I just read about an experiment designed to see if you could make two people fall in love in a matter of hours.
我刚在书上看到一个实验，为测试是否能让两个人在几小时内爱上彼此而设。
That doesn't sound right. My research has shown that it takes three to five years of shameless begging.
听起来不太对啊。我的研究结果显示，这需要3到5年的厚脸皮苦求。
Honey, neither of us comes off good in that story.
亲爱的，这事说出来咱俩都不光彩。
Yeah, II...I saw that article you're talking about. Uh, the participants ask each other a series of questions designed to promote intimacy.
我...我有看到你说的那篇文章。参与者互问对方一系列能增加亲密度的问题。
And then they finish it off by staring into each other's eyes for four minutes.
在最后结束前，还要凝视彼此双眼四分钟。
Oh, that's nonsense. I proclaimed my love for you. And the last time I looked into your eyes was when you thought you had conjunctivitis.
这真是胡说八道。我敢说我爱你。可上一次我看着你的双眼是因为你觉得自己得了结膜炎。
Other than the fact that I had it, that was a magical night.
虽然我的确是得了结膜炎，但那也真是个浪漫之夜啊。
Raj, would you ever try an experiment like that with Emily?
拉杰，你会跟艾米丽做这样的实验吗？
What? I don't need science to win her heart. I have my family's wealth for that.
我才不需要靠科学来赢得她芳心。有我家的钱就够了。
I'm telling you, you can't create love in a few hours. Right?
相信我，几个小时是无法造就爱的吧。对吧？
Oh, careful. You're poking at the whole foundation of The Bachelor.
话别说太满。你这是在质疑整个《非诚勿扰》节目核心。
Yeah, but we don't have to debate this. We're scientists. We can conduct our own research. Yeah, I propose that we imprison two street people. And...No.
我们不需要在这上面辩论啊。我们是科学家，我们能自己做实验。我提议我们囚禁两个流浪汉，然后...不行。
You didn't even let me finish. Forget it!
你都还没让我说完呢。别闹了！
So, you can experiment on all the apes you want. But I want to manipulate the emotions of two captive human beings, suddenly I'm the monster.
所以你爱怎么实验猩猩就怎么实验。但如果是我想操控两个被囚禁人类的情绪，我就瞬间成了大魔王是吗。
Why don't you just do the test?
为什么你不自己做这测试呢？
In the interest of science, I'd be willing to.
为了科学，我很乐意。
What? You're okay with an experiment where you have to answer awkward questions about your innermost feelings?
什么？你会愿意接受一场你得回答最深层内心想法的尴尬问题的实验吗？
Yes. Please, can I do it with him? Please? !
是啊。拜托拜托，让我跟他做这实验行吗？
I've been listening to Sheldon's feelings on things for ten years. Tag, you're it.
我听了谢尔顿对人事物的感受足足十年了。换人，你上场吧。
Yeah, but what if the experiment works?
万一实验成功了怎么办？
I'm not gonna fall in love with Sheldon.
我不会爱上谢尔顿。
That's what I said. Before I knew it, he pontificated his way right into my heart.
我当年也这么说。结果他以迅雷不及掩耳之势霸道地侵占了我的心。
Uh, fun fact: "pontificate" comes from the Latin word "pontifex," which means "bridge builder" or "pope." In love yet?
趣味知识："霸道"是来自拉丁文里的"教皇"，有着"造桥人"或"教皇"的意思。爱上了吗？
Just out of curiosity, Penny, if this experiment does make us fall in love, would you drive me to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin for Gary Con?
佩妮，我就好奇，如果这个实验真让我们坠入了爱河？你会愿意载我去威斯康星州的日内瓦湖城参加加里大会吗？
It's the only convention celebrating the life and work of Gary Gygax, the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.
这是唯一一个庆祝加里·吉盖克斯的一生与成就的大会。他是《龙与地下城》[桌游]的创始者之一。
You know what? I can honestly say if we fall in love, not only will I drive you there, I will buy you all the dragon T-shirts you want.
其实呢，我诚心告诉你。如果我们爱上对方，我不止会载你去那里，我还会买所有你想要的龙T恤给你。
Okay, babe, let's do this.
来吧，宝贝儿，咱们来吧。
You guys are really being calm about Penny and Sheldon doing this thing. If it were me, II'd be a little nervous. Why?
你们真的能这么冷静面对佩妮与谢尔顿做这个实验的事吗？如果我是你们，我就会有点紧张。为什么？
Well, even if the study's nonsense, II don't believe in tempting fate. Same reason I wouldn't use a Ouija board, or pick a fight with an Asian guy.
就算那研究只是胡扯，我这个人还是不敢拼人品。所以我也不愿意用碟仙板，或者招惹亚洲人。
Well, he probably doesn't know karate, but...why risk it?
虽然他应该不会空手道，但是...干嘛冒险呢？
I think we're safe.
我想我们没啥好担心的。
Well, that's what the bullies at Bruce Lee's high school thought. And then, bam! Karate.
李小龙高中里的小混混也是这么想啊。结果咧，哇哒！空手道。
Well, are we just gonna sit here while they do the experiment?
我们就干坐在这里等他们做完实验吗？
The two of us could do it. Yeah, sure, that might be fun.
我跟你也可以做啊。行啊，应该挺好玩的。
What's the first question?
第一个问题是什么？
Hang on. Okay. "Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?"
稍等。好的。"如果可以跟世上任何人共进晚餐，你会选择谁呢？"
I can honestly say Penny.
我真心会选佩妮。
Then I choose a janitor. 'Cause I'm about to throw up.
那我会选清洁工，因为我要吐了。
I'm in love. Let's do something else.
我恋爱了。来做点别的吧。
Ooh, uh, Emily gets off work soon. Why don't the four of us go out? Okay. Sounds good.
艾米丽快下班了。我们四个人可以一起出去玩啊？行啊。听起来不错。
Should we call Howard and Bernadette?
我们要打电话问问霍华德跟伯纳黛特吗？
I don't know what time their plane gets in, but let me, let me shoot them a text.
我不知道他们什么时候下机，不过我发条短信问问看吧。
Did he say anything about the funeral?
他有说葬礼怎么样吗？
Not much, but he seemed to be in a pretty good place.
没怎么说，不过感觉他挺好的。
Are you kidding me? ! You lost my mother's ashes? !
开什么玩笑？！你们居然把我妈的骨灰弄丢了？！
No, II'm just saying that sometimes bags are misrouted.
不是，我只是说有时候行李会被转错地方。
All right, fine. Where did you misroute the only woman who ever loved me? The first...well, first, I meant first.
好吧，行。那这世上唯一爱过我的女人被转错去哪了？第一个... 我是说第一个爱我。
I just need some information. Uh, what's the flight number? 816.
我需要一些信息。航班号是多少？816。
I really did mean first. Just drop it. And can you describe the bag?
我真的是指第一个。别说了。你能描述一下那个行李吗？
Um, well, it's, uh, black. There's a red ribbon tied to the handle...The world's greatest mom is in the shoe compartment!
是黑色的。把手上系有红色缎带。世界上最伟大的妈妈就在放鞋的隔层里！
You ready to begin? Yup. Be right there. I assume you don't want wine.
准备好开始了吗？好了，马上过来。我猜不用给你倒酒了吧。
Correct. You're not supposed to drink alcohol when operating heavy machinery.
正确。在操作重型机械时千万不能喝酒。
What heavy machinery? Let's just start.
什么重型机械？开始吧。
Well, as a Texas gentleman, I'm inclined to say ladies first. Although, I'm concerned that level of politeness and charm might make you fall in love with me before the test even begins.
作为一名德州的绅士，我会倾向于女士优先。虽然我担心我这么有礼貌这么有魅力，可能会导致你在测试没开始之前就爱上我。
Perhaps we should flip a coin. Or if you're familiar with the rules of Rock, Paper, Scissors...Question one.
要不我们扔硬币决定吧。或者如果你会玩剪刀石头布也行 ...问题一。
"Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?" Living or dead?
"如果可以跟世上任何人共进晚餐，你会选择谁呢？"活的还是死的？
Just says "Anyone in the world." I guess that means living.
上面只说"世上任何人"，我猜应该是活的吧。
Ah, that's just as well. As much as I'd love to meet Euclid-- inventor of the geometric proof-- he probably wore sandals and I cannot look at toes during dinner.
那也无妨。尽管我非常想见欧几里得"古希腊数学家"——几何证明的发明者——可他很可能穿着拖鞋"当年穿着"，我吃饭时可不想看到脚趾。
Oh, I know! The person I'd most like to have dinner with is myself.
我想到了！我最想共进晚餐的人就是我自己。
You sure that's your choice? 'Cause I've had that dinner.
你确定这个选择吗？因为我可是跟"他"吃过饭哦。
Well, I haven't. And while they say never meet your heroes, I just don't see how I could disappoint. Who would you choose?
我还没有。人们常说不要跟自己的英雄见面，但我不觉得我会让人失望。你会选择谁？
Robert Downey, Jr.
小罗伯特·唐尼"演员"。
You...I didn't think of Iron Man. You know, maybe after myself and I have dinner, we can meet you two for dessert.
你...我没想到钢铁侠。或许我和自己共进晚餐后，可以找你们一起吃个甜点。
So, what do you guys want to do? Well, we're the ones tagging along, you pick.
你们俩想做点什么？我们俩是跟屁虫，你们定吧。
Have you ever been to an escape room? Mm-mm, what's that?
你们玩过密室逃脱游戏吗？那是什么？
Um...it's kind of like interactive theater, except you have to solve puzzles in a certain amount of time to get out. There's one downtown where they trap you in a room with a zombie.
有点像互动式剧场，不过为了逃出密室你必须在规定时间内解出谜题。市中心有一间，把人和一个僵尸关在一起。
Oh. So, kind of like what's happening with Penny right now.
有点像现在佩妮的处境嘛。
"What would constitute a perfect day for you?"
"你心中最完美的一天是做哪些事呢？"
Uh, well...I'd probably sleep in, do a little yoga, then lie on the beach while cute cabana boys brought me drinks and...probably get a massage and then cap off the night with some dancing.
这个嘛...我很可能睡个懒觉，做做瑜伽。然后去海滩上躺着，有帅气的小伙子给我端喝的...可能会去做按摩，晚上跳跳舞来结束这完美的一天。
That's it? Yeah, why? You didn't mention Leonard. He's there.
就这样吗？是啊，怎么了？你完全没提到莱纳德。他也在啊。
I don't think so. Leonard can't stand yoga, the beach, massages or dancing.
我可不这么认为。莱纳德受不了瑜伽、海滩、 按摩或跳舞。
Yeah, well, he brought a book, okay? What's yours?
他带了书在一边看，行了吗？你的答案是什么？
Uh, I wake up. Uh, I enjoy some French toast with butter and syrup.
我早上醒来，享用了浇上黄油和枫糖的法式吐司。
Uh, then a wormhole opens, and whisks me millions of years into the future where my towering intellect is used to save the last remnants of mankind from a predatory alien race.
然后一个虫洞打开，带我穿越到数百万年后的未来。用我超群的智慧去拯救掠夺成性的外星种族残害下最后一名人类。
Interesting, you didn't mention Amy.
奇怪，你也没提艾米啊。
Who do you think made the French toast with butter and syrup?
你觉得浇上黄油和枫糖的法式吐司是谁做的？
You're about to enter the lab of the late Dr. David Saltzberg. While conducting studies on slowing the aging process, there was a catastrophic accident and he died. Or did he?
你们即将进入已故大卫·萨尔兹伯格博士的实验室。在进行延缓衰老过程的研究时出现了灾难性事故，他不幸身亡。真死了吗？
Ladies? Are you being polite or scared? Yup. Ah, what a room! This is cool.
女士优先？你是出于礼貌还是胆小？是的。这房间厉害啦！真酷。
So, how do we start?
我们该怎么开始？
We have to look for the clues hidden around the room.
我们要找出藏在这房间的线索。
Uh, wasn't there supposed to be a zombie? Okay, let's hope one of the clues is written on a pair of clean underwear.
这里不是应该有个僵尸吗？好吧，希望其中一条线索是写在一条干净的裤衩上。
Mr. And Mrs. Wolowitz? As far as I can tell, your bag arrived in Los Angeles.
沃罗威茨夫妇？据我所知，你们的行李已经到达洛杉矶。
So, where is it? I don't know, perhaps somebody took it off the carousel by mistake?
那它在哪里？我不知道，可能有人不小心从行李转盘上拿走了？
So, some stranger has my mom? Is that what you're telling me? My poor mother can be anywhere in Los Angeles right now?
所以某个陌生人把我妈带走了？你是这个意思吗？我可怜的母亲现在可能在洛杉矶的任何地方？
II wish I was telling you that. Um...but the passenger could've gotten on an international flight.
我希望我是这个意思。但那名乘客也可能已经坐上国际航班飞走了。
Oh, okay, great! So, your entire job is to find lost luggage, and you've narrowed down the location of my mother to the planet Earth!
这下可好！所以你的工作是寻找丢失的行李，而你帮我把我母亲的所在范围缩小到整个地球！
I'm sorry! WWould 500 frequent-flyer miles help? That could get you to Sacramento.
非常抱歉！送你们500英里飞行里程好吗？可以让你们飞到萨克拉门托哦。
"If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?"
"如果你明早一觉醒来发现自己获得了某种能力，你希望是什么能力？"
Well, not to steal from the Bible, but turning water into wine sounds pretty good.
我不想山寨圣经故事，不过能把水变成酒[耶稣] 还是挺酷的。
I don't think you're taking this seriously.
你完全没有严肃对待这个实验。
Come on, I'm just having some fun with you.
我在逗你玩呢。
I believe what you're doing is using humor to avoid vulnerability.
我想你是借插科打诨逃避你内心的弱点。