Seven. A man is driving home from work when his wife calls him on his cell phone.
"Phil!" she shouts in a panic, "Please be careful! I just heard that some lunatic is driving the wrong way on Route 80."
"You won't believe it, Doris," he replies. "It's not just one car; it's hundreds of them!"
In other words... Sometimes there is a reason everybody's doing it one way. (Yes, Mom, we hear you!)
Eight. After weeks of rain, a town flooded and residents had to be evacuated.
At one house, rescue workers found a man standing waist-deep in water. "C'mon! Get in the boat!" the rescuers shouted.
The man shouted back, "No! I have faith in God, and He will save me!"
Soon the floodwaters chased the man to the second floor. Luckily, though, another boat came by.
很快，洪水把这个人冲到了二楼 。幸运的是，另一艘船经过 。
"Get in the boat!" the rescuers urged. "No way!" the man said. "I have faith in God, and He will save me!"
The floodwaters continued to rise, and the man had to climb to the roof of his house.
Fortunately, a rescue helicopter came by and dropped a ladder for him. The pilot shouted through a megaphone, "Grab the ladder!"The man refused.
幸运的是，一架救援直升机经过，为他扔下了一架梯子 。飞行员通过扩音器喊道：“抓住梯子！”那人拒绝了 。
"No! I have faith in God, and He will save me!" But the floodwaters rose above the roof.
“不！我相信上帝，他必救我 。”但是洪水涨到了屋顶上 。
The man was swept away and drowned. When he arrived at the pearly gates, he demanded an audience with God.
那人被冲走淹死了 。当他到达天国之门时，他要求见上帝 。
"God," he said, "I was certain that you would save me, but you let me die.
Why? Why did you abandon me?" God replied, "What do you mean? I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"
In other words... If you hold out for a gift tied up with a bow, you might miss the present right in front of you.
Nine. A guy takes his date to a dinner at the local country club.
It's an unusual setup: People have to wait in separate lines for each item on the menu.
As his date sits down, the guy volunteers to go get their dinner.
First he waits in the line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for the potatoes.
他先排队买烤牛肉 。然后他排队买土豆 。
Then he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, the salad line, and the gravy line.
Finally he brings back two heaping plates of food. "Are you thirsty?" he asks his date.
最后，他带回了两盘堆积如山的食物 。“你渴吗？”他问他的约会对象 。
"What would you like to drink?" "A glass of punch would be nice," she says.
“你想喝什么？”“一杯潘趣酒就可以 。”她说 。
So the guy goes to get it. He finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda, and even a line for milk.
所以他就去取酒 。他看到了一条卖红酒的队列，一条卖啤酒的队列，一条卖汽水的队列，甚至还有一条卖牛奶的队列 。
After considering all his options, he gives up and returns empty-handed.
In other words... Sometimes there is no punch line. Know when to walk away.
换言之...有时候你买不到潘趣酒 。你要知道什么时候走开 。
From the day you arrive at my house, you need not spend a single penny.
How did you come by that cheque?
I should have held out for a better deal...