史上最大规模的居家奶爸聚会
日期:2014-11-26 12:00

(单词翻译:单击)

DENVER — “Choo-choo-wa! Choo-choo-wa! Choo-choo-wa-wa-wah!”
丹佛——“噗—噗—哧!噗—噗—哧!噗—噗—哧—哧—哧!”
The words — the theme song of a children’s cartoon — were being bellowed by six grown men huddled on a makeshift stage in a hotel banquet room.
六个成年男人挤在酒店宴会厅的一个临时舞台上,吼出这些歌词——一部儿童动画片的主题曲。
The song leader, an education specialist, held up a baby rattle.
领唱是一个教育专家,他举着宝贝摇铃。

“What can we do to encourage play?” he asked the all-male audience.
“我们要怎样鼓励孩子们表演?”他向全是男性的观众问道。
“Give them alone time,” one man offered.
“给他们独处的时间,”一个男人提议道。
“Follow their lead,” another said.
“听他们指挥,”另一个说道。
“Have stuff around that they can interact with,” a third suggested.
“把能跟他们互动的东西放在手边,”第三个人建议说。
All were correct. And why wouldn’t they be? They were stay-at-home fathers observing a presentation on children and play.
这些回答都对。怎么可能不对呢?这些人都是居家奶爸,他们正在观看一个关于儿童和表演的演讲。
The men are part of a group called the National At-Home Dad Network, which on an early fall weekend had gathered here for an annual retreat (and a rare night without the kids). The men — 100 in total — had traveled from all over: the Midwest, Canada, Washington State. Over two days, they would attend a workshop on seatbelt safety and bro out at a Colorado Rockies game. They traded recipes — Tex-Mex spaghetti squash, lentil soup, piled into a box in the lobby — and asked questions of a panel of working women. (“Is it weird when your husband gets you a gift with your own money?”; “Who handles your finances?”) The men exchanged email addresses and made plans to meet up in playgrounds across the country.
这些男人属于一个名为美国居家奶爸网(National At-Home Dad Network)的组织。今年秋初的一个周末,他们在丹佛举行年度聚会(这是个难得的夜晚,不用带孩子)。他们总共有100人,来自四面八方:美国中西部、加拿大和华盛顿州。在接下来的两天里,他们将参加一个关于安全带安全性的研讨会和科罗拉多州落基山的一个狩猎活动。他们交换菜谱——美墨边境风味南瓜意面、扁豆汤等,这些菜谱都塞入酒店大堂的一个箱子里——向一个职业女性座谈小组提问( “如果你丈夫用你挣的钱给你买了个礼物,你会觉得别扭吗?”;“谁管理你的财务?”)他们交换电子邮件地址,计划在美国各地的游乐场再次聚会。
By Sunday, they left, as the convention organizer put it, “better men, better husbands, better fathers.” It was the largest gathering of stay-at-home fathers ever, according to the organizers.
正如聚会组织者所说,他们周日离开时变成了“更好的男人,更好的丈夫,更好的父亲”。据组织者们说,这是史上最大的居家奶爸聚会。
Some may wonder why fathers need a convention at all. But these men said the answer was simple: They wanted other dads to talk to.
有些人可能想知道为什么父亲们需要聚会。但是这些男人说,答案很简单:他们想和其他奶爸交流。
At-home mothers have every support resource in the book, as well as a changing vernacular for how to refer to them (they too are “working moms”). Yet when it comes to dads who are the primary caretakers of their children — a group that is growing swiftly, both in size and visibility — the resources remain dismal. Few books. Fewer community groups.
全职妈妈可以在书中找到所有抚养方法,她们还有另一个称呼(“职业母亲”)。但是对于在照顾孩子中承担主要责任的父亲们来说——不管在规模还是可见度方面,这个人群在快速增长——这些资源仍然很少。几乎没什么书。相关的社团更少。
“You’ll hear many guys describe it: I’m alone on an island in a vast sea,” said Jim O’Dowd, the conference organizer, who is a former mechanical engineer and a father of four. “There’s no history, no social structure, no guidebook. A guy jumps into this blind.”
“你会听到很多男人这样说:我像是孤身一人在茫茫大海的一个小岛上,”聚会组织者吉姆·奥多德(Jim O’Dowd)说。他曾是机械工程师,现在是四个孩子的父亲。“没有关于我们的历史或社会结构,也没有指南书。我们是两眼一抹黑,跳入了这个未知的世界。”
And yet, he is also more visible than ever. According to a June study by the Pew Research Center, stay-at-home dads now account for more than 16 percent of at-home caretakers, a number that has more than doubled over the past decade (and still does not factor in dads who work part time).
但是现在,他们的可见度增高了。据皮尤研究中心今年6月份的一项调查,如今超过16%的幼儿是由居家奶爸照顾的,这个数字在过去十年里增长了一倍多(这还不包括兼职工作的奶爸)。
By no means are single-earner households the norm in this country. And yet along with women’s economic rise — 23 percent of wives now outearn their husbands — has emerged a new kind of male caretaker: the out-and-proud involved dad.
在美国,夫妻一方赚钱养家不再是主流。但是,随着女性经济收入的提高——如今23%的妻子挣的钱比丈夫多——出现了一种新型男性看护人:公开承认并以此为荣的奶爸。
Sure, he raises his children differently than a woman would. But he’s also there by choice. He isn’t a product of the recession, necessarily. And, according to a Boston College survey, a majority of his full-time working brothers wish they could join him — if their wives’ incomes only allowed.
当然,他们照顾孩子的方式跟女人不同。但他们也是主动做出这种选择的。他们不一定是经济衰退的产物。据波士顿学院的一项调查,那些全职工作的男人们大多希望能加入这个行列——如果妻子的收入允许的话。
“There’s been a feeling for a long time that dads are not capable, that if dads are in the home, moms are still directing, that dads are not interested in that caretaker role,” said Matt Schneider, a 39-year-old former teacher who had traveled to the convention from New York, where he is a founder of a dads group with 1,100 members. “That doesn’t jibe with what we see every day.”
“长期以来,人们一直觉得爸爸们照顾不好小孩;爸爸们在家照顾孩子时,仍需妈妈们指导;爸爸们对照顾孩子这个角色不感兴趣, ”39岁的马特·施耐德(Matt Schneider)说。他当过老师,从纽约赶来参加这次聚会。他在纽约创立了一个奶爸团体,有1100名成员。“那与我们每天看到的情况不符。”
The roots of the National At-Home Dads Network actually began two decades ago, with a dissertation project at Oakton Community College in Des Plaines, Ill. Robert Frank, now the chairman of the college’s behavioral and social science department, was working toward his Ph.D. in psychology while caring for his two children. When asked one day by a professor what he did for a living, he replied without thinking twice, “I’m a stay-at-home dad.”
美国居家奶爸网实际上起源于20年前伊利诺伊州德斯普兰斯市奥克顿社区大学(Oakton Community College)的一个论文项目。罗伯特·弗兰克(Robert Frank)如今是该大学行为与社会科学系的主任。当时他一边照顾两个孩子,一边攻读心理学博士学位。有一天,一位教授问他以什么为生,他不假思索地回答道, “我是居家奶爸。”
She stared back at him, wide-eyed. “I’ve never heard that phrase before,” she told him. “You’ve just found your dissertation topic.”
那位教授吃惊地注视着他。“我从没听过这个词, ”她说, “你的博士论文可以以此为主题。”
Over the next two years, Mr. Frank surveyed 371 men who said they were the primary caregivers to their children, and determined that 63 percent said they felt isolated versus 37 percent of mothers in the same position. He began a series of at-home dad meetings — before the days of Google, their existence spread by word of mouth — and his findings culminated in a book, “Parenting Partners,” which publishers told him could not have just “dad” in the title.
在接下来的两年里,弗兰克调查了自称孩子主要照顾者的371位父亲,发现其中63%的人觉得孤独,而处于同样位置的母亲们只有37%有这种感觉。他开始组织一系列居家奶爸聚会。在谷歌出现之前,他们靠口口相传才知道彼此的存在。他把自己的发现写成了一本书,名叫《养育孩子的父母》(Parenting Partners),出版社说书名中不能只有“爸爸”。
His group fizzled somewhere around the 10-year mark, in part because his children were grown by then. He piled his old research notes in boxes in the garage, and moved on to other issues. He said he rarely gives interviews on the subject.
大约十年后,他的团体解散了,部分原因是他的孩子们那时已长大。他把旧调查笔记堆在车库的箱子里,转向了其他主题。他说自己几乎没有就这个主题接受过采访。
And yet Mr. Frank had started a movement that endures. In recent months, the engaged father has become a subject in men’s magazines, as well as a bevy of advertisements (among them: Cheerios and Tide). At Boston College, the study of the “New Dad,” as it’s called, is now the major focus of the university’s Center for Work and Family. At the dads’ convention, researchers from Notre Dame and Arizona State were looking at stay-at-home dads in the context of social class and identity.
但是弗兰克开创了一项延续下来的活动。最近几个月,忙碌的奶爸成了男性杂志和很多广告的主题(比如,Cheerios麦圈和汰渍)。如今,关于“新爸爸”的研究成为波士顿学院工作与家庭研究中心的主要关注点。在奶爸聚会中,来自圣母大学和亚利桑那州立大学的研究者正从社会阶层和身份认同的角度审视居家奶爸。
And while there is new research showing that the daughters of active fathers are healthier and have higher self-esteem, the research has not focused just on the positive. A study at the University of Toronto recently determined that the so-called “motherhood penalty” — the idea that moms are penalized at work — applies to men, too, only worse. While women who talked about their children at work were deemed worse employees but better women (read: taking on their feminine role), men who talked about being a parent at work were viewed as both lesser workers and lesser men.
虽然有新研究表明,积极的父亲养育的女儿更健康、更自信,但是研究不只关注这些正面影响。多伦多大学最近的一项研究发现,所谓的“母性的惩罚”——认为妈妈们在工作中处于不利地位——也适用于男人,而且情况更糟。在工作中谈论孩子的女人被认为是较差的员工、较好的女人(也就是说:她承担女性角色),但是在工作中谈论为父之道的男人既被认为是较差的员工,也被认为是较差的男人。
“Has there been an attitudinal shift? Yes,” said Brad Harrington, the executive director of the Center for Work and Family. “But we’re still in a period of transition.”
“人们的态度有没有变化?有,”工作与家庭研究中心的执行总监布拉德·哈林顿(Brad Harrington)说,“但是我们仍处于转型期。”
For its part, this dads’ network is working to change the stigma. Today there are subsets of the group all across the country, including men who gathered in five cities last month to celebrate “International Babywearing Week” (that is, a week to honor parents with small children strapped to their chests). One member hosts a conference for dad bloggers, called the Dad 2.0 Summit, and the network’s president, Al Watts, recently published an essay collection with Hogan Hilling called “Dads Behaving Dadly.”
美国居家奶爸网正在努力改变这种偏见。如今,该组织在美国各地有很多分部,包括上个月在五个城市聚会庆祝“国际婴儿背带周”(International Babywearing Week,旨在表彰把小孩捆在胸前的父母们)的奶爸们。其中一个成员为奶爸博主们举办了一次大会,名为奶爸2.0峰会(Dad 2.0 Summit)。最近,美国居家奶爸网的主席阿尔·沃茨(Al Watts)和霍根·希灵(Hogan Hilling)出版了一个文集,名叫《尽为父之责的父亲们》(Dads Behaving Dadly)。
A couple of years ago, when Huggies created an ad that many of the men found offensive — the idea was to put the diapers up to a bumbling “Dad Test” — the men got together and wrote the company with their objections. Huggies pulled the ad, and was even a sponsor at this year’s conference.
几年前,好奇公司(Huggies)发布了一个广告,把换纸尿裤加入一个笨拙的“爸爸测试”(Dad Test)中,很多男人觉得遭到冒犯,他们聚集起来,给该公司写信表示抗议。好奇公司撤了那个广告。它是今年奶爸大会的赞助商之一。
That camaraderie was in full display in Denver. Mr. Watts played master of ceremonies, while Greg Washington, a part-time football coach in Madison, Wis., encouraged men to share photos of their children. A dad who works part time as a graphic artist designed the program, and the opening video montage — a mash-up of news clips about modern fatherhood — was created by a dad, too. (At the end: a female newscaster asking, “Is dad the new mom?” To which a chorus of male voices shouted at the projector, “No!”)
这种同志情谊在丹佛的大会上得到充分体现。沃茨担任主持人;威斯康星州麦迪逊县兼职橄榄球教练格雷格·华盛顿(Greg Washington)鼓励男人们分享孩子们的照片。一位兼职做美术设计的奶爸设计了这个项目,而开幕的视频剪接片也是一位奶爸制作的,它是关于现代父性的新闻视频剪辑(在视频末尾,一位新闻评论女主持人问道,“奶爸就是新型妈妈吗?”男人们对着投影仪一起喊道:“不是!”)。
But these men are used to that question, or at least what it represents. They see it at the playground as they scan the grass for other dads to talk to, or from male friends who, as Mr. Washington put it, “don’t always get it.” They hear it in the innocent question from a neighbor — “Are you babysitting today?” — or the pediatrician who asks, “Should I speak with your wife?”
但是这些男人已经习惯了这种问题,或者至少习惯了这种境况。他们在游乐场四处巡视也未必能找到可以交谈的奶爸;或者如华盛顿所说,“并不是所有的”男性朋友“都能理解”。某个邻居无意中会问:“今天你当保姆吗?”儿科医生会问:“我应该跟你妻子商量吗?”
Mr. Harrington, of Boston College, recalled a story from a few years back in which a man he knew — carrying his baby snuggled under his jacket on a cold day — emerged from a park trail to a circle of police officers because he looked suspicious.
波士顿学院的哈林顿想起了几年前的一个故事:在一个寒冷的日子,一个他认识的男人让幼儿依偎在大衣里面,走在一条公园小径上,一圈警察拦住了他,因为他看起来很可疑。
“One of our first dads meetups was at the Whitney Museum,” said Mr. Schneider, a father of two. “There were five of us with our babies, having lunch. It was like we were one of the exhibits. We had people coming up to us saying, ‘What is this?’ ”
“我们早期的奶爸聚会有一次在惠特尼博物馆举行,”施耐德说。他有两个孩子。“我们五个男人带着孩子一起共进午餐。弄得好像我们就是一项展览。有人走过来问:‘这是什么展览?’ ”
The good news is that the culture has started to catch up. In April, Daniel Murphy, the Mets second baseman, ignited a fury of radio chatter after missing two games to be at home with his wife and newborn son. When the chief executive of MongoDB Inc., a software firm, announced that he would step down this year to spend more time with his family, he noted that, “As a male C.E.O., I have been asked what kind of car I drive and what type of music I like, but never how I balance the demands of being both a dad and a C.E.O.”
好消息是风气开始改变了。今年4月,大都会棒球队的二垒手丹尼尔·墨菲(Daniel Murphy)为了在家陪妻子和刚出生的儿子未参加两场比赛,在电台引发轮番批评。MongoDB软件公司的首席执行官宣布今年将辞职,花更多时间陪伴家人。他提到,“作为一名男性首席执行官,有人问我开哪种车,喜欢哪种音乐,但是从来没人问我如何同时履行做父亲和做首席执行官的责任。”
Companies like Facebook and Change.org are among a group that have begun to offer generous paternity leave policies, and as a 2014 survey of dads revealed, 89 percent said it would be an important criterion in looking for a new job.
Facebook和Change.org等公司开始提供慷慨的产假政策,2014年的一项关于父亲的调查显示,89%的父亲说,这将会成为找工作时的一项重要考虑因素。
And then there are the fathers who are wearing their dad badges each day, proudly.
另外就是这些每天自豪地顶着奶爸头衔的父亲们。
“Find somebody you don’t know and thank them for coming here today,” Mr. Watts prompted the conference attendees, each of whom got a gift bag (a water bottle and beef jerky) underneath his seat. Good-natured heckling was allowed, but only because each of these men shared a kind of understanding.
“寻找你不认识的人,感谢他们今天到这里来,”沃茨鼓励与会者这样做。每个人的座位下都有一个礼物袋(一个水瓶和牛肉干)。这里允许善意的诘问,因为他们相互理解。
“You know, anybody who cares about their kid can learn to change diapers and do laundry and cook — and all of those things that are part of being an at-home parent,” Mr. O’Dowd said. “But you can’t overcome social stigma on your own. So while we want guys to feel like they can come here and bond with each other, we also want to enlighten the world a little bit. To say, you know, dads can do this gig, too.”
“你知道,任何关爱孩子的人都能学会换纸尿裤、洗衣服和做饭——所有这些都是做全职父母的责任,”奥多德说,“但是仅凭一己之力无法改变社会偏见。所以我们想让奶爸们知道自己可以来到这里,建立联系,我们也想让这世界更开明一点。也就是说,你知道,爸爸们也能胜任这项工作。”

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重点单词
  • networkn. 网络,网状物,网状系统 vt. (以网络)覆
  • stigman. 耻辱,污名 n. 柱头
  • rareadj. 稀罕的,稀薄的,罕见的,珍贵的 adj. 煎得
  • transitionn. 过渡,转变
  • jibev. 移转
  • bondn. 债券,结合,粘结剂,粘合剂 vt. 使结合,为 .
  • collectionn. 收集,收取,聚集,收藏品,募捐
  • generousadj. 慷慨的,宽宏大量的,丰盛的,味浓的
  • conferencen. 会议,会谈,讨论会,协商会
  • laundryn. 洗衣店,要洗的衣服,洗衣