Apple has something new and slightly terrifying on the way. Soon you will be able to track all your medical information on your iPhone.
苹果公司将推出有些吓人的新东西，很快你就能在你的苹果手机上跟踪你所有的医疗信息qyJiJxv6&NhW。
Apple is like: "Look, we already know all this stuff. We are just asking your permission to put it on your phone."
苹果就像在说：听着，我们早就掌握这些信息了@_vHXRUtPIEC[!。现在只不过是请求你同意我们把它存在手机里]F6QD1L+!3!EPxM!VeCu。
The idea is to help people automatically keep track of their medical history, and also to let the guy at the Genius Bar know you have herpes.
该想法是帮助人们自动记录他们的病史，还会让“天才吧”（给苹果客户提供售后服务的）的人知道你有疱疹-vM|mM(VVhJjLrreN~M。
But, part of me likes the idea because I like the idea of tracking my medical history.
但一方面我是喜欢这个想法的，因为我觉得记录病史这个想法挺好F6&Xl9ZoGW#xXP7w。
Part of me doesn't, because it seems a little bit... I mean imagine, imagine what it would be like if Siri was your doctor.
另一方面我又不喜欢，因为它似乎有点……我是说，试想一下如果Siri是你的医生会是什么样子的wk4~njN28TQXZQ,。
Hey, Siri. What can I help you with?
嘿，SiriHM)c-qyw6OS(wvm^&i,。有什么我能帮您？
Thanks for seeing me, I've been a little under the weather.
谢谢你给我瞧病，我身体有点不舒服5;ix+dQs=8d]UyqH6&。
The weather in Los Angeles is currently clear skies with zero percent chance of rain. No, no, no. I'm saying... The temperature is...
洛杉矶当前的天气是天气晴朗，降水概率为零（讽刺其不懂“under the weather”之意）rl)TEDtiI9IL_。不、不、不ztfTzD%FSkHsa]。我是说……气温是……
Siri I don't feel well. I have a pain in my side.
Siri，我身体不舒服jlgZp%.eBI+|。我身体的一侧很疼7xR,-pYGp.[xVxAO。

You're concerned about penis size.
你担心鸡鸡的尺寸（讽刺其语音辨识能力很差）-A.mB=E#X)Ta4hd[J。
I found several pills that can help.
我找到了一些可以帮到你的药物fBwr)ZIYxj(l(jn)Rbxd。
Not... Yeah a little but I'm not... I have a pain, what I'm asking about I have a pain right here. It hurts when I press it.
不是……是有一点担心，但我不是……我这里痛，我问的是我这儿痛wE=l|pyWeSgkO,。按它的时候就会疼A).-2+&GY5u。
Prostate. Got it. Remove your pants and bend over the table. No, no, no... I'm pretty sure this pain has absolutely nothing to do with my prostate.
前列腺，明白了（prostate与press it的读音相似）o*xI^nAgcGEHLp]。脱掉裤子然后趴到桌子上bWAmi=#CJ8N。不、不、不……我十分肯定这里疼绝对和我的前列腺没有任何关系eL0+%1[8|rm#4;uBr。
Okay. Prostitutes. I found five prostitutes in your area. Tap one to call.
好的，小姐（同上，prostate与Prostitutes的读音相似）|(QThUFw_W8WD2ww,(。我在你的区域找到了五位小姐[k@gJhrxa~.*r5.oaXp。请按1号键呼叫&@CHB@*_m|P]x;Ci8.。
No. You know what I'm not... I don't want to call any of them. Can you just give me something for the pain? Maybe, uh, Aspirin or some Tylenol.
不，我不是……我不想给她们打电话FBF*jX;GzpD-1.D=EM。你能给我开一些止疼的药吗？也许，呃，阿司匹林或泰诺oE0K+0dK_4m_Nu7EO=;。
Okay, Tide Pods. No. It's... Tylenol.
好的，汰渍洗衣球（同上，Tylenol与Tide Pods的读音相似）!db,mf!FXy6eAf,)#HvJ。不，是……泰诺)N~K(~P%Sg+Lwe!=Zj。
Can I help you with anything else? No... these will be fine. Thank you Siri. Thank you for the Tide Pods.
还有什么可以帮您的吗？没了……这些就可以了&HG7kt8B~+,DJnU+[I;)。谢谢你，Siri，谢谢你的洗衣球vXa0@RzCvMCV^e7MP&A。
Thank you Siri. I'm just gonna stay here. Alright.
谢谢你，Siri)E|&7rje%~dau.E;%。我打算就待在这里了Km5gca6.Pj]YD+。好了cM|tDaD*_I#cPzdU9。
I don't know why. I don't know why I feel like... You've just walked in on a Lily Tomlin sketch.
不知道为什么我觉得……大家刚刚碰见的是莉莉·汤姆林（美国女演员）的画像W,MUu%Gm]sDZ0K@4gF。