Here you go.
给。
I just found the greatest thing online.
我刚在网上找到最棒的玩意了。
The ultrasound of the Kim and Kanye baby where someone photoshopped a "666" on its little baby butt?
金与坎耶小孩的超声波照吗，就是腹中婴儿小屁股被改图加上恶魔数字"666"的那张吗？
Wait, this kid's half Kardashian. Its big baby butt.
等等，那娃有卡戴珊的基因。是大屁股被改图才对。
Wow, that baby's already famous for doing nothing... Just like its mom.
哇，那孩子毛都不干就已经出名了...跟他娘一模一样啊。
No, what I found is a site where we can apply for a small business grant.
不，我是找到了一个我们可以申请小企业生意拨款的网站。
There's a couple of categories: women-owned business...
里面有几个类别：比如女性专营企业...
No thanks. I've been to jail. I was already owned by a woman.
不必了。我去过监狱。已经"专属"过某个女性了。
There's also a minority-owned category.
也有一类是少数民族拥有啊。
You don't know who your father is, and you do have an exotic look.
你也不知道你的生父是谁，你又有着异国风的外貌。

Any chance he could be native american?
你生父有没有可能是印第安人呢？
Yes, in fact, I think his name was Chief Running Away.
没错，他的名字还叫做逃跑酋长呢。
Wait. Maybe we don't even need your father.
等等。你老爸这张牌都不见得需要用。
We are white, which according to the last presidential election, is the new minority.
我们是白人，根据上次总统大选时的数据，白人现在算少数民族呢。
So now all we need is a letter of recommendation from someone who owns another start-up business.
我们只需要找到一个同样开店的人来帮我们写封推荐信就行了。
I was thinking of a recommendation from Candy Andy's Sweets and Treats.
我想找糖果店老板糖果安迪帮忙写一封呢。
I've already written it, so he just has to sign it.
信我写好了，他签个名就行了。
Will you ask Andy? I can't, he's my ex.
你能代我问吗？我不行，他是我前任。
And I'm saving up my favor for a booty call on a cold night.
而且我想把请他帮忙的额度留给寒冷夜晚找他打炮用。
I hate asking men for things.
我最讨厌请男人帮忙了。
Favors, last names, to stop.
请他们帮忙，问他们姓啥，请他们"停下"。
Excuse me, could I get some more sweet'n low?
抱歉，能再给我几包低脂糖吗？
Why don't you look in your purse? It's where I saw you put them.
你干嘛不从你自己包里拿？我看你偷拿了几包放里面。
I'm so embarrassed.
真是太不好意思了。
Don't be. I wasn't when I stole them last night.
不必。我昨晚偷它们的时候就没不好意思。
What did Andy say?
安迪怎么说？
He's gone. For lunch? Forever. The man is gone.
他不见了。暂离吃饭吗？是永远走人。他真的走了。