I was unstoppable. I mean, I was...I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like-like athletes must feel when they're in the zone.
感觉来了挡都挡不住。我是说，我当时整个小宇宙都爆发了，犹如进入身心合一之境。运动员们在进入状态时估计就是这感觉。
Again, it was miniature golf.
刚才只是打个迷你高尔夫好吗。
Admit it, you're a little turned on. You can't be this proud.
承认被我迷到"性"致盎然了吧。你不能这么洋洋得意。
Why not? Because I beat you.
为什么不行？因为你被我虐爆了。
Hey. Hey. Oh, good. You're back.
好啊。好啊。太好了。你们回来了。
We have some exciting news. Okay.
我们有一件令人高兴的事宣布。好吧。
As you know, Amy and I have been together a long time, and a lot of things I never thought possible now seem possible. Okay...
你们也知道，我和艾米在一起挺久了。很多我曾经以为不可能会发生的事，现在看来也很有可能。好的...
After a careful evaluation of our relationship, we decided that the time was right to take a step forward.
在谨慎地审视我们这段感情后，我们觉得现在是时候迈出下一步了。
Okay. Do you want to say it? Let's say it together. We're getting a turtle!
好的。你想来宣布吗？我们一起宣布吧。我们要养只乌龟！
This is why I've been saying we should keep champagne on ice. Sarcasm? Yes.
这就是为啥我说要保持有冰镇好的香槟。讽刺吗？是的。
Okay. That was tricky, 'cause when it comes to alcohol, she generally means business.
好吧。这题挺有难度，因为通常跟酒相关的事她都是说真的，从不开玩笑。
Well, we're-we're very happy for you. Yes.
我们很为你们感到高兴。是的。
Thank you. Acquiring a joint pet is a big step for us.
谢谢。一起养一只宠物对我们而言是件大事。
No. It's true. It means that we care so much about each other, there's enough left over for an eight-ounce reptile.
这是真的。这代表我们在乎对方到还能有多余的关爱，来分给一只200克的爬行动物。
Why a turtle?
为什么选乌龟？
After much deliberation, we've determined that a turtle is the ideal pet. They don't shed fur, they don't make noise...
在一番深思熟虑过后，我们决定乌龟是最理想的宠物。他们不会掉毛，不会发出声音...
For Halloween, we can dress him as a cobblestone.
万圣节时还能他把打扮成一颗鹅卵石。
And if he ever goes berserk, I know I can outrun him. Coincidentally, that's also why I chose you as a roommate.
如果哪天他发狂，我肯定也跑得比他快。而无独有偶的是，这也是我选你当室友的理由。
Well, congratulations. Who would've thought you two would be the first in our group to start a family?
恭喜恭喜。谁会料到我们这帮人里你们是第一对有儿女的人呢？
That's what I said!
我也这么说！
So, where's your roommate tonight?
你的室友今晚去哪了？
Well, I thought it was a little unfair that she's always here, and you never get a chance to stay over, so...I killed her.
我觉得她总在这里碍事对你挺不公平，因为你从来没有机会在这里过夜，所以...我把她杀了。
But remember our agreement? You can joke about murdering people, but you have to say, "just kidding."
还记得我们的约定吗？你可以开你杀了人的玩笑，但是你后面得说"开玩笑的啦"。
And the more important thing to remember is that I'd never hurt you.
而更不该忘的一条重要约定是我永远不会伤害你。
Oh, crap. I have to run over to the hospital and check on a patient.
真倒霉。我得赶回医院一趟，察看一个病人。
That's okay. I can come back later.
没关系。我可以晚点再来。
No. No, don't be silly. I won't be gone long. Just stay here.
不用，别傻了。我不会去太久，就在这待着吧。
Okay, cool. Oh, and you're sure your roommate's not gonna come back while I'm here alone, right? 'Cause that'll be awkward.
好，没问题。你确定我一个人在这待着时，你的室友不会突然回来吧？因为这样会很尴尬。
Oh, don't worry. She's in Palm Springs. Oh, good.
不用担心，她在棕榈泉。那就好。
Well, her torso is. Just kidding. I put her in a wood chipper.
她的躯干在那里。开玩笑的啦。我把她扔进碎木机了。
Oh, dear Lord. Oh, dear Lord. It's okay. You made it. We're fine. That was a lot of puppies.
我的老天，我的老天啊。没事的。你撑过去了，没事啦。那也太多小狗了。
Let's forget about them, and...pick ourselves out a nice turtle. Oh, how about this one up on the log?
别管它们了，来给我们选只乌龟吧。你看这只在木头上的怎么样？
Oh, I don't know. He kind of looks like a jerk. How about this one?
我不知道。他看起来像个混蛋。你看这只如何？
Well, he's barely moving. He looks half dead.
那只不太动，感觉半死不活的。
I know. I like him, too. Hi, little guy. How'd you like to come home with us? You'll be living with me because we don't live in the same house.
对啊，我也喜欢他。小家伙。有兴趣跟我们一起回家吗？你会跟我一起住，因为我们不住在一个家里。
But that's not your fault. Like you, we're taking it ridiculously slow. You'll stay with me when he's at ComicCon or away for work.
但这不是你的错。我们像你一样，用超龟速发展这段感情。他去动漫展或上班时，你会跟我待在一起。
Or if they accept Daddy's application to live on Mars.
如果爸比去火星住的申请通过了，你也跟她住。
What are you talking about?
你在说什么？
Oh, there's this company that's attempting to establish a colony on Mars, and I applied to be among the first to go.
有一个公司，他们想要在火星上设立一个殖民地，我申请了当第一批移民。
What should we name him? You know, I came in thinking "Seth," but...he kind of looks Italian.
我们该给他取什么名字呢？本来在路上我还打算给他取"塞斯"，可是...他长得像个意大利人。
You applied for a mission to be a colonist on another planet, and couldn't be bothered to tell me?
你申请要成为另一个行星的移民者，而你都没想过告诉我一声吗？
Would you have approved? Of course not.
事先说你会同意吗？当然不会。
Well, based on your reaction, it looks like I made the right choice. Isn't that right, Giuseppe?
从你的反应来看，我做了正确的选择。对不对呀，朱塞佩[意大利名]？
Hey, hey...Listen, II have a little confession to make.
那个...听着，我要跟你坦白件事。
Aw, is this your first time?
哎哟，这是你的第一次吗？
No, I got you something for Valentine's Day, and I was too embarrassed to give it to you.
不是啦，我情人节给你买了份礼物，当时觉得太难为情没敢送给你。
Well, why? Well, 'cause I got it at the dirty store.
为什么？因为我是从"色色"用品店里买的。
You went to the dirty store without me? !
你居然去色色用品店不带我？！
In sunglasses and a hat after I parked two blocks away.
我特意戴了墨镜和帽子，还把车停在两条街外。
Well, get it! Get it for me! Yeah? Yeah.
拿来！快给我拿来！真的想要吗？真的。
Okay, uh, well, I hope it's fun. I mean, it-it comes with paints, and-and it's kind of creative and artistic.
好吧，我希望会好玩。因为这玩意配有颜料，所以富有创造力和艺术性。
Okay, did you go to the dirty store or Michaels?
你是去了色色用品店还是手工用品店啊？
No, no. We cover ourselves in body paint, and then-then we get on this big canvas and do our thing.
不是。我们把人体彩绘颜料涂身上，然后在这张大画布上"办事"。
Whoa, that's kind of a big step for a guy who only recently agreed to take his socks off.
哇，对于一个最近刚愿意做爱时把袜子脱掉的男人来说，跨出了很大一步啊。
You're making fun of me. Forget it. No! No, come on, I want to do it. Really? Yeah.
你在嘲笑我。算了吧。不！来嘛，我想试试。真的吗？对啊。
Let's you, me, and your very, very pale feet make some art. Hey, when you got back to this store, I want to go with you.
让我和你，还有你那对白皙的脚丫子一起创造艺术吧。对了，你下次去那家店的时候，我想跟你一起去。
Okay, but it's a drive, the one I went to is in San Diego.
好啊，不过有点远，我去的那家在圣地亚哥。
How are the taxes going?
报税弄得怎么样了？
Okay. But you got a lot of receipts for the Lego store in here.
还行。但你在乐高商店消费的发票真多。
Those are business expenses. You can write those off.
那些都是业务支出，你可以把那些冲销。
A $200 R2D2 is a business expense?
价值两百美元的R2D2机器人也是业务支出吗？
Oh, Bernie, you're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited. Hey, what's up?
妮妮，等我们被税务局审查时，你的语气得比现在更自信才行。怎么了？
Eh, Emily ran back to the hospital, so I'm just hanging out at her place. What are you, uh, what are you doing?
艾米丽回医院了，所以我在她家四处转转。你呢，你在干什么？
Just playing video games while Bernie does the taxes.
我在打电动，妮妮在报税。
What are you, a little kid? Is she gonna cut your dinner into little pieces, too?
你是三岁小孩吗？你老婆是不是还要帮你把晚餐切成小块呀？
She doesn't have to. I filled up on jelly beans.
不用啊，我吃果冻软糖就吃饱了。
So, uh, what game are you...Crap.
那你在玩什么电动...糟糕。
What's wrong? I can't get Emily's nightstand to close. So?
怎么了？我合不上艾米丽的床头柜了。所以呢？
She's gonna know I was looking in it.
她就会发现我偷翻她的抽屉啊。
Why were you looking in it?
那你为什么要看呢？
Well, there's a question I better have a good answer to before she gets back.
这个问题我最好在她回来之前想好答案。
Okay, calm down. There's probably something jammed behind it. Just, uh, pull it out and see what's there.
好吧，冷静。很可能抽屉里面有东西卡住了。你把它拉出来，看看是什么。
Hang on. Oh...no. Oh, no. Oh, God, no!
等一下。完了，完了。这下完蛋了！
You know what, you sound busy, I'm gonna let you go.
你听起来很忙，那我就不打扰你啦。
Dude, the whole front came off. Now she's gonna know I was snooping.
伙计，前面板子整个都掉下来了。这下她肯定知道我在偷翻她东西。
What's happening? Raj was snooping through Emily's drawers and broke one. I'm gonna miss her.
发生什么事了？拉杰偷翻艾米丽的抽屉，结果弄坏了一个。分手了我会想她的。
So what do you think? I thought it'd be a little more...just more.
你觉得怎么样？我还以为画面会更...更丰富一点。
I'm not even sure why we were out of breath. Uh, I mean, d-did we move at all?
我都不懂我们为啥喘得上气不接下气。我是说，我们有移动过一丁点吗？
Maybe along the z-axis, but x and y are looking pretty sad.
可能有顺着Z轴移动，但X轴和Y轴看了让人想落泪。
Okay, come on. We are not old boring people. We can do better than this.
拜托，我们不是又老又无趣的人。我们可以玩儿更多花样的。
Uh, th-that's true. How late did we stay up last night? Almost 1:00 a. M.
你说得对。昨晚我们熬夜到几点？将近凌晨一点吧。
Damn straight, almost 1:00 a. M.And we weren't even watching TV. We were watching Netflix, like the kids do.
太对了，将近凌晨一点呢。而且我们不是在看电视，我们看的是视频网站，就像小年轻那样。
Yeah, is it a comedy? Is it a drama? Nobody knows. Now, come on. We are gonna do this.
是啊。看的是喜剧还是普通电视剧？谁知道啊。来吧。我们要再来一遍。
Yeah. You get the paint, I'll rest for 30-40 minutes, and then we do this!
好的，你去拿颜料，我休息个30到40分钟，然后我们大"干"一场！
I can't believe you almost had me bring a wild animal into my home.
真不敢相信你差点就让我把一只野动物带回家。
No one told you to poke the turtle's face.
没人让你去戳乌龟的脸。
I was playing "Got Your Nose." That's how you get children to like you.
我跟它玩"偷走你的鼻子"游戏。通常想让小孩喜欢你就这么玩。
I'm surprised you even care if he likes you, since you're planning on leaving the planet the first chance you get.
我很惊讶你居然会在乎他会不会喜欢你，因为只要机会来了，你第一时间就会离开这星球。
Ugh, this again. Amy, I've already had one new hole torn in my body today. I don't need another one.
又来了。艾米，我的身体今天已经被咬了一个洞了，心上不需要再多一个。
Sheldon, I know the odds of you even going to Mars are incredibly small, but it still hurts that you would volunteer for something that would take you away from me forever.
谢尔顿，我知道你去火星的几率非常渺茫。但是一想到你自愿申请会永远离开我的项目，我还是觉得很难过。
So you're saying you wouldn't leave me for the chance to be one of the first humans to colonize another planet?
所以你是说如果你有机会成为移民另一个星球的第一批人类，你也不会离开我吗？
I would at least mention it before filling out the application.
我至少会在提交申请前跟你提一下这个事。
Huh, that's exactly what Leonard, Wolowitz, Koothrappali, Bernadette and Penny said.
莱纳德 、沃罗威茨、 库萨帕里、博纳黛特和佩妮也是这么说的。
And who says you could even survive an interplanetary mission, anyway? You could barely survive a tiny turtle bite.
再说了，你怎么可能胜任这种太空任务呀？你被乌龟咬一下都差点挂了。
First of all, this...has only made me stronger. But beyond that, all I did was fill out an application.
首先，这个伤口只会让我变得更坚强。再说了，我只不过提交了申请而已。
You know what? Go to Mars, Sheldon.
我受够了，滚去火星吧，谢尔顿。
Is there anything I can do to cheer you up? No. Forget it.
我能做点什么让你不生气吗？不能。别白费力气了。
What if I play the Star Trek theme on my nose? Please don't.
我用鼻子哼哼《星际迷航》主题曲呢？拜托别这么做。
Yep, you're mad.
哇，你真的生气了。