走出第一步

You know the type: the average-looking guy who can meet someone new while out buying light bulbs, or the rather plain Jane who comes home from a dental appointment with the name and number of a potential suitor. We set out to discover just what makes these people so adept at meeting others so you can try their best pick-up tips. Here are the four steps to follow when you see someone you’d like to meet and get to know better.

有这样一类人：长相平平的男生在出去买灯泡的时候认识一位新的女性朋友，或者长相一般的女生看完牙医后，一个潜在追求者告诉了她他的名字和号码。只要我们开始了解TA们与人交往如鱼得水的原因，自己就可以向TA们学最有效的一两招。当你看到一个心仪对象，想多了解对方时，就用以下四招。

边笑边招手

Step #1: Smile and wave

第一步：边笑边招手

Don’t be afraid to use gestures that say, “I’d like to chat with you” — whether that means a smile, a nod, a wave or just eyebrows raised in expectation. Laura Lewis, 27, from River Falls, WI, recently spent much of her lunch hour in a long line at a bank. But instead of getting annoyed, she got a number from the cute guy standing behind her. “We were checking each other out the whole time we stood there,” she explains, “and just as I finished at the teller, I gave him a big, big smile. He gave me a cute little ‘hi there’ wave, so I busied myself rearranging my wallet until he was free to talk.”

　　不要害怕使用身体语言去表达“我想跟你聊一聊”，不管是一个微笑，一次点头，一个招手或者只是眉手上扬来表达你的期望都是可以的。劳拉·路易斯（Laura Lewis）来自西印度群岛的River Falls，最近花了几个小时的午餐时间在银行门口排队。与其他因为排队而变得很烦躁的人不同，她得到了排在她后面的一个可爱男生的电话。“站在那里时，我们一直都在交谈着，”她说道，“我在柜台取完钱之后，我就对他会心地笑了笑。而他却回给我一个非常可爱的‘你好’手势，然后我就忙着整理我的钱包，直到他也弄好有时间聊天。”

How to practice it: Even though it may seem bold, smiling at strangers is the top way to let them know it’s safe to break through. Try it on everyone and anyone: the bored workers at the post office, a harried mother in front of you at the checkout aisle, or even the toddler sitting in her cart. As you get used to being a smiler, you’ll start doing it naturally — including at the people you most want to meet.

　　怎样练习：虽然这需要勇气，但是对陌生人微笑是让他们知道如果你和我说话我会友好以待的上策。对待每个人都如此：邮局里感到无聊的员工，在排队等候付账的队伍里着急的母亲，又或者是一个坐在小推车里小孩。你习惯这样做之后，当遇到你最想遇到的人时，你自然而然就会对着他们笑了。

先开口讲话

Step #2: Be the one who speaks first

第二步：你先开口讲话

Anyone can talk back to someone, but real people-meeters know the trick is starting a chat out of the blue. Susan RoAne, author of How to Create Your Own Luck and What Do I Say Next?, says the secret lies in seeing the world around you as full of opportunities to talk versus waiting to be addressed by someone else.

　　任何人都可以与某人顶嘴，但是真正能与别人打成一片的人知道最好的办法是在别人不经意的时候与TA谈话。作为《怎样创造幸运》和《我接下来要说什么？》的作者，苏珊·罗安妮（Susan RoAne）表示，奥秘就在于将发生在你身边一切事都当做可与别人谈话的机会，而不是等待别人来与你谈话。

How to do it: In order to break the ice with people you want to date, it helps to start with people you’d normally never speak to — say, the married guy in another department at work or a grandma at the bus stop. Since you’re not worried about whether they’ll shoot you down, you can truly be yourself and get used to talking to perfect strangers. “You have to get comfortable doing it, or you’ll hesitate when you see someone in particular who you want to talk to,” says RoAne. “If you have to think about what to say or feel self-conscious, you’ll hesitate and the moment will be gone.”

　　怎样做：为了能与你想要约会的对象打破沉默，你最好先和其他从来没有讲过话的人讲话，比如说，在别部门上班的已婚男或公交车站的老奶奶。和他们说话不会让你觉得会被拒之于千里之外，所以那时候的你是真正的你，慢慢也会习惯和陌生人讲话。“你必须让自己在那样做的时候感到很舒服，不然，在与别人谈话，特别是你想要与对方谈话的人时，你就会迟疑了，”罗安妮说道。“如果你必须要想一想才知道说什么或你感觉自己正被人盯着，讲话时你就会停顿，机会也就失去了。”

加强你的闲聊技巧

Step #3: Work your chit-chat charm

第三步：加强你的闲聊技巧

OK, what the heck should you talk about? The experts advise finding something that you two share — that could easily be something in your environment, like the weather or the huge new billboard that went up across the street. Or it could be something in the world around you, like a big verdict that was announced on the news earlier in the day or the fact that the next day is officially the longest day of the year.

　　那到底要聊些什么呢？专家建议聊一些你们两个都了解的，那可以是在你生活的地方发生的事，比如天气或横在街上的大广告牌。或者是发生在你身边的一些事，比如早些时候新闻里播放的对案件的裁决或第二天将迎来一年中最长的一天。

How to practice it: Work on having an opinion or asking for the other person’s view of things rather than just throwing a remark out there. So if you’re in the cereal aisle, don’t mutter to yourself, “Wow, expensive...” Turn to the object of your affection and say, “Wow, can you believe it? Almost six dollars for this! Is it just this brand or are they all so pricey?” Similarly, if you’re in line for lunch and the folks behind the deli counter are taking their time, don’t just say, “Gee, this line is moving so slowly.” Instead, try to get some playful banter going by saying, “I’ll bet you a little bag of chips that we’re not out of here by 1 p.m.” The idea is to open the door to a chat rather than just tossing out an observation.

　　怎样实行：自己要有对事物的看法或者你可以询问别人对某事的看法，而不是自己说完一句话就完了。如果你走在谷物区，别小声对自己说：“哇，太贵了吧……”，要注意你本来想要表达的感想，你可以说：“哇，你相信吗？买这个将近要花六美元！只有这个牌子是这样的还是它们都很贵？”相同地，如果你在排队买午饭，而你在等的那个美食柜台后面的工作人员磨磨蹭蹭的，不要说：“呀，排了半天都没动过。”相反，你应该试着让气氛变得更有意思，你可以说：“我跟你打赌，我们在下午一点前都不可能移动一下，赌注是一小包薯条。”这样一来，别人就会参与进来，而不要只是说出你的观察意见。

停止讲话

Step #4: Then... stop talking!

第四步：然后……停止讲话！

Bill Keith, 29, from Hudson, OH, has a knack for charming everyone around him. He says his secret is knowing when to stop yapping and start listening. “People aren’t used to having other people really listen to them, so that’s how I win a lot of people over,” he says. So whether he’s remarking about an old Madonna song that just came on the supermarket muzak (which is how he met his best friend) or asking someone at Starbucks which shaker has cocoa and which has cinnamon and whether really makes a difference, Keith opens the door to a chat and then shuts his mouth. His new acquaintance walks away feeling connected since Keith lavished on some personal attention.z

　　比尔·凯思（Bill Keith），29岁，来自俄亥俄州的哈德逊河流域，在将别人都吸引到自己身边来，他有绝招。他说秘密就在于他知道什么时候该闭嘴，开始倾听。“人们不习惯叫别人倾听自己说的话，那是我赢得很多的注意的关键，”他说道。所以不管他对商场里（在那里他遇到了自己最好的朋友）播放的麦当娜的一首老歌评论时还是在星巴克咖啡厅问别人哪个混合器里的是可可豆，哪个是肉桂，还问道它们中哪一个味道好一点。凯思为别人开启了一扇谈话之门，然后自己闭嘴。他新认识的人在和他谈完话走开后感到他与凯思的心境是相同的，因为凯思给了他一些特别的注意。

How to practice it: Next time you start a conversation, make an effort to ask the person you’re chatting with at least three questions before making another observation of your own. That will get you in the groove of letting the other person open up to you... and it shows your level of appreciation for what someone else has to say. And when people feel appreciated, chances are, they’ll want to continue that conversation.

　　怎样实行：下次在开始一段对话前，问正在与你谈话的人三个问题，然后再发表你的另一个意见。那样一来，你就处于有利地位，别人就会在你面前开口讲话…… 同时也展示出你对别人要说的话的欣赏态度。然而一旦别人感觉自己被欣赏，机会就来了。他们会想要继续跟你谈话。