Epilogue

One of the greatest benefactors of all lifekind was a man who couldn’t keep his mind on the job in hand.

Brilliant?

Certainly.

One of the foremost genetic engineers of his or any other generation, including a number he had designed himself?

Without a doubt. The problem was that he was far too interested in things which he shouldn’t be interested in, at least, as people would tell him, not now.

He was also, partly because of this, of a rather irritable disposition.

So when his world was threatened by terrible invaders from a distant star, who were still a fair way off but travelling fast, he, Blart Versenwald III (his name was Blart Versenwald III, which is not strictly relevant, but quite interesting because never mind, that was his name and we can talk about why it’s interesting later), was sent into guarded seclusion by the masters of his race with instructions to design a breed of fanatical superwarriors to resist and vanquish the feared invaders, do it quickly and, they told him, “Concentrate!”

So he sat by a window and looked out at a summer lawn and designed and designed and designed, but inevitably got a little distracted by things, and by the time the invaders were practically in orbit round them, had come up with a remarkable new breed of super-fly that could, unaided, figure out how to fly through the open half of a half-open window, and also an offswitch for children. Celebrations of these remarkable achievements seemed doomed to be shortlived because disaster was imminent as the alien ships were landing. But astoundingly, the fearsome invaders who, like most warlike races were only on the rampage because they couldn’t cope with things at home, were stunned by Versenwald’s extraordinary breakthroughs, joined in the celebrations and were instantly prevailed upon to sign a wide-ranging series of trading agreements and set up a programme of cultural exchanges. And, in an astonishing reversal of normal practice in the conduct of such matters, everybody concerned lived happily ever after.

There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler’s mind.

尾声

一切生命形式最伟大的恩主之一是一个注意力没法集中在手头工作上的人。

伟大吧？

当然了。

在他那一代人以及其他任何一代人，包括他自己设计的那几代人，最重要的遗传工程师之一？

毫无疑问。问题在于他对于他不该感兴趣的东西，或者至少是像人们告诉他的那样，目前不该感兴趣的东西，太感兴趣了。

这也部分造成了他有些易怒的性情。

所以当他的世界受到来自一个遥远星球的恐怖入侵者的威胁的时候，——那些入侵者离这儿还很远，不过他们速度很快——他，布拉特·凡森沃德三世（他的名字叫布拉特·凡森沃德三世，这没有多大关系，不过非常有趣，因为——算了，这就是他的名字，我们晚点会说到为什么有趣），被他们那个种族的领导人隔离在一个有守卫的地方，要求他设计一种狂热的超级战士来抵抗并击败恐怖的入侵者，要快点，他们还对他说：“集中精力！”

所以他坐在窗子边上，看着外面夏日的草坪，设计设计设计，但是不可避免地被一些东西分散了注意力，到入侵者已经在轨道上围着他们转的时候，他搞出来一个非凡的新品种的超级苍蝇，这种苍蝇可以不借助任何帮助弄清楚该怎么飞出一扇半开的窗子，还设计了一种儿童用的开关。这些伟大成就的庆典注定不能长久，因为外星飞船已经在着陆，灾难即将降临。但令人吃惊的是，这些可怕的入侵者像其他好战的种族一样，因为处理不好自己家里的事情才四处乱撞，他们凡森沃德伟大的突破惊呆了，于是也加入了庆典，并且立刻赞同签署了内容广泛的贸易协定，还制定了一项文化交流计划。另外，在事情发生了这样惊人的逆转之后，所有相关的人都从此过上了幸福的生活。

这个故事有一个要点，可是史学家却临时想不起来了。