Welcome to the Williamsburg diner.
欢迎来到威廉斯堡餐厅。
My name's Max, 'cause the hospital wouldn't let my mother name me "Oops."
我叫麦克斯，因为我出生时医院不准我妈给我取名叫"我勒个去"。
Uh, I've been out of town all summer. Anything new?
整个夏天我都在外地。有啥新料？
Anything new? Let's see. Well, Facebook went public, and Edward Snowden went private.
新料吗？我想想。脸书公开上市，爱德华·斯诺登转入地下潜逃。
Kim and Kanye had a baby, so now there's another Kardashian to not "keep up" with.
卡戴珊与侃耶生了个娃，所以又多了个不需要跟踪的卡戴珊家人。
Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in.
宝拉·迪恩下台，同性婚姻被通过。
And a teacher in California is out for letting her students get it in.
加州一名女老师下台，因为她跟她学生私通过。
Justin Bieber got a hit and run, Chris Brown got a hit and run, Rihanna got hit and still didn't run.
贾斯丁·比伯肇事逃逸，克里斯·布朗也肇事逃逸，蕾哈娜被男友打但还是没逃逸。

Oprah gave Lindsay $2 million, Cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer,
奥普拉给了林赛·罗韩两百万，迈克尔·道格拉斯舔阴得喉癌，
and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere another excuse not to do that.
他给了全天下男性又多一个不为女人口交的理由。
Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier, and the NSA checks our phones like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
埃及疯了，亚曼达·拜恩斯更疯，而国家安全局跟疯子前女友一样狂查我们手机。
Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks,
德州讨厌女人，佛罗里达讨厌黑人，
and everybody hates everything with the exception of Angelina Jolie, who is totally awesome.
基本上大众看啥都十分不爽，只看安吉丽娜·朱莉顺眼，她真的屌爆了。
I meant on the menu. Anything new on the menu?
我是说菜单。菜单上有啥新料理吗？
I have no idea. Let me check. Hey, Caroline, anything new I should know about?
完全不知道。我问问。卡洛琳，有啥我该知道的新料吗？
The royal baby smiled at the queen.
英国王室金孙对女王笑了。
I meant at the diner.
我是说餐厅啦。
Oh. I think we're maybe washing the forks now? Let me check.
我们现在好像会洗叉子了？我问问。