Leap Year Day, 1986: I drove up to a ramshackle house in Berkeley to pick out my first dog. It was a month before my two-year cancer anniversary, at which point I would be considered “cured,” and I was ready to make a commitment – to life, longevity and a puppy.

1986年的闰年日：我驱车前往伯克利，在一幢破破烂烂的房子里，挑选了我的第一只狗。一个月后，就是我癌症两周年的日子，到时候我将被认为“痊愈”了，我已经准备好做出承诺——对生活、对生命以及，对一只小狗。

In a local paper I had seen an ad for a litter of cocker spaniels; among the nine pups I watched the runt get trampled over and pushed aside from the kibble. Too small for the forces stacked against her, but determined to stay in the game, the little female struck a chord in me. “That’s my dog,” I said as I paid two Benjamins for her. I know it sounds treacly, but it truly was “puppy love” at first sight.

我是从当地报纸上看到的关于这窝可卡犬的广告。一共有九只幼崽，我发现其中最弱小的那只被它的兄弟姐妹踩在脚下，远远地挤离了狗食盆。它太小了，无力抵抗加诸在它身上的暴力，但它始终不屈不挠，不肯放弃。我被这只小母狗深深地触动了。“我想要这只狗，”我说，并为它支付了200美元。我知道这故事听起来似乎太甜，但我确实是第一眼就喜欢上了这只狗狗。

It didn’t matter a bit to me that she was fully accredited by the American Kennel Club (which I figure is akin to being a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution). I was much more enthralled by her political lineage. Her “mother” and “father” had joined many Vietnam-era protests. Soon enough, this little dog would make her debut in San Francisco’s Gay and Lesbian Freedom Day Parade.

我一点也不在乎它得到了美国犬业俱乐部（American Kennel Club，我推测它是个跟“美国革命女儿会”[Daughters of the American Revolution]类似的机构）权威认证，倒是对它的“政治家谱”更感兴趣。她的“爸爸”和“妈妈”都参加过众多越战时代的抗议活动。很快，这只小狗也会在旧金山的同性恋自由日游行(Gay and Lesbian Freedom Day Parade)中首次亮相。

For 13 years, “Billie” was the four-legged love of my life. She was fearless: On hot days, she would leap into our backyard pool and then paddle to the steps, climb out, and do it all over again. She was peripatetic: Over her lifetime she obtained elite status on United, having flown miles and miles in the airline’s friendly skies. And she was smart: able to open doors with a single paw.

13年来，这只名叫比莉(Billie)的狗狗一直是我四条腿的“爱人”。它勇敢无畏：在炎热的日子里，它会纵身跃入我们家后院的游泳池，一路扑腾到台阶上，然后爬出来，再来一遍。它很逍遥：它获得了美国联合航空公司(United)的终生贵宾资格，已经在该航空公司友好的服务中飞过千里。它很聪明：能用单爪打开门。

Billie was also ahead of her time, with two dads long before that became downright cool. Still trend-setting in her middle years, she became a poster pup for joint custody when I moved to the East Coast for a new job. When the New York gig fizzled, Billie and I moved back to the Bay Area.

此外，比莉还很前卫，早在人类的同性恋得到承认之前，它就有了两只“狗爹”。在步入中年后，它仍然走在潮流尖端，当我搬到东海岸从事新工作时，它登上了“共同监护权(joint custody)”的主题海报。后来，我在纽约的工作草草收场，比莉又跟着我回到了湾区。

Then, one night I noticed that she was rubbing her right eye with her paw, as though she had a bad headache. A quick look showed something was terribly amiss; the eye had clouded over. An emergency call to the vet only heightened my anxiety. “Bring her in first thing,” he told me. After a cursory exam the next morning, he delivered the bleak news: “Glaucoma.” The pressure in her eye had already destroyed her optic nerve.

再后来，一天晚上，我发现它老是用爪子去蹭右眼，就好像患了严重的头痛似的。我只扫了一眼就发现它的眼睛很不对劲——那里面密布着云翳。我赶紧给兽医打电话，他的回答让我忧虑更甚。“明天一早就请把它带来，”他如是对我说。第二天早上，兽医给它做了粗略的检查后就告诉我一个令人沮丧的消息：“它患上了青光眼”。过高的眼压已经损坏了它的视神经。

Within the year, the retina in her good eye detached and she went completely blind just as I was moving into a new apartment. It pained me to see her crash into unfamiliar walls and furniture. But Billie remained fearless — and proved resilient — and she soon figured out how to maneuver her way around these new obstacle courses.

同一年，它好眼的视网膜也脱落了。就在我刚搬进新公寓时，她完全失明了。我心疼地看着它因为不熟悉环境而在墙壁和家具上磕磕撞撞。但比莉仍然无所畏惧，而且坚韧不拔，它很快就找到了在这些陌生的障碍物之间穿行的方法。

Just before holidays that year I happened to kick an old tennis ball across the living room. Billie took off after it and wandered back to me with it in her mouth. I repeated the experiment and then called the vet, who told me I was suffering from “wishful thinking.” I brought her in for an exam and he put her through her paces in his office – including the ball toss. When he had finished, he came to me, tears in his eyes, saying, “This really is a Christmas miracle.” The retina had spontaneously reattached.

就在那一年放假前，我碰巧把一只旧网球踢过了起居室。比莉追在它后面，把它叼回给我。我重复实验了一回，打电话告诉了兽医，他却说我只是“一厢情愿”罢了。于是我把比莉带去给他检查。他让它在他办公室里自由跑动，还玩了抛球游戏。检查结束后，他热泪盈眶地对我说：“这真是一个圣诞奇迹。”——它的视网膜居然自发复位了。

A year later, I took Billie back to the dog hospital one last time. Days earlier they had found a mass in her belly, and I knew it was time to bid farewell.

一年后，我最后一次带比莉去了狗医院。几天之前，他们在它肚子里发现了一个肿块——我知道我们终于到了说再见的时候。

Thirteen years together. During that time, our thrice-daily walking routine helped me come out of my cancer fog. Day-by-day, walk-by-walk, I came to realize I would likely achieve a normal life expectancy. My commitment to this four-legged HAD led to a happy marriage with a two-legged.

十三年的朝夕相伴。在那期间，我们每天的三次例行散步帮我走出了癌症的阴霾。一天一天，一步一步，我逐渐明白我将有机会活到正常寿命。我与这四条腿的小家伙的不离不弃也曾成就了我与某人的一段幸福婚姻。

After Billie was gone I never thought I would have another dog, much less one I could love so completely. Then, suddenly, it turned out I was single again; I thought I would remain that way for years to come. But five months later, I found myself making the trek to a small house surrounded by a white picket fence with a heart-shaped wreath on the front gate. There, a 5-year-old cocker named Max who needed a new home, overjoyed by my attention but seemingly terrified of his own clipped tail, jumped all over me. Unlike Billie, this big lug of a cocker had no particular lineage and struck me as kind of low-I.Q. It was not love at first sight.

比莉去世后，我没想过要再养一只狗，更不用说再付出这么多的感情。后来，我突然又成了单身；我一度以为自己的余生就是这样了。然而，五个月后，我长途跋涉，去往一座环绕着白色尖桩篱栅，正门还挂着个心型花环的小房子。在那里，一只5岁的可卡犬马克斯(Max)需要一个新家，我的关注让它喜出望外，但它似乎被自己修剪过的尾巴吓到了，一跃就扑在我身上。与比莉不同，这只大可卡犬没有什么特别的血统，给我一种智商不高的感觉。这第一次见面并没让我喜欢上它。

I told the owner I would think about it and drove away, expecting to forget about Max.

我告诉狗主人我会考虑的，然后就开车走了，一心想把马克斯忘到爪哇国去。

Within hours came an insistent call from Max’s owner: “If you don’t take him by the morning we’re going to put him down.” Well, when he puts it like that, what can I do? I said out loud to myself. Despite my misgivings I went back to pick him up.

结果还没过几小时，马克斯的主人就打来电话说：“如果你上午不把它接走，我们就把它处死了。”——他都这么说了，我还能怎么办？我大声对自己说。尽管心存疑虑，但我还是回去把它接回家了。

Max soon confirmed that he wasn’t “gifted.” On a hike, he watched a horse trot by from right to left. Once off the leash, he tore off in pursuit – in the completely wrong direction. City life didn’t prove much easier. Barely a month later I came home to find Max breathing rapidly as though his heart was ready to explode. The one-pound box of dark chocolates, now empty, gave him away. At the E.R., I sat vigil through a touch-and-go night. A mere $2,000 later we came home, and what did Max do? He went directly to the trash bin and to pull out the chocolate box. My little genius.

事实很快就证实马克斯确实不够聪明。一次远足时，它看到一匹马小跑着从右去向左边。我刚一松开狗链，它就追了出去——却完全弄错了方向。城市生活对它来说也没轻松多少。仅仅一个月后，我回到家里，发现马克斯的心跳快得像要爆炸了一样。一盒一磅（约合0.45千克）重的黑巧克力现在空空如也，解释了一切的原因。生死攸关的一夜，我坐在急诊室没有合眼。花了2000美元后，马克斯终于痊愈回家，你猜它干了什么？他直接跑去垃圾桶里把巧克力盒子扒拉了出来。真是个小“天才”！

However, I was finding that Max needed me in a way Billie never had. And through our various trials I came to love Max, too – not like Billie; in some ways it felt like a betrayal of Billie. But about this time I remembered an old folk song, with old folk wisdom, called “Magic Penny”:

不过，我渐渐发现，马克斯非常需要我，而比莉从不会这样。经过重重“磨难”的考验，我终于也喜欢上了马克斯——而且这种喜欢与对比莉不同——有时候，我甚至感觉自己“背叛”了比莉。这时候，我想起了一首充满了古老民间智慧的民谣，歌的名字叫做：《神奇的硬币》(“Magic Penny”)：

Love is something if you give it away, give it away, give it away

爱就是付出，付出，再付出

Love is something if you give it away, you end up having more.Indeed, in giving my love to Billie, it had opened me up to having more.

爱就是如果你付出，最后就会拥有更多。是的，我对比莉的爱为我打开了一扇大门，给了我更多的收获。

Toward the end of Max’s days, I took him to an alternative medicine vet in search of help for a bulging disk, since he was now too old for back surgery. Silently, I watched her place each of the two dozen needles into his head, back and legs. Within moments, my frightened old fella had calmed down and lay quietly on the soft bed in the exam room. I did, too, ostensibly to make sure he didn’t jump up and shake out all the needles. But really, I wanted to hold him, to protect him – indeed, to love him – every moment that I could. I thought to myself with amazement as we lay there in the dark: “I love him completely, and completely differently.”

在马克斯的暮年，它换上了椎间盘突出。因为已经太老了，它没法接受背部手术，于是我把它带去一家替代的药物兽医诊所寻求帮助。我默默地看着兽医在马克斯的头部、背部和腿部各扎了二十几针。这饱受惊吓的老伙计马上就镇静下来，静静地躺在柔软的检查床上。我也跟着躺了下来，表面上是为了确保它不会跳起来，抖掉身上所有的针，但其实我只是想好好抱抱它，保护它，爱它——每时每刻。和它一起躺在黑暗中的时候，我惊讶地想到：“我居然彻底爱上它了，而且这爱跟爱比莉完全不同。”

And when he died not long after, I thought how lucky I was to have loved twice like that. Different loves, yes. Each one complete in its own way. Time may have its limits, but love apparently doesn’t. Oh, and along the way I found another spouse. Years later we are still together, with photos of Billie and Max in the house – along with a crazy but brilliant Jack Russell terrier. But that’s another story.

不久之后，马克斯离开了人间。但我想我是幸运的，因为我曾经那样地爱过两只狗狗，以两种不同的方式。时间或许有其限度，但显然，爱是无限的。对了，在此期间我又找到了另一个配偶。多年后，我们依然生活在一起，在我们的房子里，放着比莉和马克斯的照片，还有一只聪明但脾气古怪的杰克罗素（犬的一种）。但那又是另外一个故事了。