You're wrong. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. No, I'm not.
你错了。我没错。你就错了。我才没有。
Settle this. Those little animated pictures on the Internet, are they called "Gifs" or "Jifs"?
你来当裁判。网上会动的那些图片是念"动图"还是"动土"？
Well, the G stands for "Graphics." That's a hard G, so I'd say "Gif."
图代表的是"图片"嘛。很明显啊，所以我认为是"动图"。
W...The guy who invented it says it's "Jif."
但发明的那男的说是念"动土"啊。
I'm sorry, do you mean the guy or the juy?
抱歉，你是说那"男"的还是那"兰"的？
Well, I'll give you three guesses why I'm so irritated.
我给你们三次机会猜我为什么很不爽。
Something happened different from the way you wanted it.
是不是什么事不如你愿呀。
I guess news travels fast. It's true, a select group of scientists was invited to a weekend symposium at a former home of Richard Feynman, and I wasn't included.
看来坏事真是传千里啊。你猜对了，一群科学家被选去参加一个周末学术报告会。举办地点在理查德·费曼的旧居，而我居然没入选。
Oh, Sheldon, I'm sure it's not because they don't think you're an elite scientist.
谢尔顿，我相信他们绝对不是因为你并非精英科学家而没选你。
Yeah, I bet you anything it's just 'cause you're a pain in the ass.
是啊，我敢赌全部身家，绝对只是因为你是烦人精。
You're just saying that to make me feel better.
你们说这些话只是为了哄我而已。
Look, you can spend the rest of the day being bitter about this. Agreed.
你可以今天一整天都叽歪这事。会的。
I was gonna say "or," but why bother?
我本来要接"但也可以"，但何苦浪费唇舌？
Hey, Raj. Hey, I got you a little gift.
嗨，拉杰。嘿，我有小礼物送你们。
Oh, that's a lot of Girl Scout Cookies.
这些女童军义卖饼干也太多了吧。
You know me. I'm from India. I can't resist children begging. So, how's it going with the title to the house?
你懂我，我从印度来的。我抵抗不了儿童乞讨的眼神。房子继承权这事进展顺利吗？
Great, it's all done. The lawyer tracked down my father and got him to sign it over.
顺利，都解决了。律师找到了我父亲，让他签字同意转让给我。
I didn't have to meet him, I didn't have to talk to him, I don't even know where he is.
我不需要跟他见面，也不需要跟他说话，我都不知道他在哪。
Wow, so you're not curious at all? Nope.
所以你完全不好奇吗？不。
What if he's in prison? What if he's a spy? What if he's in a Beatles cover band?
说不定他是名囚犯，又或者是名间谍？万一他是披头士翻唱乐队的成员呢？
I'm just saying, if he's got your nose and haircut, he'd make a killer Ringo.
我就说说，要是他也有你这鼻子跟发型，扮林戈一定像到爆。
Thanks again for agreeing to do this.
再次谢谢你愿意来上节目。
Oh, it's cool; I've never been on a podcast before.
这很酷，我从来都没上过播客。
Well, you picked a good one to start. Wil's had lots of great guests. Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, Michael Dorn, Gates McFadden...
那你的第一次选对了。威尔有过很多很棒的来宾：乔纳森·弗雷克斯、 布兰特·史宾纳、迈克·多恩 、盖茨·麦克法登...
Those are Star Trek people. Yes!
他们是《星际迷航》的人对吧。没错！
I only figured that out because I've never heard of any of them.
我能猜出来单纯是因为完全没听说过他们。
I deserve that. I invited you on my show and I drove here. Sorry.
是我自己找虐。我邀请你上我节目，我还得大老远开车过来。抱歉。
Okay, so, this is basically gonna be just like a little talk show.
这个基本上就像是小型访谈节目。
Uh, we're gonna take some calls, we'll talk about what it was like on the set of Serial Ape-ist 2. It should be really fun.
我们会接几通听众来电，我们会聊聊在拍摄《杀人恶猿2》时的情况。应该会挺有趣的。
This is exciting. Yeah. So, how many people listen?
好兴奋啊。是啊。所以大概有多少听众呢？
Most people download it later, but usually a few thousand people listen live.
大多数人都是之后下载节目听，但通常实时听众大概也有个几千人吧。
What? ! A few thousand people listen to you talk about nerd stuff?
什么？！有几千人愿意听你说这些宅爆的东西吗？
Again, right in the ears, straight to the feelings.
又一次，话入我耳，直插我心。
Can you please pass the salt?
能把盐递给我吗？
Sure. It's not like I was invited to Richard Feynman's house and have anything better to do.
行。反正我也没被邀请去理查德·费曼家，也没有更重要的事情可做。
Is this how the rest of the night's going to be?
你今晚一整晚都会像这样子吗？
I don't know the future. Do you think there's a chance that an asteroid could hit the Earth, destroying Feynman's house and everyone in it?
我又不能预知未来。你觉得有可能会有一颗陨石撞到地球上、刚好撞烂费曼家、 还撞死里面所有人吗？
No, Sheldon. Then buckle up; you're in for a cranky night.
不可能，谢尔顿。那做好准备，本人要闹脾气一整晚了。
According to the codicil of the Relationship Agreement which you insisted upon, we're not allowed to pout or be moody on date night.
根据你自己坚持加上的恋爱合约附录，我们不允许在约会之夜撅嘴闹脾气。
You know I just put that in because of uterus stuff. Well, it applies to you, too.
你明知道我加上那条是防你大姨妈到访。规矩对你也同样适用。
I was afraid you might bring this up, so I have a work-around. There you go.
我就怕你会提起这件事，所以我钻了漏洞。满意了吧。
As far as you're concerned, I'm smiling. Although, I must admit, I'm smiling a little bit at the moment because this loophole is so brilliant.
就你看来，我是在笑。虽然我不得不承认，我现在的确是在小小窃笑，因为此举实在太机智了。
So, Bernadette, have you thought about how you're going to redecorate this place?
伯纳黛特，你想好了怎么重新装修这地方吗？
You know, I'm thinking ripping up the carpets, maybe lose the wallpaper, all new light fixtures...
我在考虑拆了这地毯，墙纸也全部撕了，弄新的灯架...
You know, if you knocked out this wall, it would give you an open floor plan, and then...it's a little scary, but could be fun-- indoor fire pit.
其实，如果你拆掉这面墙，你整个格局就会变成开放式的。然后...或许有点吓人，但也可能好玩——在这弄个室内壁炉。
Hey, I grew up in this house, okay? No one's knocking anything down.
我在这房子里长大，好吗？谁都不许拆任何东西。
Okay, okay. When he's at ComicCon, I'm bringing in a wrecking ball.
行，行。等他去了漫展，我立马找个大铁球来拆。
Can I help you? Hi. Are you Howard Wolowitz? Yes.
有事吗？您好，请问是霍华德·沃罗威茨吗？是的。
Um, this is a little weird, but a lawyer was trying to contact my father, because his name was still on the title for this house.
这有点怪，但有一个律师之前联系了我父亲，因为当时这间屋子还在他名下。
W...uh, who's your father? Sam Wolowitz. S Sam Wolowitz is my father. I know.
你父亲是哪位？山姆·沃罗威茨。山姆·沃罗威茨是我的父亲。我知道。
Well, wait, so if we have the same father...I mean, are you saying you're my half-brother? I think so.
慢着，如果我们的父亲是同一个人...那你的意思是，你是我同父异母的兄弟吗？我想是的。
Bernadette, weird things are happening out here.
伯纳黛特快来，这里有怪事发生。
I think I started to suspect it was a bad movie when I looked at the script and saw the title, Serial Ape-ist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill.
我怀疑这是一部烂片，是从我低头看剧本瞅见片名的那一刻开始：《杀人恶猿2之猴见猴杀》。
Uh, spoiler alert: after the monkey sees, it kills. I've just been handed a note.
剧透警告：猴子一看见啥就杀啥。有人给我递了张小纸条，。
I'm going to read it. "Wil, do you want more Diet Coke? Also, we have juice."
我把内容念一下。"威尔，你还想来点健怡可乐吗？对了。我们也有果汁哦。"
I I didn't want to interrupt.
我不想打断你们，所以递纸条。
Uh, that voice you just heard belongs to Leonard, Penny's fiance.
刚才说话的人是莱纳德，佩妮的未婚夫。
Uh, Leonard, why don't you grab some headphones and join us?
莱纳德，你何不戴上耳机加入我们？
Really? Yeah. Yeah, great.
可以吗？当然。太棒了。
So, while Leonard gets set up, let's take a call.
趁莱纳德准备的时间，我们接一通电话。
Hello, caller, you are on with Penny and Wil from Serial Ape-ist 2.
你好，这位听众，你已经连线来自《杀人恶猿2》的佩妮和威尔了。
I don't have a question. I just want to say I'm a big fan of the movie. I've seen it, like, ten times.
我没有问题要问，我只想说我非常喜欢这部电影。我看了大概有十次吧。
Okay, well, I'll apologize for the first time, but the other nine are on you.
好吧，看一次，其错在我；但其他九次，其错在你。
Thanks a lot, caller. You know that the movie actually has a little bit of a cult following. Really?
非常感谢您的来电。你知道这部电影其实有一些狂热崇拜者吗。真的吗？
Yeah. I was at a science-fiction convention, and I saw a woman dressed as your half-ape character.
真的。我在一次科幻大会上，看见一个女人打扮成你片中半猿人的样子。
Oh, if she was with an Indian guy dressed like a banana, that was just my friends, Howard and Raj.
如果她身旁有个印度人打扮成一根香蕉，那你看见的是我的朋友：霍华德和拉杰。
All right, it's time for a very special guest caller, a friend of mine,
好了，是时候请出一位特别的嘉宾听众，我的一位友人。
who you probably know as the director of such movies as Clerks,
你们可能因为他是《疯狂店员》系列电影的导演而认识他，
or from podcasts and books where he often reminds you that he's the guy who directed Clerks. Hello, Kevin Smith.
或在广播听过和在书上看过。他不断地提醒你，他就是《疯狂店员》系列电影的导演。你好，凯文·史密斯。
Hey, man, yo, is everything okay, Wil? 'Cause it's been, like, two minutes and you haven't even brought up Stand By Me.
伙计，一切还好吗，威尔？因为这都过了两分钟了，你居然没提《伴我同行》这部电影。
Hey, Kevin! It's really exciting to talk to you. It really is.
嗨，凯文！能跟你通话让我十分激动。真的。
Oh, you guys are very sweet. So, Penny, listen, I saw your movie. Oh, wow. I wish it was better.
你们俩太贴心了。佩妮，听着，我看了你的电影。哦是吗。可惜是部烂片。
Oh, don't worry about it. Have you seen some of Kevin's films?
别担心这点。你看过凯文的其他电影吗？
You're cruisin' for a beatin', Wheaton. Anyway, man, I dug the ape movie, Penny. And I thought you were, like, really great in it.
你这是在讨打，惠顿。总之，我很爱那部人猿电影，佩妮。我认为你在里面演得很棒。
You know, I'm in the movie, too.
我也有参演哦。
Yeah, whatever. Penny! Penny, how come you're not in more stuff, man? I'd cast you in a minute. Seriously?
是啊，随便啦。佩妮！佩妮，你怎么不多演点电影呢？我想都不想就会选你出演。你说真的吗？
Oh, yeah, man. I'm actually in pre-production on a movie right now.
当然是真的。其实我手上正好有部电影在前期制作中。
Way different than anything I've ever done before. It's called Clerks 3.
跟我以前的作品相比，简直天壤之别。片名叫《疯狂店员3》。
You should come over and read for a part.
你应该过来试念一段台词。
Oh, my, I would love that. You have a new job.
天啊，我一定会去。你有新工作了。
Well, maybe I can do both. I don't think you can do both.
或许我可以两边兼顾。我不认为你可以两边兼顾。
I don't think I asked you. Yeah, you tell him, Penny.
我不认为我有问你意见。是啊，让他听清楚，佩妮。
Stay out of it, Kevin Smith.
别多管闲事，凯文·史密斯。
Do you think there comes a point in life when it stops feeling bad to be left out of things?
你认为人生中是否会出现一个转折点，让你不再为被人忽略而感觉难过呢？
Probably not. It's an evolutionary advantage to be included in group activities.
估计不会。被纳入团体活动是一种进化优势。
You know what? I used to be a fan of evolution, but I've since evolved, and now I think it's dumb.
你知道吗？我以前是进化论的支持者，但在我进化后，现在想想其实那理论挺蠢的。
Being left out is a terrible feeling. No one understands that better than I do.
被忽略会让人非常难过，没有人比我更了解这种感觉。
Hey, look at that. Even in your example, you're all by yourself.
快听听。即便你在自己的例子里，你也是孤身一人。
When there was a lice epidemic at my school, everybody got it except me.
当年在我的学校虱子肆虐的时候人人头上都有，唯独我没有。
I tried to fool everyone by sprinkling sugar in my hair, but I just got attacked by bees.
我试着往头发上撒糖骗其他人，但下场只是被蜜蜂蛰了一顿。
I can just picture them all right now at Feynman's house, probably discussing Schrodinger and at the same time, not discussing Schrodinger.
我可以想象他们现在在费曼旧居里的画面，可能在讨论薛定谔，同时又不在讨论薛定谔。
See? They're missing out on hilarious jokes like that. And at the same time, not.
瞧？他们错过了像这样有典故又有趣的笑话。同时又没过错。
It reminds me of when my stupid brother and sister would build forts in the living room and wouldn't let me in. I hated that so much.
这让我想起我的白痴哥哥姐姐。他们在客厅搭建堡垒却不让我进去，恨得我牙痒痒。
You know, there's nothing I can do about getting you invited to the symposium, but if you wanted...we could build a fort.
或许，我不能让你获邀去参加学术报告会。但如果你想...我们可以搭建一座堡垒。
Isn't that a little juvenile? More juvenile than this?
那会不会有点太幼稚了？会比这个还幼稚吗？
I'll get the blankets. You Google how to have childlike fun.
我去拿毯子。你上网搜搜如何享受孩子般的乐趣。
You know what, I'm being a bad host. Let me get some more coffee.
我真是个不尽责的主人。我去加点咖啡。
Oh, let me do it, Howard. No, I got it.
我来吧，霍华德。不，我来吧。
So, Josh, what do you do?
乔希，你是干什么的？
I'm studying oceanography down in San Diego.
我在圣地亚哥学习海洋生物学。
Oh, how nice. I loved Finding Nemo.
真不错。我可喜欢看《海底总动员》了。
Enough chitchat. How do we know you are who you say you are?
废话说够了。我们怎么知道你的身份是真是假？
Why would I lie?
我为什么要撒谎呢？
Okay, you got me there. You here looking for money? No.
好吧，你问倒我了。你是想要钱吗？不是。
A kidney, cornea, piece of his liver? No.
你想要肾、 角膜 、还是切一块肝？都不是。
You're in a Beatles cover band and you need Howard to replace your dad as Ringo.
你参加了披头士翻唱乐团，想让霍华德替代你爹扮演林戈的角色吗。
Why don't you help with the coffee?
你还是去帮着煮咖啡吧。
Okay, but something smells fishy.
好吧，可我闻到了阴谋[鱼]的味道。
And not just because you work around sea animals.
不光是因为你和海洋生物一起工作哦。
That actually sounds interesting, and I'd like to learn more about it. Hey, you okay?
那听起来挺有趣的，我很乐意多听你说说。你还好吗？
Not really. This guy shows up out of the blue, and now I have a brother? My father has another family?
不怎么好。这家伙突然从天而降，于是我就有一个弟弟了？我爸爸居然重组了一个家庭？
I get it. What do you want to do?
我能理解。你现在想怎么做呢？
I don't know. I...I'd just like him to go away. I can't deal with this.
我不知道。我...我只想让他离开，我现在没法处理这件事。
All right, I've got your back.
好吧，包在我身上。
Thank you. Come on. And I'd like to point out this wall just provided a lot of privacy!
谢谢你，走吧。告诉你，这堵墙刚才可是保护了不少隐私呢！
I can't believe my brother's an astronaut. That's amazing. What was it like?
真不敢相信我哥哥居然是个宇航员。太厉害了。感觉棒不棒？
Listen, dude, it's time for you to hit the road...Hey, hey, the young man asked a good question.
听我说，老弟，你还是走吧...喂喂，这位小兄弟刚刚提出了一个很棒的问题。