高考英语习作点评:帮助他人 快乐自己
日期:2015-06-16 10:34

(单词翻译:单击)

That day, Feb 12th, was my father's birthday. I went to buy a present for him. I wanted to say "thank you" to my father in the way.[1] I went home on[2] subway train. It was crowed there, but luckily I found a seat and sat down. I thought my father would felt overjoy[3] when he recived[receive] it .Just then I saw that an old lady got on the train. And she stood without a seat. I thought I would be ashamed if I did nothing. So I stood up and gave the lady my seat[4]. She thanked me again and again.
I feel happy, I meant it, when I do something to help others[5]. It is rewarding to give your kindniss[kindness] away. And it will make the world warmer.

修改意见:
[1] in the way 的意思是“挡路了,是妨碍”,此处要表达的应该是用这种方式:in this way
[2] 乘地铁回家:I went home by subway.
[3] Overjor是动词,使狂喜的意思,此处应用形容词,overjoyed
[4] so单独引导结果状语从句,没有主句。Nothing后面改成逗号。I thought I would be ashamed if did nothing, so I stood up and let her take me seat.
[5] 这个插入语用的不正确,建议不要用I mean it, I mean it 是前面自己说了一句话,说完了,句号结束了。后面加这个话表示:我是认真的!这里,如果真要插入就用:I think, I believe
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