When it comes to children, fathers often take their cues from mothers.
所有涉及孩子的事，父亲都会唯母亲马首是瞻，
This gives a mother great power to encourage or impede the father's involvement.
这就给了母亲极大的权力来鼓励或是阻止父亲的介入。
If she acts as a gatekeeper mother and is reluctant to hand over responsibility, or worse, questions the father's efforts, he does less.
如果她总像个看门人似的，不愿意“放权”，甚至还质疑丈夫的努力，那么他就会越做越少。
Whenever a married woman asks me for advice on coparenting with a husband,
每当已婚女人问我怎样和丈夫一起带孩子时，
I tell her to let him put the diaper on the baby any way he wants as long as he's doing it himself.
我都会回答：“你就放开手，让他去给孩子换尿布，只要他亲自动手，怎么换都行。
And if he gets up to deal with the diaper before being asked, she should smile even if he puts that diaper on the baby's head.
如果没等你吩咐他就去给孩子换尿布，那么就算他把尿布戴在孩子头上你也应该面带微笑。
Over time, if he does things his way, he'll find the correct end.
让他自己尝试去做，久而久之他就会了解正确的方法。
But if he's forced to do things her way, pretty soon she'll be doing them herself.
但如果被迫按照你的方式来，那么很快所有的事情都得你自己动手。”
Anyone who wants her mate to be a true partner must treat him as an equal—and equally capable— partner.
如果希望另一半变成真正的人生搭档，首先得把对方看成与自己地位平等（也同样有能力）的好伙伴。
And if that's not reason enough,
如果这么说理由还不充分，
bear in mind that a study found that wives who engage in gatekeeping behaviors do five more hours of family work per week than wives who take a more collaborative approach.
那就再加上一条研究结果：与在家务上与丈夫共同分担的女性相比，“固守母职”的女性一周会多干5个小时的家务。
Another common and counterproductive dynamic occurs when women assign or suggest tasks to their partners.
女性在给另一半分配或暗示任务时有种常见的心理，这往往导致事与愿违：
She is delegating, and that's a step in the right direction.
她总认为自己是在下指令。当然这在理论上是没错，
But sharing responsibility should mean sharing responsibility.
但分担责任应该是双方共同的事，
Each partner needs to be in charge of specific activities or it becomes too easy for one to feel like he's doing a favor instead of doing his part.
否则对其中一个人来说，就很容易感觉是在帮对方的忙而不是在尽自己的一份力。