If you watch this show, you might remember we do a segment called "Oh Straight People."

如果大家看节目 可能会记得我们有个环节叫“哦 异性恋的人啊”

The way that works is I read you a headline about real straight people.

内容就是我给大家念一条关于异性恋的真实标题

Then I shake my head and I say, "Oh straight people."

然后我摇摇头说“哦 异性恋的人啊”

And then I move on to the next headline. Very complicated.

然后我再念下一个标题 很复杂哈

Oh, quarantined people. I'm going to get some instruments in here so I can play some songs.

哦 隔离的人啊 我要拿点乐器过来 弹点音乐

Here we go.

开始了

First headline. "Woman discovers bar of soap she's been washing her hands with for days is a block of cheese."

第一条 “一名女子在奶酪中发现了她很多天用来洗手的肥皂条”

Oh quarantined people. Here's the next one.

哦隔离的人啊 下一个

"Oregon police warn people not to call 911 just because they ran out of toilet paper."

“俄勒冈州的警察警告人们不要因为没有厕纸就打911”

Oh quarantined people. I've heard people are doing that.

哦隔离的人啊 我听说有人这么干了

It's insane. Really? I hadn't heard that.

不可思议 是吗？我没听说过

Here's another one. "New Yorker singing out the window told, 'Shut the f up.'"

下一个 “有人冲开着窗户唱歌的人喊‘闭上你的狗嘴吧’”

Oh quarantined people in New York. Here's another one.

哦纽约隔离的人啊 下一个

"Pornhub reports a spike in views amid coronavirus outbreak."

“Pornhub（色情影片网站）报道 冠状病毒疫情期间 观看量猛增”

Oh quarantined people. Guilty. Did you say, "Guilty?"

哦隔离的人啊 内疚啊 你说“内疚”了吗？

Here's the next one. "Man teaching his dog to drive during the quarantine arrested after high-speed chase."

下一个 “一男子在隔离期间教狗狗开车 最终因高速行驶被捕”

Oh quarantined people. And one more.

哦隔离的人啊 最后一个

"Man asked neighbor out with drone, then takes her on a date in a giant inflatable ball."

“男子用无人机约邻居出来 然后穿着巨大的充气球跟她约会”

Oh quarantined straight people. If you see a headline that'll make me say, "Oh quarantined people," please send it to me.

哦隔离的异性恋人啊 如果你看到了能让我说“哦隔离的人啊”的标题 请发给我

And if you don't see one, do something crazy and maybe you'll end up in a segment yourself.

如果你没看见过 那就干点疯狂的事吧 或许你能在某个环节中看到你自己