Ladies and gentlemen, Mother's Day was yesterday
女士们先生们 昨天是母亲节
and if you're like me everyone was struggling to find the right present
我猜大家都跟我一样到处找合适的礼物
but a 3-D printing company in Alabama offered what we think might be the perfect gift
阿拉巴马州一个3D打印公司提出了这样一个想法
because for only $30,000 they would send your mom a 3-D printed life-sized replica of yourself for mom's special day.
就是花3万刀买一个跟你一样的等身玩偶送给妈妈
I mean, this is the perfect way to be a disappointment to your mom twice.
这可真是让你妈妈连着失望两次的好办法
See, mom, there is something worse than me not calling.
看吧 妈 还是有比我不打电话更让你生气的
It's $30,000. Like if you want a 3-D replica of yourself it's literally cheaper to have a child.
这可是3万刀啊 如果你想要一个3D打印的自己 我觉得生孩子还是更便宜一点儿
You know that someone, somewhere got a phone call from their mom yesterday like Dennis, I love you but why did you send me a sex doll?
想象下某人某天接到他妈妈的电话说 丹尼斯 我很想你 你为什么给我寄了个性爱玩具啊

Also, Dad want to know if you can send him one that looks like me 20 years ago.
还有 你爸说他也想要一个我年轻20岁的模样的
Also in the news, I don't know if you saw this,
新闻还说 不知道你们看到没有
some former Facebook employees are making headlines by saying when they worked at the company
脸书前雇员的几条新闻上了头条
they were told to actively suppress conservative news stories to keep them from trending on the site, right.
这几个员工说 他们在脸书上班时 曾被要求管控一些保守党新闻的传播 以阻止这类消息的蔓延
I have news for these former Facebook employees, it didn't work.
关于这个 我这儿也有些消息 这种做法是没用的
Like you're uncle is more than make up for it by posting five anti-Obama articles a day.
你叔叔每天并不是只发5条反对奥巴马的文章
Facebook has no place manipulating the news.
脸书也并没有权力操控新闻
Like they should just stick to what they're good at which is spying on us and then selling our information to banana republic.
他们应该做好自己擅长的事就好了 也就是监视我们的动向 然后把我们的信息卖给香蕉共和国
Finally in the news today I don't know if you saw this but KFC announced and this is completely true,
今天的最后一条新闻 不知道你们看到没有 这是真事儿 肯德基宣布
they'll be selling an edible nail polish that tastes just like their fried chicken.
他们即将开始售卖一种炸鸡味儿的指甲油
I know. I know.
我明白 我明白
If you're the kind of person who buys KFC edible nail polish your fingers probably already taste like fried chicken.
如果你会想买这种指甲油的话 你的手估计已经是炸鸡味儿的了