Divorced family is a good cradle for great actor

离异家庭是好演员的摇篮
Children of divorcing parents tend to be good actors. They put on different masks to fit into their parents' different worlds.
在离异家庭长大的孩子会成为一名好演员，因为他们带着不同的面具生活在离婚后父母各自不同的世界里。
All of us put on and take off masks depending on whom we're with. I once studied personality by studying letters that famous authors had sent to various people in their lives. I looked at the letters that Viiinia Woolf, Emily Dickinson, and Charlotte Bronte had written to three different life-long friends, over the course of their lives. Each woman had taken on a different but consistent voice for each friend. In other words, Woolf was a different Woolf goofier，or bolder, or more submissive when writing to her sister, her close male friend, or her female lover.
我们是否带上或摘下面具取决于我们跟谁在一起我曾经通过研究著名作家在生活中写给不同人的信件来研究他们的个性。我看过弗吉尼亚伍尔夫、艾米莉狄金森、夏洛特勃朗特在不同生活阶段中写给故交的信件。在信中她们对每个朋友都用了不同但一致的语气。换句话说，伍尔夫好像变了一个人,在写信给姐妹或亲密的异性朋友或她的女性恋人的时候,有时傻里傻气、有时大胆放肆、有时又俯首帖耳。
But we don’t need computer analysis to know that when we’re with different people, we play out different roles, or different parts of our personality come into relief while others parts retreat. Young children of divorce might just have it worse than most: being one side of themselves with mom, and another side with dad.
然而当我们和不同的人在一起的时候我们不霈要由计算机的分析来告诉我们这些，我们扮演着不同的角色或者当其他部分退却的时候,我们个性中的不同部分开始凸显出来。离异家庭里年幼孩子们也许在这方面做得尤为突出：因为他们既要做母亲的好孩子又要做父亲的好孩子。
For example, I know a nine-year-old boy caught between two of his selves. His father essentially left his mother and is now in a new romantic relationship. The boy’s mother, a bit nostalgic, would like to fix the old marriage. When the child spends weekdays with his mother, he does his best to align himself with her world. He allows the sad side of himself to rise to the surface, regretting what’s ending, saying he wished his parents were still a couple. But when he is with his father, every other weekend, he aligns with his father’s wave-length, so to speak, being more active, engaging with his father’s new girlfriend with an exaggerated buoyancy. The boy knows what each parents' respective worldview is, and he tries to fit into that worldview to have fun with that parent. He's performing roles，fuelled by cognitive dissonance: It's easier to believe in the atmosphere around us than to constantly fight it.
比如我认识的一个9岁男孩就生活在两个自我的中间。他的爸爸彻底地离开了他的妈妈，现在正同别人展开一段新的浪漫关系。 男孩的妈妈没有忘记旧情,还想重修旧好。当孩子周末与妈妈在一起的时候，他努力使自己和妈妈的世界保持一致。他表露出悲伤的一面为这样的结局叹息，说着多么希望父母重归于好的话。但是在另一个周末,当他和爸爸在一起的时候，他又与爸爸激动的情绪保持一致。番如,在与父亲的新女友相处时他会带着略显夸张的轻松心情,表现得更为活跃。这个男孩知道父母各自不同的想法，于是他试着与他们保持一致来迎合他们。他在扮演不同的角色，差异性的认知助长了这个行为:他更容易融人周围的气氛而不是去抵制它。
One massively confusing part of all this for a child is that he doesn’t often know he’s adapting to two different worlds. He just feels moody, and might blame himself far that moodiness: He thinks he's sometimes really depressed and sometimes too buoyant, and doesn’t know why other people don't experience such drastic shifts. He's on a merry-go-round that’s inexplicable. In essence, he's resistant to recognizing that he's playing roles to please two parents who are so different from each other.
给这些儿童造成重大混乱的是他们不会意识到他们处在两个不同的世界里。他只是闷闷不乐,而且可能会因为太过喜怒无常而责怪自己:他觉得自己一会儿很消沉一会儿又很髙兴,也不知道为什么其他人没有这种情绪上的巨大反差?他无法解释自己的情绪为什么总像坐旋转木马。实际上，他不会承认自己在扮演角色以取悦父母,因为那和其他人太不一样了。
In her 2006 book Between Two Worlds, The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce，Elizabeth Marquardt wrote that children of divorce experience a split existence: They report that they feel like different people with each of their pamits, that their parents are polar opposites (even when they，re not), that they need to keep more secrets from their parents than other kids do, and that they don’t want to resemble one of their parents too much, because it might alienate them from the other parent. Mar-quardt also claims that children of divorce experience especially early pressure to create their own moral systems, because they can not wholehearted endorse Ae rules of two different households.
2006年,伊丽莎白马卡达出了本书,名为《在两个世界间，离异家庭儿童的内在生活》。在书中，她描写了离异家庭孩子的分裂世界:他们说跟父母在一起时觉得自已是不同的人,因为他们的父母是两极对立的(即便他们并不对立),所以他们也需要在父母前保守比其他孩子更多的秘密，他们不想和父母中的一方太相像,因为那可能使他们的父母疏远自己。马卡达在书中还声称父母离异迫使JL更早地去建立自己的道德体系,因为他们不能一心一意地支持两个不同家庭的原则。
Marquardt is famous for saying there is no such thing as a “good divorce，' But there is a chance that some of the difficulties of divorce can strengthen personality traits in a child. Unfortunately, these children are forced into an form of adolescent “splitting”—keeping two sides of their personality in two different realms. But they are also forced to stitch together their own code of behavica; If they are able to move from a world of “splitting” (dancing between two radically different selves) toward a world in which these various masks are integrated, perhaps they find themselves with a more varied toolbox for approaching life than many of us have.
马卡达说过一句著名的话:世上不存在一件“好的离婚”这样的事。但是经历离婚的遭遇能够 增强孩子的人格特质。不幸的是,这些儿童被迫成为“分裂”的青少年——在两个不同的环境保持不同的个性。他们也同时被迫将自己的不同标准和行为编织在一起。如果他们有能力走出“分裂”的世界(周旋于两个截然不同的世界之间），而朝向需要各种不同面具集成的世界(影视世界）,他们可能会发现,在自己用了这些各色的化妆工具后他们比我们更能接近生活。