Okay, there's a bank in New Hampshire that doesn't check anything.
And before someone else grabs our cupcake space, I say we get on a bus and go up there.
They won't give out their exact address, but I know they're in a mini mall with a white castle.
Better idea. I went to Craigslist, Clicked on "etc"
and found all kinds of opportunities to make some cash.
I'm fighting the instinct to weep, but keep going.
At first I thought I might call pit pig.
He just wants his armpits smelled, but that's, like, 1,000 sniffs. Big commitment.
Or there's the weirdo looking for pretty amputees, but that feels like a bigger commitment.
So, check it. "Egg donors needed. Ten to twenty grand."
No way, I could never sell my eggs.
I mean, wouldn't you hate to think you had a kid out there and not know it?
I probably do. In 2006, I invented the Four Loko and robitussin smoothie.
It's pretty much a blackout year.
Seriously, for the right price I'd sell 'em all.
Really? I mean, I know you've always been tough.
To hear you tell it, you were part of an underground baby fight club.
But don't you wanna be a mom some day?
In the history of the world, give me one example of a really good mother.
You're putting me on the spot. All I can think of is Hilary Duff.
Look, you're complicating this with these things you call emotions.
Like it or not... I'm an egg farm.
Because we don't know one single person outside of New Hampshire who can lend us that kind of money.
Yoo-hoo, girls, look out the window. Up here! It's me!
Oleg and I would like two cupcakes please.