So she called you, right?
她打给你了对吧？
I saw her talking on the phone using lots of hand gestures.
我看到她打电话，还配了一堆手势。
I figured it was about how bad the date is.
肯定是在说这约会糟透了吧。
Okay, I'm going to try and put this as politely as I can, but what the hell is wrong with you? Make a move.
我尽量用文明点的词汇跟你说，但你他娘的是猪啊？对她下手啊。
Max, I really like her, but...
麦克斯，我真的很喜欢她，但...
What is the but?
但是怎样？
But she's Caroline Channing.
她可是卡洛琳·钱宁啊。
And you're Andy something. So?
你也是安迪·啥啥不是吗？
Yeah, I'm Andy something who owns a small candy store, and she was practically a princess.
我就只是开间小糖果店的安迪·啥啥，而她算得上是公主了。
Was. Was a princess. Now she has five pairs of underwear and hasn't done laundry in eight days.
那是以前，以前是公主。现在她穷得只剩五套内衣裤，但她八天没洗衣服了。

Max, honestly, I mean, I use those stupid emojis to buy time to figure out what I wanted to say.
我老实说，我用表情符号回复她是拖延时间，想好我想对她说的话。
That's why emojis exist. So guys like me don't have to say, "I'm not good enough. I sell gum."
表情符号作用就是在此。像我这样男人就不用亲口说出，"我配不上你，我是个卖口香糖的"。
She's the same girl you met in your candy store.
她就是你在店里遇到的那个女孩。
No, she's not. That was just a regular, pretty Williamsburg girl.
不，她不是。当时她只是个普通的漂亮威廉斯堡女孩。
Now, she's refined, rich Caroline Channing.
现在她是文雅多金的卡洛琳·钱宁。
He thinks you're rich and refined. It's a real boner blocker. What?
她觉得你多金又文雅。害他不知如何下"鸟"。什么？
He found out who you were, and he's intimidated.
他知道了你的真实身份，他吓着了。
You have to act cheap and unrefined. It's the only way.
你得表现的廉价又粗俗。没别的招了。
Here we go. I also ordered you guys some nachos.
来吧。我还帮你们点了脆饼吃。
No jalapenos. I know that's the devil's garnish.
没放墨西哥辣椒。我知道那是魔鬼的调味料。
Great, nachos. They're so low-rent like me.
太好了，玉米脆饼。跟我一样廉价易得。
But first, I'm going to chug some draft beer like I always do.
但我现在要先跟平常一样大口灌点生啤。
And now I'm gonna freak-dance. Slut, party of one.
现在我要去骚女"乱舞"了。骚货即将光临舞池。
Come on, Jacob. I'm going to tear that ass up. Y-y-you are?
来吧，雅各布，姐要好好宠幸你。真的吗？
See? That's not special at all.
你看，她一点也不特别。
Oh, my God! Call the paramedics. I danced an Amish boy to death.
天啊！快叫医护人员啊。我让阿米什男孩爽死了。