Good morning, madam. And what can we do for you?
What can you do for me?
Yes, madam, what can we do for you?
You've already done it, thank you very much. And I want something done about what you've done for me.
Is something the matter, madam?
I'll say there is, I want to see the manager.
I'm the manager, madam. Now ... now what seems to be the trouble?
Look at my face!
Your face? Ah yes. Oh dear. Well, never mind. What's wrong with your face? What exactly am I supposed to be looking at?
My lines, my Wrinkles.
Well, we can soon put that right, Madam. You need a bottle of our New Generation Wrinkle Cream. With this wonderful new cream your lines and wrinkles just ...
... just disap ... I beg your pardon?
I said shut up! I was silly enough to listen to you before. I'll listen to no more of it.
You say you've been here before, madam. I'm afraid I don't recognize you.
Of course you don't recognize me! Last time I came in here I was a very attractive middle-aged woman. Now I look old enough to be even your grandmother.
Well, yes ... er ... some of us do age quicker than others.
It's not a question of age, my man, it's a question of your cream. I used it for two small lines under my eyes and I woke up next morning looking like Lady Frankenstein.
Your advertisement says 'Lose ten years overnight. For only five pounds you can look young and attractive again.
Tried by thousands. Money back guarantee.' Well, I want more than my money back. I want you to pay for me to have plastic surgery.
But, madam, there must be some mistake.
I'll say there's been a mistake. My mistake was believing your advert and buying your silly cream. 'It cando the same for you, too,' it said. Well, it's certainly done something for me, but now what it did for the lady in the picture.
But our product is tested and approved by doctors. It was thoroughly tested on thousands of volunteers by experts before it was allowed to be sold on the market. This is the first complaint we've had.
I told you, I want you to pay for a face lift or I'm taking you to court! So there!
Er, do you happen to have a ... a recent photograph, madam?
What... whatever do you want with a photograph? You can see the way I look.
I mean a photograph of you just before you used the cream.
Do you think I go to the photographers everyday? (Pause) Look, Just give me the five pounds, will you?
Do you have your receipt with you, madam?
Er ... just a minute ... let me have a look. (Rummages in bag) Er ... no. No, I seem to have lost it?
Then there's nothing I can do, madam. Sorry.
(furious) I'll take you to court. I'll take you to court.
You can do as you please, madam. Good morning.
Right, what do you want me to get then?
Right, er ... well, go to the green grocer's first.
Yeah, the green grocer's. (Right.) OK.
Right, let me see, potatoes, but new potatoes, not mottled ones. I mean they're really not very good any more. Urm, three pounds ...
Hang on. I'm trying to write this down. New potatoes.
Right. ... three pounds.Three pounds. Yes.
Spring onions, one bunch.
One bunch of spring onions.
And ... a pound of bananas.
And a pound of bananas. Right.
And then, could you go to the supermarket as well?
Mm, let me see. A packet of sugar cubes.
A packet of sugar cubes.
Yeah. Cubes, mind you, not the other stuff.
Coffee, instant coffee, but yeah, get Nescafe, Nescafe gold blend.
Yeah. I don't really like any other kinds.
OK. Nescafe ... what did you say?
Gold blend. Yeah.
You know one of those eight-ounce jars.
Eight ounces. Yes, yes.
Sunflower ... you see, I need it for ...
What is it? What's that?
I need it for a special recipe.
Never heard of that.Sunflower cooking oil.
Any special kind?
Any dry white.
Dry white wine. Yeah. And some bread.
Some bread. Any, again, any particular kind?
No. Any kind? Any kind, yeah. OK. Yeah. Anything else?
No, I don't think. Oh yes, hang on. I forget apples. Golden delicious, urm, from the green grocer's.
Golden delicious apples. How many?
Two pounds. Yes.
Hi, I'm back.
Ah, good. Right, well, let's see what you've got then.
Right, let's see what we have got here. Three pounds of potatoes.
Oh look. These're old potatoes. I did say new potatoes. These, these are no good.
Oh, I'm sorry. It doesn't make much difference.Yes, it does.
I'm sorry. Well, actually, I couldn't, I didn't see any new potatoes.
Mm, alright. What are these, onions?
But these are not spring onions.
Oh, they are nice, nice big ones, though, aren't they?
Yeah, but not spring onions.
Oh, sorry. I didn't, I didn't really know what spring onions were.
Well, you know, there's long ones ...
Oh, they have all sorts. ... and thin ones.
Right. Some bananas.
That, yeah, they are fine. Great.
Good. Two pounds of apples.
Cooking apples? I did say golden delicious. Look, these are for cooking. I wanted some for eating. You know, for ... oh well ...
Oh well, I didn't know. I thought they would do. They look nice.
Right. A bottle of wine. Riesling, OK?
Yeah, fine, great. That's fine. And sugar cubes here. Great.
Yes, yes. OK.
Right. Now they didn't have any Nescafe Gold Blend, so I got Maxwell House. That's all they had.
Alright, alright. Never mind.
Yeah. And oil.
But not Sunflower oil.
I couldn't see that. I got this. I think it's good stuff, good quality.
Yes, it is good, but it's olive oil and that's not what my recipe wanted. I need Sunflower oil.
Well, I don't think you'll find it. And a loaf of bread.
That's fine. All right. Well, I suppose I'll have to go out myself again then.
Well, sorry, but I don't think it's my fault. Mm.