Welcome to the late late show.
欢迎收看《深夜秀》
Nice to see you.
很高兴见到你们
Thanks for being here. Thank you so much.
谢谢你们的到来 谢谢
Good evening, everyone. I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. Was it fun?
晚上好 各位 希望大家感恩节都过得不错 都开心吗
I loved it. This was my first thanksgiving in this country.
我很喜欢感恩节 这是我在美国过的第一个感恩节
I had such a nice time. It was also my first black Friday.
我过得很开心 也是我在美国过的第一个黑色星期五
Turns out you guys do retail shopping a little differently than we do in the U.K. Take a look.
事实证明你们跟我们英国人买东西的方式不太一样啊 一起来看
Really?
有必要吗
So if you went shopping on black Friday,
如果你黑色星期五去买东西了
I assume you are watching this on a brand new 60-inch flat screen from the comfort of your brand new full-body cast.
用你崭新的60英寸的屏幕看着这些的时候 应该很感谢自己的全副武装
I don't think people who participate in black Friday are there even for the bargains.
我觉得并不是每个趁着黑五买东西的人都是为了折扣去的

It seems like they just go for a socially acceptable excuse to just punch a stranger in the face.
他们去可能只是想在打人的时候有一个大家能接受的理由
It must be awkward when you get the TV home
如果你买了电视回家
and there's a little red spot in the corner of the screen
屏幕角落里有个红点
and your family is like what's that?
你家里人问 那是什么
And you're like it's blood.
你说 是血
Daddy had to cut a bitch.
爸爸刚刚打伤了一个贱人
Then you plug it in, and you are on the news, cutting said bitch.
然后你插上电源 新闻里放的就是你 伤口上写着 贱人
But there is an end to the black Friday insanity,
但黑五的热潮终于可以结束了
because today was the Internet's answer to black Friday.
因为今天就是互联网对黑五的回答
Cyber Monday. Or as it's known to identity thieves, Christmas.
线上周一 或者换个说法 圣诞
I personally am so excited about Cyber Monday.
我个人很喜欢线上周一
I've been sleeping in a tent outside my computer since Friday.
我从周五开始就搭个帐篷守着电脑睡觉了
And next year, Cyber Monday is going to be even more exciting thanks to Amazon's new drone delivery service.
明年 由于亚马逊的无人机送货服务 线上周一会变得更有趣
And this is absolutely real, and they just put out a commercial advertising this service.
这绝对是真的 他们的广告都出来了
Take a look.
一起来看
This amazing hybrid design assumes a horizontalization.
这种令人感到惊艳的混合设计能帮助无人机找到平坦的位置
It uses a sense-and-avoid technology to sense and avoid obstacles on the ground and in the air and scans the landing area for potential hazards,
它采用感应与避免技术 能帮助避开空中和地面上的障碍物 扫描着陆点
then lowers itself slowly to the ground, drops off the package and fly straight back up to altitude.
然后慢慢下降 着陆后放下包裹 再飞回到空中
What could possibly go wrong?
这还能出什么问题呢
Basically it's just a flying robot covered in spinning blades that knows exactly where you live.
基本上就是个飞行机器人上面加了几片螺旋桨 然后加上知道你住哪就行了
It is going to be fine.
没事的
I mean, look, I feel bad for the children whose parents use this service.
我对那些父母在使用这项服务的孩子感到抱歉
Because you know what's going to happen.
因为你们都知道会发生什么事
Your kids would be like oh, daddy, you bought us a drone!
孩子们会说 哇 爸爸 你给我们买了无人机啊
And then the drone flies away.
然后它就飞走了
And you are like actually it is just socks, but that is just as good.
事实上里面只是袜子 袜子也很好嘛
Do we really need drones to do our Christmas shopping?
我们圣诞节买东西真的用得着用无人机送货吗
The fun of online shopping is forgetting what you ordered. Isn't it?
网上买东西的乐趣就在于忘记你买了什么 不是吗
Literally any time I shop online, it becomes Christmas a few days later.
事实上每次我在网上买东西 几天后就会变成我的圣诞节
I place an order on Amazon,
在亚马逊上买点儿东西
then two days later, I come home to a package on my doorstep and I'm like what's this?
两天后 我回家看见一个包裹在我门口 我想 这啥啊
Oh, toilet paper! Wow!
噢 是厕纸啊 太好了