So I'm in my apartment doing the Soap Opera Digest crossword puzzle and guess who is the clue for three down?
我自己在家里填《肥皂剧文摘》的字谜游戏，你猜谁是纵三的字谜提示？
Three down, "Days of Our Lives star, blank Tribbiani." That's me! I'm blank!
纵三，"《我们的日子》，空格·崔比安尼"是我！我是空格！
How cool is this! We know three down. I'm touching three down.
太酷了，我们认识纵三。我在碰纵三。
Yeah, you are, baby.
没错，宝贝。
Three down knows I'm married. What's three down doing?
纵三知道我结婚了。纵三在做什么？
So did they call you to tell you your name's gonna be in this?
他们有通知你上了杂志吗？
No. They really like me over there. They wanna do a big profile on me, but I said no.
没有，他们杂志很喜欢我。想找我做人物专访，我拒绝了。
Why'd you say no?
为什么？
Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them?
还记得我上次接受采访的结果吗？
I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft? So, who knows what I might say this time.
我说我自己写了不少台词，编剧抓狂了，让我的角色摔下了电梯间。谁知道这次我会说什么。
If only there was something in your head to control the things you say.
要是你脑子里有种东西能控制你说的每句话就好了。
Oh come on, Joey, you'll totally keep it in check this time.
少来了 这次你会表现得很好。
And plus, you know the publicity would be really good for your career. And you deserve that.
而且这种宣传造势对你的事业也很有帮助。这是你应得的。
And if you do the interview, you could mention, oh I don't know, "gal pal Rachel Green."
在专访里，你可以提到"女性朋友瑞秋·格林"
Is that "gal pal" spelled L O S E R?
"女性朋友"的意思是失败者吗？
Okay, don't listen to him. Please?
好吧，别听他的。拜托。
Fine! All right, I'll do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid.
好吧，我接受采访。但你们都得坐在旁边，我要是开始说蠢话，就及时阻止我。
Just then, or all the time? Because we have jobs, you know?
你只指专访时还是一辈子？因为我们还得去上班。
Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember, gal pal, Rachel Green.
我们会一直在场的，但你得记住女性朋友瑞秋·格林。
Ha ha! I'm gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. Seriously, proud of you. Yeah.
我要上《肥皂剧文摘》了！不只是上那个愚蠢的字谜游戏。我真的以你为荣。 好吧。
I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
谢谢你抽空接受访问。
Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
别客气，我很乐意。
You think we're being obvious?
你们觉得我们做得很明显吗？
No. We're just four people with neck problems, who talk like this.
不，我们只是四个脖子有问题，说话不正常的人。
I think it's great that you wanted to meet here.
约在这里见面实在不错。
You know when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they wanna go to a big fancy restaurant.
大多数人听说餐费会由杂志社来买单，都会约到高级大餐厅。
Actually, I didn't know the magazine was paying.
我真的不知道杂志社会买单。
Wouldn't've mattered, I'm doing this for the fans, not for the free food.
那不重要。我这么做是为了影迷，不是为了白吃。
Can I get you anything? I'll have a cup of coffee.
你们要点些什么？ 咖啡。
And I'll have all the muffins.
各种松饼统统来一份。
Hey! Shhh! We're not talking.
嗨。 我们不能说话。
Oh, finally. Oh.
终于可以不说话了。
So according to your bio, you've done quite a bit of work before Days of Our Lives. Anything that you're particularly proud of?
根据你的个人资料，在《我们的日子》之前你做过很多工作。哪份工作尤其令你自豪？
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a shwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang.
你想要的只不过是个小弟，你所嫉妒的是男人的老二，它可以用来撒尿，时而拿来玩弄，时而让其悬空摇摆。
Folks, has this ever happened to you? You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, and these darn cartons are so flingin' flangin' hard to open.
各位，你们遇到过这种情况吗？你打开冰箱，想喝杯牛奶，但纸盒很难打开。
Boy, you said it, Mike.
天啊，你说得对，麦克。
There's gotta be a better way! And there is, Kevin!
一定有更棒的办法！ 没错，凯文。
This is the first time he's ever used this product, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. Go ahead.
这是他第一次使用这样产品，你们会看到使用方法有多简单。来吧。
This works in any milk can'ton. It is easy.
这适用于所有牛奶纸盒。 确实简单。
Now I can have milk every day.
现在我每天都能喝牛奶了。
So this is it, Victor?
就这样了吗，维克多？
Yeah, I guess it is. And so I'm gonna get on this spaceship and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels.
我猜是吧。所以我要搭上这艘太空船到巴拉根七号星寻找替代能源。
But when I return 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all.
但两百年后我再回来你早已经不在。我却一点都不会变老。
So you tell your great great granddaughter to look me up. Because, Adrian baby I'm gonna want to meet her.
你得要你的曾曾孙女来找我。因为，艾德莉恩宝贝，我想见见她。
Shh, Okay, here I come. Here I come. See I'm coming to fix the copier. I can't get to the copier. I'm thinking, "What do I do? What do I do?"
我出现了。我要来修复印机。我没办法靠近复印机。心想"我该怎么办？"
So I just watch them have sex. And then I say...Wait, here's my line: You know, that's bad for the paper tray.
所以我就看着他们做爱。然后我说……等一下，我要说台词了你知道吗，那样会把纸匣弄坏。
Nice work my friend. Nice work, my friend. Thank you.
干得漂亮，朋友。 谢谢。
Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am...
等一下，我又出现了。等一下，那家伙的屁股挡到我了。我出现了，我出现了，我出现了。
Well, there are so many things, it's, you know hard to pick just one.
我做过太多工作，只选一个真的很难。
I'm gonna get some coffee, anyone want anything?
我要去买咖啡。你们需要什么东西吗？
Oh yeah, I'd actually, I'd love a blueberry muffin and a chamomile tea.
我要蓝莓松饼跟甘菊茶。
Double latte. Extra foam.
双份拿铁，多加奶泡。
And a bagel with only... I was just being polite.
我要百吉饼加…… 我只是礼貌性问一下。
Okay. How about when you're not working? What do you do in your spare time?
你不工作的时候呢？你在业余时间都做些什么？
Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.
快看这个蠢货。仗着自己的船大就以为整条河都是他的。
Get out of the way, jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?
别挡路，混蛋！谁会把自己的船取名为"海岸警卫队"呢？
That is the Coast Guard.
他们就是海岸警卫队。
What are they doing out here? The coast is all the way over there!
他们在这里做什么？海岸在那边。
Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
快看啊，太不可思议了。乔伊已经憋气快四分钟了。
Dude! What you you trying to kill me? !
哥们，你想害死我吗？
Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
看来，今天你真的很忙。这项牛仔帽太过了吧？
Come on, it's fun!
来吧，真的很好玩！
All right. Isn't this a woman's hat?
好吧。这不是女人的帽子吗？
Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea.
别说傻话了，快去帮我们泡荼。
You know what? We have to turn off the porn.
我们得把黄片关掉。
I think you're right.
你说得对。
All right, ready? One.
好吧，准备好了吗？ 一。
Two. Three.
二。 三。
That's kind of nice.
感觉不错。
Yeah, that's kind of a relief. Yeah.
我松了一口气。 对。
You wanna see if we still have it? Yeah.
你想看看我们还能收到吗？ 好啊。
Free porn! We have free porn here!
我们有免费的黄片看！
In my spare time, I read to the blind. And I'm also a mento for kids.
我在业余时间会念书给盲人听。我还是孩子们的曼陀珠。
A mento? You know, a mento. A role model.
曼陀珠？ 曼陀珠，榜样。
A mento? Right.
曼陀珠？ 对。
Like the candy?
你说的是糖果吗？
Matter of fact, I do.
没错，我很喜欢。
Well umm, another thing that our readers always wanna know is how soap stars stay in such great shape. Do you have some kind of fitness regime?
读者一直都想知道肥皂剧明星是怎么保持健美身材的。你有健身妙方吗？
We stars usually just try to eat right and get lots of exercise.
明星们会正确地饮食，伴以大量运动。
Wow! You realize that we've been throwing on this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?
你知道我们已经丢了一小时的球都一直没掉吗？
Are you serious?
真的吗？
Yeah. I realized it about a half hour ago but I didn't want to say anything, 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
半小时前我就发现了，但我不想说出来，怕自己乌鸦嘴。
Wow, we are pretty good at this. Yeah.
我们真的很厉害。 对。
Hey, we totally forgot about lunch.
我们忘了吃午餐。
I think that's the first time I've ever missed a meal. My pants are a little loose.
这是我第一次忘了吃饭。我的裤子都松了。
What's wrong with you?
你怎么了？
Well, I I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, I've been unable to stand up since. But, I don't think it's anything serious.
我举重的时候肚子突然痛得要命。后来我昏了过去。然后就一直站不起来了。但我觉得没什么大问题。
This sounds like a hernia. You have to you you Go to the doctor!
听起来像是疝气，快去看医生吧。
No way! Ok look, if I'm gonna go to the doctor for anything, it's gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach!
不行，如果我去看医生就得把这玩意从我肚子里取出来。
Why did I have to start working out again? Damn you 15s!
我为什么要恢复健身的习惯呢？该死的15磅哑铃！
What is it? A trifle. It's got all of these layers.
这是什么？ 松糕，有好几层。
First there's a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch.
先是一层手指饼干。然后一层果酱，然后是奶油冻，是我自己亲手做的哦。
Then raspberries, more ladyfingers, beef sauteed with peas and onions. Then a little bit more custard.
黑莓、手指饼干、豌豆洋葱烩牛肉。再加一层奶油冻。
That tastes like feet!
味道好像臭脚丫。
I like it.
我喜欢。
Are you kidding?
你开什么玩笑？
What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!
这有什么不好的？奶油冻，好吃。果酱，好吃。肉，好吃。
Well you you don't look good, Joe.
你的脸色不太好，乔伊。
Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.
冰箱坏了，我得把所有东西吃掉。
Cold cuts, ice cream, limes. Hey, what was in that brown jar?
冷盘、冰淇淋、酸橙。那个棕色罐子里装了什么？
That's still in there? Not anymore.
还放在冰箱里呢？ 现在没了。
Oh! Yay! Look! There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it!
这一块没有沾到地板。
Stick to your side. Hey, come on, now.
别越界。 少来了。