When I was pregnant, I just got very frustrated.
我怀孕的时候总是感到非常沮丧。
Don't eat deli meats, do this particular prenatal test.
不吃熟食肉品，做特定的产前测试。
Why did you make that choice? Why didn't you make a different choice?
为什么你做了那样一个选择？为什么没有选择另一个？
I felt like I was being told to do things, and I never got the answer to why.
我感觉总是有人跟我说该做什么，却从来不告诉我为什么。
Sometimes in the world of modern parenting you just can't seem to win.
在现代社会养孩子，有时候好像就是没法十全十美。
If I go back to work, I spend less time with my kid.
如果我回去上班，那我陪孩子的时间就少了。
What if they don't get the attention they need to adequately develop?
他们要是没法获得成长所必需的足够关注该怎么办？
If I stay home and give up my income stream, will I look back and regret my decision?
如果我待在家里带孩子，放弃我的收入来源，我以后回想起来会不会后悔这个决定？
There's a lot of conflicting advice out there about whether to stay home or go back to work,
社会上有各种相互矛盾的建议告诉你，到底应该在家带孩子还是回去上班，
so trying to make a choice between the two can be confusing and emotional.
所以在两者间做出选择有时候让人很困惑，也容易变得情绪化。
You love your kids and want what's best for them,
你爱你的孩子，希望他们获得最好的，
but how do you determine what best means when everyone has a different opinion?
但是当每个人都有不同的意见时，你又怎么确定什么是最好的呢？
There are many variations of parents that a household can have,
不同的家庭有不同类型的父母，
and I think more families should be asking the question of whether it makes sense for the male partner to stay home.
我觉得更多家庭应该问这么一个问题：是不是可以让爸爸留在家里带孩子？
But the truth is that in the current time,
但实际上，当今时代，
most of the discussions about stay-at-home parents focus on women in particular.
大部分关于到底是否留在家里带孩子的讨论关注的都是妈妈。
And it's usually the women who say they feel that what they do during the day
而且通常都是女性觉得她们每天所做的事情
is going to determine at a deep level what kind of mom and person they are.
将会在深层面决定她们会成为什么样的妈妈，什么样的人。
That is a huge weight to put on yourself as a parent.
这是你作为父母给自己施加的一个巨大压力。
And when you're met with the side-eye after telling someone you're going back to work or not,
当你跟别人说你要回去工作或者待在家里时，得到的却是别人不赞同的眼神，
it can poke holes in your confidence.
这对你的自信心会是很大的伤害。
I decided to dig in and find out.
所以我决定自己研究一下。
Is it better to stay at home or go back to work?
到底是留在家里好，还是回去工作好？
It's an emotional decision, yes,
这是一个情绪化的决定，没错，
but as an economist I've learned that we can use data to help navigate through those emotional decisions
但是作为一名经济学家，我也知道可以用数据来指导这些情绪化的决定，
and feel confident we're making the best decision for our family.
并有信心认为，我们所做的决定对家庭来说是最好的。
Specifically there are three main factors you should consider before you decide.
具体来说，你在做决定之前要考虑三个主要因素。
First, you need to think about how this decision will affect your family budget. Let's do some numbers.
首先，你需要想一想这个决定会如何影响你的家庭预算。我们来计算一下。
Say your total household income is 100,000 dollars, with you and your partner making 50,000 each.
假设你全家的总收入为10万美元，你和你另一半每人赚5万美元。
That means you bring home about 85,000 dollars after taxes.
那么税后总收入就是8.5万美元。
If both of you work and the family pays 1,500 dollars a month for childcare,
如果两个人都工作，每个月托儿费会花掉1500美元，
your total disposable income would be 67,000 dollars a year.
那么每年的可支配收入就是6.7万美元。
Are you with me so far? If you decide to stay home, your family makes less but you don't pay for childcare.
跟上我讲的了吗？如果你决定待在家不上班，那么你家的收入就会减少，但也不用付托儿费了。
Your disposable income goes down in this scenario, but not by as much as it would if you didn't factor in the childcare.
你们的可支配收入在这种情况下会变少，但考虑到省去了托儿费，所以并没有减少得那么多。
It becomes more complicated if childcare is more expensive in your area.
如果你们当地的托儿费更贵的话，那情况就更复杂了。
A full-time nanny can run 40, 50,000 dollars a year depending on where you live.
雇一个全职保姆一年的费用可能高达4至5万美元，取决于你的居住地。
If that's the case in your neighborhood, in the scenario I outlined,
如果你生活的环境和我说的差不多，
it would completely wipe out one parent's income, and you'd be better off financially with one parent staying home.
那这个费用就相当于一方的收入那么多了，所以父母中有一方在家带孩子经济上会稍微好点。
Of course, this is only a short-term analysis.
当然，这还只是短期分析。
Childcare is less expensive sometimes when kids are in school,
当孩子上学后，托儿费可能就没有那么多了，
and you may make a higher income later, so you want to factor that in if you can.
而且你以后的收入也可能会增加，所以你也应尽量把这一点考虑进来。

Once you've done the math, you'll know what's possible
只要算一下，你就会知道到底有哪些可能性，
and you'll be able to make a more informed choice, which should feel empowering.
从而做出一个更明智的选择，也会让你觉得更有信心。
Second, it's time to talk about what's best for your child.
第二，我们需要谈谈什么对你的孩子来说是最好的。
You may think this should be the core of your decision, but there's actually no right answer.
你可能会觉得，这应该是你做决定的核心，但重点在于，其实根本没有正确答案。
According to studies from Europe and the US,
根据欧美的一些研究，
the decision to go back to work or stay at home won't actually make or break your child's future success.
回去工作还是在家照顾孩子的决定对你孩子未来的成功并没有决定性的影响。
Research shows that two parents working full-time
研究表明，父母双方都有全职工作，
has a similar effect on your child's future test scores and income to one parent working and one not.
对孩子未来的考试成绩和收入的影响和只有一方工作的影响差不多。
What seems to be most important is the environment your child is in during their spare time.
最重要的其实是你的孩子在空闲时所处的环境。
As long as they're engaging in enriching activities: reading, practicing their motor skills, interacting with other kids,
只要他们参与到丰富的活动中：阅读、运动、和其他孩子互动等等，
they're going to thrive whether or not you're at home.
那么不管你是不是在家陪着他们，他们都会很好的成长。
There is a bit of nuance in the data.
研究数据中也存在细微的差别。
For example, studies have found, that if both parents work,
比如，有研究发现，如果父母双方都工作，
kids from poorer families are impacted positively, and kids from richer families are impacted less positively.
穷人家的孩子会受到积极的影响，而富裕家庭的孩子受到的影响就没有那么正面。
So depending on your household configuration, the effects on your child could be a little positive,
所以这也取决于你的家庭经济情况，（父母双方工作）对孩子可能产生一点点正面影响，
or a little negative, but the overall impact is negligible.
或者一点点负面影响，但总的来说，这种影响可以忽略不计。
Now I want to call out an exception: maternity leave.
我现在要提到一个特殊情况：产假。
There is a growing body of evidence suggesting that babies do better when their mothers take some maternity leave.
越来越多的证据表明，如果妈妈休些产假，对孩子的成长会更有好处。
The early days with your child can impact their development, so if you have paid leave, you should take it,
你和孩子相处的早期时光会影响到他们的成长发育，所以如果你有带薪产假，就最好要休，
and if you don't, maybe consider taking some unpaid leave for those first few months, if your budget allows.
如果你没有，也可以考虑一下在孩子出生后的头几个月，休些不带薪的产假，当然是在家庭经济状况允许的情况下。
And finally, ask yourself, what do I want?
最后，问问自己，你到底想要什么？
While this may seem simple, it's the factor that feels most taboo to explore.
这个问题看起来很简单，但感觉却像是我们最避讳去考虑的一个因素。
In talking to parents I find that when a woman chooses to stay home,
我在和一些宝爸宝妈聊天时，我发现当一名女性选择留在家里时，
she often feels obligated to say she made this choice for her children's optimal development.
她会觉得她有义务去说，她做这个决定是为了让孩子获得最好的发展。
Which, sure, can be part of the reason,
当然，这也许是其中一个原因，
but a perfectly acceptable answer is, "this is the lifestyle I prefer," or "this is what works for my family."
但是一个完全可被接受的回答则是，“这是我更喜欢的生活方式，”或者“这是适合我的家庭的生活方式。”
The same goes for the working mother.
对于职场妈妈也是如此。
Saying, "I like my job, and that's why I went back to work," is enough.
和别人说“我喜欢我的工作，这是我回来工作的原因”就足够了。
If you want to go back to work, that's great.
如果你想要回去工作，那非常好。
You're lucky to have a job that you love and you have every right to keep it once you become a parent.
你很幸运有份自己热爱的工作，也完全有权利在为人父母后继续保有这份工作。
Be honest with yourself about what you'd like to do.
对自己坦诚些，明白自己想做什么。
If you're upfront about that, you're guaranteed to feel happier,
如果你能坦率地面对这一点，那你绝对会感到更开心，
which will allow you to be the best version of a parent you can be, and isn't that the whole point?
也能够成为自己所能做到的最好的父母，这难道不是最重要的吗？
There is no right and wrong when it comes to parenting.
教育孩子的问题没有什么对错。
The best decision is the one that will make you -- and your family -- the happiest.
最好的决定是会让你和家人最开心的那个。
Up to you to decide what's next.
下一步该怎么走由你来决定。
By acknowledging that the choice to stay home or not is just that, a choice, with factors pushing you in various directions,
认识到选择留在家还是去工作只不过就是一个选择，很多因素会把你推向不同的方向这一点，
we can ditch the guilt and enjoy doing what feels best for our families.
我们就能抛开愧疚感，做出你觉得对你的家庭来说最好的决定。