Doing Shopping Online
With the development of the Internet, shopping is no longer a tiring thing. Just click your mouse to choose the articles you like, and the purchase is done. You don't even have to step out of the room. It seems all easy and quick.
However, people's opinions vary on this trend. Some believe that on line shopping is time and money saving. With plentiful selection options, they can buy whatever they like at any time conveniently. Still others insist that mis-purchasing alone is annoying enough, not to mention the credibility of the sellers and the safety of their accounts.
In my opinion, the convenience and excitement of on line shopping is beyond all doubts. In the meantime, we must always bear in mind that certain traps do exist, so we'd better make sure the sellers are trustworthy before buying. In addition, we should also guard ourselves from the potential hackers who might steal our account information.
1. 文章结构上，能看得出该同学试图采用议论文的“三段式”（提出问题、分析问题、解决问题）。 但是，以“With the development of the Internet”为开首语，有些落入俗套，有硬套模板的嫌疑。稍加注意，应该能写出更好的句子。
2. 微观语言点方面，有些语句稍显啰嗦，比如With plentiful selection options...简化成With plentiful selections... 更好，意思没有丝毫减损，表达力反而增强许多。