Have you ever talked with a friend about a problem only to realize that he just doesn't seem to grasp why the issue is so important to you?
你有没有遇到过这样的情况，当你跟一个朋友聊起自己的困难，你发现他好像无法明白这事为什么对你这么重要？
Have you ever presented an idea to a group and it's met with utter confusion?
当你表达自己的想法给一群人，结果却发现没人能明白？
Or maybe you've been in an argument when the other person suddenly accuses you of not listening to what they're saying at all?
或者跟别人辩论，对方突然指责起你来，说你根本没有在听他们在说什么？
What's going on here?
这是怎么回事呢？
The answer is miscommunication, and in some form or another, we've all experienced it.
答案是交流不畅，而且不管是哪种形式（的交流不畅），我们都遇到过。
It can lead to confusion, animosity, misunderstanding, or even crashing a multimillion dollar probe into the surface of Mars.
它会让人糊涂，产生仇恨，引起误会，甚至使一个价值数百万的探测器在火星坠毁。
The fact is even when face-to-face with another person, in the very same room,
其实，即便人们当面聊天，在同一个房间，
and speaking the same language, human communication is incredibly complex.
说同一种语言，人类的交流依然是极为复杂的。
But the good news is that a basic understanding of what happens when we communicate can help us prevent miscommunication.
好在，当我们交流时，对当下情况的基本理解可以帮我们避免交流不畅。
For decades, researchers have asked, "What happens when we communicate?"
数十年来，科学家们不断探索“当我们交流时，到底发生了什么？”
One interpretation, called the transmission model, views communication as a message that moves directly from one person to another,
有一种解释是“传递模式”出问题，它视这种交流模式是一种将讯息只做单向的传递而已。
similar to someone tossing a ball and walking away.
这就好比某人扔了一个球，然后走掉了。
But in reality, this simplistic model doesn't account for communication's complexity.
但是，这个简易的模式并不能用来解释复杂的交流。
Enter the transactional model, which acknowledges the many added challenges of communicating.
另一种解释是“交换模式”，它承认交流中的附加障碍。
With this model, it's more accurate to think of communication between people as a game of catch.
这个模式更准确地形容，就好比把人与人的交流比喻成一场接球游戏。
As we communicate our message, we receive feedback from the other party.
当我们在交流信息时，我们会收到对方的反馈。
Through the transaction, we create meaning together.
通过这样的信息交换，双方共同建立语义。
But from this exchange, further complications arise.
但是这样的交换也会有复杂性产生。
It's not like the Star Trek universe, where some characters can Vulcan mind meld, fully sharing thoughts and feelings.
它不像星际迷航裡面的演员可以心灵感应，可以完全准确地传递想法。
As humans, we can't help but send and receive messages through our own subjective lenses.
相反，人类只能通过主观视角来发送和接收信息。
When communicating, one person expresses her interpretation of a message,
在交流中，A按照她自己的理解去表达信息，
and the person she's communicating with hears his own interpretation of that message.
而B则会用自己的方式去理解该信息。

Our perceptual filters continually shift meanings and interpretations.
所以，我们的“感知过滤器”一直在改变语言的含义。
Remember that game of catch?
还记得刚刚的接球游戏吗？
Imagine it with a lump of clay.
让我们把球想像成一块软软的黏土。
As each person touches it, they shape it to fit their own unique perceptions based on any number of variables,
当每个人接到它时会受很多因素的影响，每个人会把它捏成符合自己独特知觉的形状。
like knowledge or past experience, age, race, gender, ethnicity, religion, or family background.
这些影响因素包括阅历，年龄，种族，性别，民族，宗教，或家庭背景。
Simultaneously, every person interprets the message they receive based on their relationship with the other person,
与此同时，人们会根据自己与对方的关系
and their unique understanding of the semantics and connotations of the exact words being used.
以及自己对语言的独特解释来理解对方说的话。
They could also be distracted by other stimuli, such as traffic or a growling stomach.
人们有时也会被其他事物分心，比如堵车，肚子在叫了。
Even emotion might cloud their understanding, and by adding more people into a conversation,
甚至情绪也会干扰人们对事物的理解。而且，当谈话的参与人数增加，
each with their own subjectivities, the complexity of communication grows exponentially.
每个人都带着主观性，交流的复杂程度就会飙升。
So as the lump of clay goes back and forth from one person to another, reworked, reshaped, and always changing,
当黏土块在人们之间不断传递，重塑，变形，
it's no wonder our messages sometimes turn into a mush of miscommunication.
难怪我们的讯息有时会变成一堆交流不畅的烂泥巴。
But, luckily, there are some simple practices that can help us all navigate our daily interactions for better communication.
但幸运的是，一些练习能帮助我们掌控日常互动从而达到顺畅交流。
One: recognize that passive hearing and active listening are not the same.
练习一：首先你要意识到，被动聆听和主动聆听是有区别的。
Engage actively with the verbal and nonverbal feedback of others, and adjust your message to faciliate greater understanding.
要积极去感受他人言语和非言语信息，并通过调整你的表达来促使对方更好地理解你。
Two: listen with your eyes and ears, as well as with your gut.
练习二：聆听时要用到你的眼，耳，甚至内脏。
Remember that communication is more than just words.
记住，交流并不仅限于文字交流。
Three: take time to understand as you try to be understood.
练习三：理解他人和试图被他人理解都要慢慢来。
In the rush to express ourselves, it's easy to forget that communication is a two-way street.
如果急于表达自己的看法，就容易忘记交流其实是双向的。
Be open to what the other person might say.
要善于接受对方可能说的话。
And finally, four: Be aware of your personal perceptual filters.
最后，练习四：要意识到自己的“感知过滤器”。
Elements of your experience, including your culture, community, and family, influence how you see the world.
你的阅历，包括文化，社群和家庭环境，都会影响你如何看待这个世界。
Say, "This is how I see the problem, but how do you see it?"
你要说：“我是这样看这个问题的，你呢？”
Don't assume that your perception is the objective truth.
不要以为你的主观看法都是客观真理。
That'll help you work toward sharing a dialogue with others to reach a common understanding together.
这个练习可以帮你改进与他人的谈话从而达成互相理解。