(单词翻译:单击)
What is masochism?
什么是受虐狂？
Without quite realising it, many of us are masochists.
在完全没有意识的情况下，我们中的许多人都是受虐狂。
The word derives, somewhat unfairly for him and his family, from the Austrian 19th century aristocrat and writer, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.
这个词源自19世纪奥地利贵族兼作家利奥波德·冯·萨切尔-马索克，这么说，可能对他和他的家庭来说有些不公平。
As a young man, Leopold made a conventional marriage to a fellow member of the nobility, Aurora von Rümelin, but he swiftly discovered that his sexual tastes could not be accommodated within the relationship.
年轻时，利奥波德与该贵族的另一位成员奥罗拉·冯·吕梅林开启了一次传统的婚姻，但他很快发现，他的性品味无法在这段关系中得到满足。
When he was contacted by an admiring reader, a Baroness Fanny Pistor, under the ostensible excuse of seeking help with her writing style, he was able to discover a whole new side to his sexual identity.
当一位仰慕他的读者——男爵夫人范妮·皮斯托——以她的写作风格需要帮助为借口联系他时，他得以发现自己性身份的全新一面。
What he wanted most of all was that Fanny would dress in a grand and imperious-looking fur coat, flog him, dominate him and treat him with haughty cruelty.
他最想要的是范妮穿上一件华丽而张扬的毛皮大衣，鞭打他，支配他，傲慢而残暴地对待他。
He wanted Fanny to call him ‘Gregor’, at that time a popular servant’s name - and when they travelled, despite being far wealthier than her, insisted on being forced to sit in third class while she took her place in first.
他想让范妮叫他格雷戈尔，这在当时是一个受欢迎的仆人的名字--当他们旅行时，尽管比她富有得多，当范妮坐在一等舱时，他却坚持要被迫坐三等舱。
Leopold’s proclivities, which he wrote up in a lightly disguised novella called Venus in Furs, caught the interests of the Austrian psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing,
利奥波德在他的中篇小说《皮草中的维纳斯》中描写了他的癖好，这引起了奥地利精神病学家理查德·冯·克拉夫特-埃宾的兴趣，
who (despite Leopold’s family’s protestations) included them in his landmark compendium of kinks, Psychopathology of Sex published in 1890 - which introduced the world to the term ‘masochist’: a person sexually aroused by being on the receiving end of pain.
他(尽管利奥波德的家人提出了抗议)将其纳入了1890年出版的里程碑式的怪癖汇编《性心理病理学》中--这本书向世界介绍了受虐狂这一术语：因接收到痛苦而唤起性的人。
We now understand a sexual masochist as somebody who might want to be called obscenities, have their hair pulled or their skin scratched or ordered to describe themselves in highly derogatory and humiliating terms - albeit, it must be stressed, with explicit consent, for anything else would be merely abusive.
我们现在对受虐狂的理解是，他们可能想被称为淫秽分子，他们的头发被扯，他们的皮肤被抓，被命令用高度贬损和羞辱的词语描述自己--尽管如此，必须强调，在明确同意的情况下，其他任何事情都只是滥用。
The mystery is why this could prove so appealing and at points so necessary - to which psychotherapy has a powerful answer.
令人费解的是，为什么这会被证明是如此有吸引力，在有的时候很必要--心理疗法对此有一个强有力的答案。
For the masochist, cruel treatment in sex play is experienced, first and foremost, as a relief - a relief from the inauthenticity and alienating sentimentality that can otherwise flow from being treated with generous respect.
对受虐狂来说，性游戏中的残酷对待首先是一种解脱——一种从不真实和疏远的情感中摆脱出来的解脱，而这种不真实和疏远的情感会从慷慨的尊重中产生。
Masochists tend not to think too highly of themselves; if others insist on handling them with kid gloves, they cannot feel seen and understood.
受虐狂往往不会把自己看得太高；如果其他人坚持小心翼翼地对待他们，他们就感觉不到被看到和被理解。
It only starts to seem properly real and hence properly exciting when a special partner spots the very deep secret about them: that they are (at least for a time and in a certain way) a stupid idiot who deserves a severe beating.
只有当一个特别的伴侣发现了关于他们的非常深的秘密：他们(至少在一段时间内，在某种程度上)是一个应该受到严厉打击的愚蠢的白痴时，事情才会开始变得非常真实，因此才会真正令人兴奋。
Though the phenomenon of masochism began with, and has remained most fully connected up to sex, it exists no less powerfully in the emotional realm.
虽然受虐狂现象始于性，并一直与性有关，但它在情感领域仍然存在着强大的力量。
There may indeed be many more emotional masochists at large than there are sexual ones.
情绪性受虐狂的人数可能确实比性受虐者多得多。
As with sexual masochism, emotional masochism is rooted in self-suspicion.
与性受虐症一样，情绪性受虐症根源于自我怀疑。
Emotional masochists do not deep down feel as if they are entirely loveable people worthy of careful appreciation and kindness.
情绪性受虐者不会在内心深处觉得他们是完全可爱的人，值得仔细欣赏和温柔对待。
If someone treats them well in love, an emotional masochist would soon enough need to dismiss them as needy and deluded.
如果有人在爱情中善待他们，情绪性受虐狂很快就需要把他们斥为太粘人、欺骗他人。
Why - after all - would anyone feel better about them than they feel about themselves?
为什么--毕竟--会有人对自己的感觉比对他人的感觉好吗？
In order to stop being an emotional masochist, it is vital to start to imagine that one might be one;
为了停止成为情感受虐狂，重要的是要开始想象自己可能就是受虐狂；
to start to see - perhaps for the first time - the ways in which one is engaged in self-sabotage and has made an unconscious commitment to loneliness and frustration.
为了检测是不是--也许第一次--开始看到一个人沉溺于自我毁灭，对孤独和沮丧做出无意识的承诺。
The task is also to see that the origins of all this lie, as ever, in early life, where the masochist is liable to have relied on the affections of a parental figure who exhibited, alongside love, a high degree of cruelty, neglect or violence - leading the child to a conviction that their destiny must lie in suffering rather than fulfilment.
我们的任务也是要观察，所有这一切的起源，一如既往地都发生在早期生活中，受虐狂在早期很容易依赖于父母一方的爱，除了爱之外，父母一方还表现出高度残暴、忽视、暴力--导致孩子相信，他们的命运必须是痛苦，而非成就。
The most relevant difference between sexual and emotional masochism is that the former activity will, in the right circumstances, be a lot of fun, whereas the latter one is never anything other than slow bitter hell.
性受虐和情感受虐之间最重要的区别是，在适当的情况下，前者的活动会非常有趣，而后者永远堕入缓慢而痛苦的地狱。
We owe it to ourselves to start to see the myriad of ways in which we may for far too long have been holding ourselves back from healthy relationships, not out of any kink or necessity, just because our past has unfairly imbued us with a sense that unfeeling treatment is all we deserve.
我们有责任开始看到无数的方式，我们可能已经在不健康的关系中拖了太长时间了，并非出于任何古怪或必要的原因，仅仅是因为我们的过去让我们不公平地感觉到，冷酷的对待是我们应得的。
