，我们只是行走的性交机器。
Earlier this year I was invited to take part in the St. Pat's for All parade in Queens, New York.
年初有人邀请我参加了纽约皇后区举行的圣帕特全民大游行。
Now it is a really lovely, charming,
那场游行令人非常愉悦和难忘，
grassroots event in Queens which was set up in response to the ban on gay groups marching in the famous Manhattan St. Patrick's Day Parade.
皇后区的普通人都可以参与，举办这场游行的目的是为了回应著名的曼哈顿圣帕特里克节游行禁止同性恋参与的事件。
In that Manhattan St. Patrick's Day Parade any Irish group who wants can march,
那场曼哈顿圣帕特里克节游行，所有的爱尔兰群体都可以参与，
Irish policemen can march, Irish firemen, Irish footballers, Irish community groups, Irish volleyball teams, Irish book clubs.
爱尔兰警察、消防员、足球运动员、社区组织、排球队、读书俱乐部都可以参加。
Any Irish people who want to have a good shot at being allowed to march in that parade -- except for Irish gays,
所有想参加游行好拍照留念的爱尔兰人都可以去，除了爱尔兰同性恋群体，
because, as far as the organizers of that parade are concerned,
因为该游行的组织方认为，
gays are nothing more than walking sex acts, and there is no place for buggery in their parade.
同性恋都是行走的性交机器，而游行中没有给他们做爱的场所。
Now, I actually saw a small documentary once about one of the leaders of the organizers of that parade,
我曾看过一部很短的纪录片，主角是那场游行的组织者之一，
they are the Ancient Order of Hibernians, and they're like a Catholic Orange Order-- they dress the same and everything
也就是古爱尔兰修道会，其实他们更像是天主教奥兰治会，他们打扮也一样，其他都一样，
and in the documentary, you know, he was a nice old fellow, and he had this lovely wife, and they seemed very happy together.
纪录片中可以看出来，组织者是个心善的老人，他有一位善良的妻子，两个人在一起看起来十分幸福。
And when I looked at them, I saw this life lived together, and I imagined if I asked him about their life together,
看见他们生活在一起的样子，我想，如果我问起他们的一生，
that he would remember the first time they met, he would remember how nervous he was on their first date together,
他应该会想起他们第一次见面的样子，会想起第一次约会的时候他有多紧张，
and how proud he was when he turned and saw her coming up the aisle in that dress that she had fretted over for so long.
想起当他转身，看见她身上穿着那件盼望了好久的裙子从小路走来的时候，他有多骄傲。
And I imagine that if I asked him, he would remember that phone call to say that she had gone into labor and the dash across town,
如果我问起，他会想起自己接到电话，知道妻子已经开始分娩的时候，他飞奔着穿过小镇的样子，
and the other time when she went so far past her due date that she promised she would bounce up and down on a trampoline
还有她过了预产期，可孩子还没出生，她在床上痛苦挣扎着，
until the baby bounced out of her and how they laughed so hard about that.
直到孩子终于生下来的时候，他们笑得多么开心。
And I imagine he would remember other occasions like when their youngest broke his arm and cried all the way to the hospital,
我想他应该还有别的回忆，比如他们最小的孩子摔断了胳膊，在去医院的路上哭了一路，
and that other time when she was sick and he could not sleep alone in the empty bed
还比如妻子生病，他在空空的床上难以入眠，
and so in the middle of the night he got up and went back to the hospital even though he knew they wouldn't let him in to see her at that hour.
于是，他在半夜里起床回到医院，尽管他知道医生不会让他在那个时间去见她。
I imagine that he would remember all of those things and many more.
我想这些他都会记得，还有很多很多。
All of the small things that go up to making a relationship and making a person a person.
包括所有那些成就一段爱情和让一个人成为人的琐碎小事。
And when I looked at him, I imagined all of those things too.
当我看着他，我也会想起那些事情。
But when he looks at me he doesn't see me that way. He doesn't see gay people that way.
但当他看着我，他跟我看见的不是一样的东西。他不会那样看待一个同性恋。
To him we are just sex acts and there is no place for sex acts in his parade.
对他来说我们只是性交机器，而他主持的游行不会允许我们的存在。
I am forty-five years old and I am fed up putting up. So, I'm not anymore.
我今年四十五岁了，我忍够。所以我不忍了。
I'm forty-five years old and I am not putting up anymore because I don't have the energy anymore. Putting up is exhausting!
我今年四十五岁了，我决定不再忍受了，因为我已经没有精力了。忍耐已经让我筋疲力尽！
I am forty-five years old and I'm not putting up anymore because I don't have the patience anymore.
我今年四十五岁了，我决定不再忍受了，因为我的耐心已经耗尽了。
Forty-five years old! I was born six months before the Stonewall riots,
四十五岁啊！我出生于石墙暴动发生的六个月前，
and you have had forty-five years to work out, that despite appearances, I am just as ordinary, just as unremarkable, and just as human as you are!
四十五年时间，你们应该明白，除了跟你们有同样的外表，我还同样普通、同样平凡，我跟你们一样是人！
I'm forty-five years old and I am not asking anymore I am just being -- human being!
我今年四十五岁了，我不会再要求你们，我只会去做我自己，做一个人！
Thank you for your time! Thank you! Thank you!
谢谢大家抽时间来听我的演讲！谢谢！谢谢！