Hi，everyone and welcome back to America under the microscope. Hi，James.

Hi, Lulu, hi, everyone.

So today I thought we, instead of talking about things that are more general，we're going to talk about something very specific to your life. Getting a bit of scared?

Life in China?

Umm… actually, we're going to talk about parenting

Life in China!

Yep, because your son was born in China.

Yeah, my son was born here in Beijing，he is growing up here, too.

I thought it would be interesting for us to talk about like the general American attitude towards parenting.

Sure, we can absolutely do that.

You know, there are lots of stereotypes out there like when Chinese when they think about American style parenting，there are lots of myths，there are lots of stereotypes. One of the main things is this whole independence. Very early on，they focus on independence. Would you say that's real?

That’s fairly real, actually. That's not too much of a stereotype because a big value to Americans is independence, so for us we start working on it kind of early.

So, one thing you'll notice is a lot of Americans, well, due to the fact they probably have a bigger house is children from usually day one, will have their own bedroom.

Oh yeah, you do see that very often. That's why they have the baby monitor.有监控器

Yeah，so they have their own nursery, a TV shows like that's so far away from the parents' bedroom, it's like no, usually it's right next to the parents' bedroom. They don't put them on the opposite ends of the house, that's not a smart idea.

So it's not very common for new parents to let their baby sleep in the same bed or right next to their bed.

No, I mean, some Americans do, but by far the most common thing is to put them in a crib and start them off in their own room. I mean, as a parent，I can really see how that's really beneficial because you might get a bit more sleep and it does teach the child to self-soothe，so they learn how to calm themselves down at night.

I have a question though, and I think a lot of the audience would like to ask because in China we talk about ‘育儿嫂’‘月嫂’ and all of those people who you hire to take care of your kids or otherwise we can rely on parents from time to time.

I had one in China.

You had one, like nanny?

When my son was born, yeah, we did.

Do you still have a nanny?

I don't have that kind of money.

Uh, but what is like in America, what is the general situation? Do people have a nanny or is that something much of a luxury?

No, to American, nannies are a sign of wealth because they are not cheap to be able to afford one. I mean, people hire babysitters for like watching your kid for 2 hours while you do something but having a full-on nanny that's very uncommon. So, when your child is born in America，it's usually parents doing it，mom and dad from the very beginning. Sometimes you know, grandparents will help us if they are able to, but it's mostly parents.

Grandparents they will help but parents usually don't like rely on them to that extent, do they？Because they can't say no，they can't say we have our own life, we are not taking care of your kids.

You also have to think about, usually when parents have their first children，grandparents are still working，they haven't retired yet.

Umm, that's true.

So they can't take time off from work too to take care of the grandchild, plus they might have multiple grandchildren.

So it’s just simply impossible. Umm, let's dial it back a little bit, when kids are a bit small，what do Americans generally let their kids do？Do you let your kids go to different classes or all these early education thing？

The early education classes are far less common in America. We do have them, I mean, some American companies set up here in China too，but they are really something that only exist in cities. I grew up mostly in small towns countryside，so they weren't part of my life and for many Americans，it's also not part of their lives.

So, a lot of children they get to explore just going to the park，trying things, I mean, parents get the kids to like sports，music and art. But this is mostly going to be done at home with family like mom or dad, it's like, OK, today let's play with paint and you know，kids will be like, get your hands and all that stuff dirty and finger paint，hand paint，paint the face, you know, do what kids do. And we do it this way. So a lot more of parent with child activities instead of like early education classes as they're honestly not available，they would also be expensive，so a lot of parents couldn't afford them.

And I often hear about play dates. Is that very common like, for two families to set up a play dates?

That does happen. So young parents, it was like we're all going to go to park this Thursday，you want to come along? Then you all go to the park together. You do family picnics，things like that does happen, it is fairly common. Usually a lot of Americans they have close friends that also have kids.

Roughly at the same age?

Roughly at the same age, so it's pretty convenient to set it up.

Um, I think this is very common in China as well. But what about this, you know, nowadays we constantly talk about how Chinese are putting off having kids or not wanting to have kids because of this immense pressure in all these schools to go to, classes to go to, scores to have, what about the general situation in America? Do parents feel the pressure from early on?

No, not even a little bit and that has to do how the school system works. You go to public school in America，you go to the school district you live in and that's true from primary school all the way through high school.

So all those early education classes don't matter，they don't give you an edge.

Another thing is when you say this，then a lot of people in China would say that it's a class thing. So it's like in America，when you're like upper middle class，for example，people also do get really stressed out about their kids' education, sending their kids to these prestigious private schools same as in China. Is that somewhat true?

For the wealthy. Average Americans no, because most Americans they go to public school, so they don't think about it much. I mean, parents do care about which schools the kids go to，but the solution is like, OK, let's move.

You don't have to buy, you just have to live in there.

You can just rent, there's no reason to buy. A lot of young people who are having kids, one of the things they look at is the school district you can get like information about it. It’s like, if we live here, this is the school district and how good it is. It's OK, we'll live here.

But like, all these extracurricular activities and kids do them，I did them growing up. But they are mostly to foster children's interest，not really anything to do with getting into better schools.

There's a little caveat to that which if you get really into a hobby and you can get awards or competitions，this can help you for university application.

But not so much for school?

School won't get affected at all.

I see, this is very interesting. So later on, it can lead to things like varsity and something like that.

Oh varsity is part of high school. That's only for sports. I'm thinking like this is for extracurricular activities like when you're in a high school level，like you get to high school and now you're taking part in whether it's speech competitions，sports or other… there are so many different things you could do, and they can help you get into talk to universities，but they're not requirement. There are lots of avenues for that and we've touched on that in previous episode before in fact.

So that's about schoolwork learning. What about these responsibilities around the house for example, household chores?

As my parents told me, you know, we had three children to help around the house.

Do you get pocket money because of that?

I didn't, but many kids do. I was not one of them.

Is it common for parents to so called to bribe their kids into doing housework so that they get pocket money？

I don't think bribing is what really happens. Punishing them is what happens, it's like you do this or you don't get something. We take things away. So like the common chores you get kids to do at young ages，they can help do the dishes meaning they can help put things in the dishwasher or take things out of the dishwasher. They can help take the plates off the table and bring them to the kitchen. As they get older，they can do more things.

We were like taking the garbage out，growing up I had to do，we had to wash the dishes，clean the floors，do our own laundry，cut the grass，take out the garbage，or clean the dust off the shelves and stuff. We all did that as kids, parents didn't do it for us.

One thing I think is quite different in China and in America, I think a lot of our audience would agree is I think nowadays is probably changing in China but when I was growing up, there is still this whole idea as‘早恋’in Chinese, which is, I know you speak Chinese James, so basically it's premature dating.

Right.

That's not a thing in America, is it? There's no such thing people ask me how to translate that. There's no such thing as ‘早恋’in America.

No it's one of those things that doesn't translate because dating happens in high school and I wouldn't say the word is encouraged，but it is just seen as normal development.

The idea for most Americans is they're okay with it as long as it doesn't interfere too much with other things.

Like their studies.

Like school and families first and things like that, not dating. You could date if you have the time for it。

Do they usually have a curfew?

Oh yes，that is very much a thing, so like if we're talking about high school，10 o'clock is usually the common curfew to be home by. Maybe on weekends or like during holidays it'll be a bit later.

And apart from dating, what about another grown up thing to do which is actually getting paid part time？

Yeah，that's actually really encouraged because a lot of parents like the idea of their teenage children getting part time work because it teaches things like money management and where money comes from and plus teenagers start to develop expensive hobbies. And one of those hobbies in America is driving as you can drive at sixteen. Parents can't afford all these things for their kids, so it's a way for the kids to learn this is how we get money, this is how we need to think about saving it to buy the things we want, to buy the new car, pay for insurance. So, yeah.

Like if you want all these things，then go and make money and get it yourself.

Yeah, work for McDonald's，they'll hire teenagers.

But what if they don't have expensive taste, like if they don't really want to spend that much money, would parents still want their kids to go out and get a part time job?

Yeah, a lot of parents would encourage it, for the other things it teaches, the working just about what it's like to have a job，you know, get experience and that actually can help you also in college applications to see that you've actually worked.

I’ve never thought about it that way. OK, I think we're going to wrap up the basic episode here, in the advanced episode let's dig into the roles of moms and dads，which apparently is a bit different in America.

Okay，sounds good.

Thank you James for coming to the show.

Glad to be here.

If you're listening to the show and if you're a parent whichever country you're in right now raising your kids，let us know what you think about parenting. I'll see you next time.

Bye everyone.

Bye.

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