Lesson 28

Section 1 Functions and Happenings:

(a)Tomatoes! Tomatoes! Forty p a pound. Yer lovely salad tomatoes today. Lots o'lovely mush. Fifty p half pound, and a punnet o'strawberries ... for one pound.

(b)You have exactly three and a half hours before polling stations close. Three and a half hours, which means, obviously that you've got three and a half hours in which to cast your vote, a vote which I know you're all going to cast for Mary Hargreaves, the future member of Parliament. Mary Hargreaves has campaigned furiously and industriously over ...

(c)Welcome to Tescos. May we inform our customers that today we have English strawberries on special offerat only sixty-five p a pound and raspberries at only forty-nine p a pound and loganberries at thirty-eightp a pound. We hope you will avail yourselves of our special offers.

(d)(sound of applause and cheering in background)We can't continue the concert until people have cleared the central aisle. The space ... We've got to keep the path clear for emergency services and we can't continue the music until it is cleared. Now, please, clear the central aisle!

(e)End Apartheid! End Apartheid! Apartheid! Out! Out! Out! Free Africa! Free Africa! Black and white together! Black and white together! Apartheid out! Apartheid out! Out! Out! Out!

(f)Er, now, a, a few points for all the stewards and demonstrators before we move off. Er ... er ... Can you be quiet, please! Now, will all the stewards please remember to walk on the outside of the column, on the outside, very important, and the demonstrators, please pay particular attention to the route. Now, we will be walking down Park Lane to, to Piccadilly and we will be going through Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square and from then on into Trafalgar Square. No right turns, no left turns, straight on into Trafalgar Square. Is that OK?

(g)Any old iron? Any old iron? Anybody, iron? Any old iron?

Section 2 A.Kinds of People.

He's quite a solitary type of person, really. You know, he spends most of histime at home, reading, listening to the radio, things like that. He goes out to the pub occasionally, and he does quite a lot of singing, too—he belongs to the local choir, I believe—but you never see him at weekends.

He's always off somewhere in the country, walking or fishing. He does a lot of fishing, actually—but always on his own. Funny sort of bloke.

B Career Woman and Marriage.

Miss Barbara Pream, the Head of Pushet Advertising Agency, is being interviewed for a radio program on women and work.

So, here you are, Miss Pream, right at the top of the profession in advertising.

I suppose you have quite a lot of men working under you, don't you?

Yes, I do. Most of my employees are men, in fact.

I see. And they don't mind having a woman boss?

No. Why should they? I'm good at my job.

Yes, of course. But, tell me, Miss Pream, have you never thought... about getting married? I mean, most women do think about it from time to time.

But, I am married.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize, Mrs. ...

I prefer not to use my married name in the office.

And your husband, how does he like being married to a career woman?

He has nothing to complain about.

No, of course not. By the way, what does he do?

Well, he prefers to stay at home and run the house. He enjoys doing that as a matter of fact.

C The Uncle I Hardly Knew.

Well, uh ... I'll come straight to the point. As you know, your uncle, Eduardo Gatto, died last December.

Yes. I was very sorry to hear that, even though I hadn't heard from him for a long time.

Hmm. Did you know that he was a very rich man?

Uh ... n ... no ... I didn't.

Yes. That's why I've come to see you. I ... I have some news for you.

What?

He's left everything to you.

What?!

Yes. The sum comes to more than two million Australian dollars.

What?! I ... I can't believe it.

It's all true. In his will, Mr. Gatto left clear instructions that I should come to London personally to see you.

I ... I just can't get over it. I ... I feel it's just ... just too good to be true.

Oh, it's true all right. Believe me. However, there are certain restrictions about how you can use the money. Would you like me to go through them with you now?

Yes, yes. Please do!

Well, first of all, you mustn't spend it all at once. The money will be paid to you gradually, over a period of ten years.

Yes, yes ... I understand, but, before you go on, could you tell me how my uncle made all this money?
Pizza.

Pardon?

Pizza. You know, the thing people eat, with cheese and ...

Yes, yes, of course! But how could he make so much money with pizza?

Well, he introduced it into Australia just before it became very popular. And he set up a chain of pizza restaurants. They're very successful. He was a very intelligent, good businessman.

It's strange that he never wrote to us. Never. I know he was very fond of me.

But he couldn't. That was his problem.

Pardon? He couldn't what?

Write.

He couldn't... Do you really mean he couldn't...

Write. Even though he was very intelligent. And that brings me to the other restriction in his will. You must use part of the money for your own further education. Mr. Gatto was a great believer in it. He always regretted he didn't get one himself.

D Bargains.

I'm fed up with sitting on packing cases, Joe. Don't you think we could buy at least two chairs?

Do you know how match new chairs cost? One cheap comfortable armchair... eighty pounds.

Yes, I know. It's terrible. But I have an idea. Why don't we look for chairs at a street market? I've always wanted to see one.

All right. Which one shall we go to?

Portobello Road, I think. There are a lot of second-hand things there. But we'll have to go tomorrow. It'sonly open on Saturdays.

What time do you want to go? Not too early I hope.

The guide-book says the market is open from nine to six. It's a very popular market so we'd better be there when it opens.

Right. I'll set the alarm.

Oh, Joe. Look at the crowd.

They must have the same guide-book that we have.

But it's very exciting ... look at that old table-cloth and those beautiful curtains.

Aren't we looking for chairs?

Yes, but we need curtains. Come on.

Whew. I'm so tired that I can't even remember what we've bought.

I can. A lot of rubbish. I'll make some tea. You can have a look at our 'bargains'.

Joe, the curtains are beautiful but they're very dirty.

What did you say?

I said the curtains were very dirty.

Why don't you wash them?

I can't. They're too big. I'll have them dry-cleaned.

And what are you going to do about those holes. Can you mend them?

I can't. I can't sew. I'll have them mended.

How much will all that cost? I never want to see another bargain ... and we still haven't got any chairs.

Section 3 A.A Mugging.

One night, Mrs. Riley, an elderly widow, was walking along a dark, London street.

She was carrying her handbag in one hand and a plastic carrier bag in the other. There was nobody else illthe street except two youths. They were standing in a dark shop doorway. One of them was very tall with fair hair; the other was short and fat with a beard and moustache.

The youths waited for a few moments, and then ran quickly and quietly towards Mrs. Riley. The tall youth held her from behind while the other youth tried to snatch her handbag.

Suddenly, Mrs. Riley threw the tall youth over her shoulder. He crashed into the other youth and they bothlanded on the ground. Without speaking, Mrs. Riley struck both of them on the head with her handbag, and walked calmly away.

The two surprised youths were still sitting on the ground when Mrs. Riley crossed the street towards a door with a lighted sign above it. Mrs. Riley paused, turned round, smiled at the youths and walked into the South West London Judo Club.

b.Bank Robbery.

(The scene is in a bank. A clerk is sitting behind the desk and a customer is writing out acheque.) Would you mind showing me your cheque card?

Certainly. Here you are. (Suddenly a robber bursts in, he is holding a gun.)

This is a hold-up! (points gun at Clerk) Hands up! Hand over the money or I'll shoot.

Just a minute. Would you mind waiting your turn? This lady was before you.

All right, but hurry up!

(to the customer) How would you like the money?

In fives, please.(Clerk counts out the money and hands it to the Customer, who goes to the side to count the money.)

(to the Robber) Now then, sir. What can I do for you?

I've just told you. This is a hold-up and I want some money.

Well, I'm afraid it's not that easy. If you want me to give you some money, you'll have to open account first.

Do you mean that if I open all account, then you'll give me some money?

That would be the first step.

Okay, I'll open an account. Hand over the form. Quickly.

(gets a form) Here we are. Just fill it in and sign at the bottom.

I haven't got a pen!

You could borrow mine if you like.

Thanks.(The Robber tries to fill in the form, but has difficulties because he is holding the gun in his right hand and is unable to write with his left hand.)

If it would make things easier, I'll hold that for you (points to gun).

Okay. (The Customer holds the gun while the Robber fills in the form. When the Robber has finished, the Customer hands back the gun. )

Right. Now hand over the money. Quickly.

I'm sorry, but before we can open the account you'll need referees.

(points to Customer) Will she do?

I'd be happy to write a reference.

No, she doesn't know you well enough.

What about my doctor?

Yes, that'll be fine for one. And the other?

(thinks hard) Would my probation officer do?

Yes, I should think so. Would you like to ask him to fill in these forms and then bring them back next week?

So, if I bring back these forms next week, you'll give me some money?

Well, we'll see what we can do.

(holds up forms and puts gun away) Right, then, I'll see you next week. Thanks for being so helpful.

It's all part of the service. Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.