(单词翻译:单击)
My name is Ian Karmel, which is ridiculous
我叫伊恩卡梅尔，名字和本人有出入，
because I am a 6 foot 3, 300-pound Jewish man and my name sounds like a whimsical British candy store.
我身高6.3英寸，体重300磅，是犹太人。伊恩卡梅尔听起来像一个英国糖果店，很奇怪。
This should not be Ian Karmel.
不应该叫伊恩卡梅尔。
My name should be like Schlomo Pudding Tits. Or it should just be ham hock, one word.
我的名字最好像施罗摩布丁山雀，或者就是火腿。
Just ham hock and my entire comedy act would be me saying better put some butter on it and then just leave.
因为火腿需要黄油，我的戏剧表演需要奉承话，然后离开。
If you like the name Ian doesn't fit me at all.
是不是觉得伊恩这个名字不太适合我
When your name is Ian, you get invited for art walks or stuff like that.
叫伊恩的话，就会受邀被参加艺术漫步。
I don't ever want to go to an art walk. I don't like either of those things.
我不想参加。一点也不喜欢。
It's too late for me to change my name though which is too bad. I wish I could.
现在改名字，太晚了，虽然这个名字不怎样。
Because my middle name fits me perfectly. My middle name is perfect for me.
我中间名很适合我。特别符合我的气质。
My middle name is George.
我的中间名是乔治。
Look at me right now. Look at this perfect George standing in front of you.
看看此刻的我。看看这个站在你们面前的完美的乔治吧。
George is the kind of person who eats chicken wings like a hostage trying to open the door handle with his mouth.
乔治吃鸡翅的方式，就像用嘴打开门把手的人质，他就是这样一个人。
It's hard looking like this when you live in Los Angeles.
当你住在洛杉矶时，你很难看到这样的场景。
There are people here in Los Angeles who I see every day
我每天都能在洛杉矶看到一些很美的人，
who are so beautiful that I can't believe we're the same species of animal. You know what I mean?
她们美到我都不敢相信我们是同一种生物。你们懂我吗？
You know what I mean, Ryan Gosling is just a person who lives in Los Angeles.
你们懂我吗？瑞恩高斯林就是一个这样居住在洛杉矶且漂亮的人。
That's not fair. That's not fair at all. I hate that.
这美的不公平呀。一点儿也不公平。我不喜欢那个。
When Ryan Gosling and I were babies, we looked the same, by the way. We looked the same.
对了，当瑞恩高斯林和我一样都是婴儿的时候，我们看起来没什么两样。
I messed up bad. I messed up. Yeah.
我长残了。我长残了呀。哎。
And look, I'm fine with how I look.
你看，我对我的长相还挺满意的吧，
I'm fine with how I look but the fact is I look more like a giant panda than I look like Ryan Gosling.
但与其说我看起来像瑞恩高斯林，你还不如说我看起来像一个大熊猫。
I do. I'm happy with how I look.
我对我的长相挺满意的。
But if you saw me, Ryan Gosling and an actual giant panda all hanging out together,
但如果你看到了我，瑞恩高斯林和一个实际的大熊猫挂在了一起，
you would be like, oh, my god, Ryan Gosling bought two giant pandas.
你会想，哦，天啊，瑞恩高斯林买了两只大熊猫。
He's doing well. He's doing well.
他做得很好。是的吧。
He shouldn't let that one eat Subway. That's not what they eat.
他不该让那个人吃赛百味。这不是他们该吃的东西。
I'm trying to something about that. I'm trying to lose a little bit of weight.
我想做些事，我想减减肥。
I want to get down to Hollywood fat, you know what I mean?
我想变成好莱坞式的肥胖，你们懂我吗？
Right now I'm like Iowa fat.
现在我像爱荷华式的肥胖吧。
I want to get Hollywood fat so I can play the fat best friend in a romantic comedy, right?
我想变成好莱坞式的肥胖，这样我就可以以一个胖朋友的身份出演一个浪漫的喜剧，对不对？
I don't want to be the lead, I don't even be the lead but I want to be like the fat best friend.
我不想当主演，我也当不了，但我想成为那个胖朋友。
I want to act in the wedding at the end of the movie wearing a blue tuxedo, like dancing with the chimpanzee
我只是想在电影的尾声穿着一件蓝色色的燕尾服，和一只大猩猩跳舞。
You did it Brandon. You won her back in a twirl!
你做到了，布兰登。你带着她旋转。
I'm trying to get down there. It's hard. When you live in L.A. what you're supposed to do is go hiking
我试着做到。但是很难。当你住在L.A.时，如果你想减肥，你应该去远足，
if you want to lose weight because it's terrible news for me because I hate the outdoors. I hate them.
但这对我来说是个可怕的消息，因为我讨厌户外活动。我很讨厌
I hate the outdoors. I'm not good at the outdoors and I hate the outdoors. I hate it.
我讨厌户外活动。因为我不擅长户外活动，所以我讨厌户外活动。真得讨厌
Like if you told me I had 24 hours to build a campfire and if I didn't you were going to murder me.
就像你告诉我，我需要24小时搭起个篝火，如果我没做到，你就会杀了我。
I would just try to have a really fun last 24 hours.
我会有一个美好的一天。
That's it. It'd be like 24 hours. All right. We're gonna a party bus. There's pizza on the party bus.
不错，24小时。我们在派对车上，车上有比萨。
We're going to take it to the water park. You can murder me at the water park.
我们要把它带到水上公园。你可以在水上公园杀了我。
I just really hate the outdoors. When I was in my early 20's, I would wake up after a long night of drinking in a panic with a bunch of questions.
我真的很讨厌户外拓展。我20岁以前的时候，有一次度过了一个漫长的夜晚，那晚我喝的不省人事，醒来的时候脑子里一连串问题
Remember that you wake up like oh, my god, what happened last night?
记得你醒来的时候，哦，天哪，昨晚发生了什么？
Whose blood is this? Why am I wearing fingernail polish? What am I gonna do?
这是谁的血？我怎么涂了指甲油？
Now I'm 30 years old. Now I wake up after a long night of drinking, I wake up like oh my god, I hope I didn't agree to go camping last night.
现在，我30岁了。酒醒后，哦，天哪，希望我昨晚没来露营过。
I can't hike. But I'm trying to do something about it, I'm trying to lose a little bit of weight.
我不能露营。但我想做点什么，我想减肥。
So I've got a personal trainer and I've got a nutritionist. That's what I did.
我有一个私人教练和一个营养师。
It's been great. The nutritionist I learned so much from. Like get rid of the bad.
效果不错，我从那位营养师那里学到了很多。改掉了一些坏习惯
The first thing I learned...The first thing I learned from the nutritionist is that a taco salad is not a salad at all.
我学到的第一件事就是，墨西哥是沙拉根本就不是沙拉。
Not even a little bit. It's just a gigantic taco. That's all it is.
一点也称不上。这只是一个巨大的玉米面。就这样。
And then the next thing I learned is that an ice cream salad.
然后接下来我学到的是冰淇淋沙拉。
It is not real. I made it up. I made it up.
它不真实。我错了。我错了。
I'm the only one who thinks that's a thing.
我是唯一一个认为那是一个东西的人。
The personal training's been interesting. I've been to the gym before. I grew up playing football.
健身锻炼很有意思。我以前去过健身房。我从小就踢足球。
But it never worked with the personal trainer. I just all saw them off in the distance being too buff for their own good.
私人教练 我只是在远处看到，他们疯狂的追求自己想要的东西。
You know what I mean personal trainer, they have too many muscles and seems like it's kind of ruining her life a little bit, right.
你知道我说的是私人教练，他们肌肉太多了，这好像毁了她的生活。
They all walk like they're covered in sleeping bees. They are trying not to wake up. It's like—
她们好像在一群睡着的蜜蜂中龃龉前行。就像这样...
Personal trainers, they're always very enthusiastic about everything about everything. You get in there like at six in the morning, it's all like—
个人教练，她们总是非常热衷于一切。你早上6点钟到那儿，
Ian Karmel, how are you doing, brother? Good to see you, dude. Good to see you.
伊恩卡玛，你好吗？很高兴见到你，兄弟。很高兴见到你
Let's go over your fitness goal, shall we? Shall we...You want to get jacked or ripped, dude? You want to get jacked or ripped?
让我们看看你的健身目标。你想要加大运动强度以得到肌肉线条？
You want to get cut or swole. Jack, rip, cut or swole. You want to get yolked.
还是说，你想减小运动强度？你想加大运动强度还是减小？
You have to tell me if you want to get yolked, dude. You have to tell me.
如果你想加大强度，就说说呗。
I just like...I just want to dance with a chimpanzee at the end of the movie. Thank you for your time!
我只是想在电影的尾声和一只大猩猩跳舞。感谢你的参与。
