Okay, I am technically in charge tonight, so no one tells Lily where babies come from.
今晚是我当家，所以谁都不准告诉莉莉孩子是怎么来的。
I could not agree more.
不能同意更多。
I don't know why you Americans are so uptight about sex.
我搞不懂你们美国人为什么谈到性就这么紧张。
Sex is confusing for young people, and she doesn't need to learn from two fuzz-staches who barely know anything themselves.
性对于年轻人来说是充满迷惑的，她不需要从两个胡子都没长全的小屁孩那里知道这些。
Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.
不好意思，你应该看看我的网页浏览记录。我已经做了不少研究。
Oh. Well, great. I'm just gonna go vomit forever now.
真好，现在我只想吐一辈子。

What are you guys doing?
你们在干什么？
Nothing. Just talking. Not really anything.
没什么。就在聊天而已。没什么特别的。
Can we finish our conversation?
我们能把话说完吗？
No. Lily, I'm sorry, but if you have questions, you're gonna have to ask your dads.
不行，莉莉，对不起，如果你有问题只能去问你爸爸们了。
You don't know, do you?
你们也不知道是不是？
I do so. Uh-huh, I know.
我知道。我知道。
No, we don't. Right, guys?
不，我们不知道，对不对？
No, I guess not. No.
不知道。不知道。
That's embarrassing. Want me to tell you?
太丢人了，要我告诉你们不？
What?
什么？
Hey, that's why you asked if we knew where babies came from -because you wanted to tell us?
你问我们知不知道小孩是从哪里来的...是因为你想告诉我们吗？
Yeah, you're old. You should know. But you might want to sit down for this.
是啊，你们都这么大了，该知道了。不过你们最好坐下来听我讲。
I found a tattoo shop nearby. It has four stars on Yelp, and it has military discount.
我找到附近的一家纹身店。大众点评上四颗星，军人还享有折扣。
Well, Private Dorchester reporting for duty.
二等兵多切斯特前来报到。
You are just so helpful tonight, Gloria.
你今晚真是乐于助人啊，歌洛莉亚。
You know what else you should do?
知道你们还该干啥吗？
Another idea.
又有主意了。
You should do mother-and-daughter tattoos, like - like, uh, two halves of a heart.
你们该弄个母女纹身，比如一人纹半个爱心。
Or the moon and some stars.
或者星星配月亮。
Or, like, a bird and a rifle.
或者步枪配小鸟。
Oh, my God, let's do that! I mean, not that, but, like, let's get matching tattoos! I want to do that with you.
天啊，就这么办！不是你说的那种，但可以弄个配对纹身！我想和你有配对的纹身。
You do?
真的吗？
Yeah!
当然！
It could be, like, our special thing that we have for the rest of our lives, just us.
那可以成为我们两人这辈子最特殊的东西，只属于你和我。
And no matter where we go or what we do, when people ask us about our tattoos, we can say that they're from the best night of our lives together.
不管我们去哪里，或是干什么，别人一问起我们的纹身，我们可以说它们来自我们生命中最精彩的夜晚。
That is so sweet.
太美好了。
I mean it. I want to do it with you. Will you?
我是说真的。我想和你一起纹身，你愿意吗？
I can't believe this, but I will. I will. I will 'cause I love you.
不敢相信，但我愿意，我愿意。因为我爱你。
I love you, too! I love you. I love you.
我也爱你！我爱你。我爱你。
They also have piercing!
他们还可以做穿孔！
Enough.
你够了。