Thank you! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for staying up.
谢谢大家 晚上好 女士们先生们 谢谢你们等这么晚看我们的节目
I know it's extra hard today because yesterday we sprang forward.
我知道今天对于大家来说是很艰难的 因为昨天的时钟往前拨快了一个小时
This weekend was daylight savings time which is the day we all lose an hour of our lives.
本周末的白天要节约时间 因为我们会失去生命中的一个小时
Plus, I watched the democratic debate yesterday
而且 我昨天还看了共和党的辩论
so this weekend I actually lost three hours of my life.
也就是说我实际上失去了生命中的三个小时
But it's tough, it's tough for everyone.
这件事对每个人来说都不容易
Look at the poor band over there. Look at these guys.
看看那边我们可怜的乐队 看看
No no no! They had to wake and bake an hour earlier today.
他们今天要比平常性的早一个小时好来伴奏
You can't be annoyed with that joke when you are wearing those glasses!
你带着这个眼镜怎么可能会生气呢
And we all know the reason you're wearing those glasses is so no one can see your eyes.
我们都知道你戴这个眼睛是为了不让别人看见你的眼睛

But we're not just tired today, we're also distracted.
我们今天不仅累 而且还容易走神
Because the NCAA college basketball championship bracket is set.
因为全美大学生篮球冠军赛已经安排好了
Yes, it's time for March Madness!
现在是愤怒的三月
Or you know as Kanye West calls it, March.
或者按照侃爷的说法 三月
It's that special time of year when Sandy in HR wins the entire office pool because she thinks Chattanooga has a cute name.
这也是一年中最特别的日子 桑迪仅仅因为提出查塔努家这个名字很可爱而获得全办公室的支持
Do you know what I mean? It sounds like a talkative train! I don't know.
你们知道我什么意思吗 就像火车突然会讲话了一样
But this is how popular March madness is.
这就是愤怒的三月
Doctors have found a sudden rise in vasectomies coincides with the start of the NCAA tournament, right.
医生发现 随着全美大学生篮球赛的开展 需要做输精管切除术的病人突然增多
This is real, apparently guys are scheduling their vasectomies for the beginning of the tournament
这是真的 大家都想安排时间去做输精管切除术
so that they can have four days of rest and not miss any of the games.
好空出四天来看全美大学生篮球赛
I wanna say you know there's an easier way to get 4 days off work to watch basketball.
我想说 想翘班四天去看全美大学生篮球联赛很简单啊
You can just say you got a vasectomy, you don't actually have to do it!
就直接说你要去做输精管切除术 而并不需要真的去做
Your boss isn't going to ask you okay Larry drop your pants.
反正老板又不会说 拉里 裤子脱下来我检查下
We both know you were out of vacation days.
大家都知道你的假已经请玩了
This sounds a bad idea to me. Do you know what I mean?
反正这个主意在我看来并不在怎么样 明白吗
In December you're telling people you're thinking of getting a vasectomy,
十二月的时候 你说你想去做输精管切除术
and then your buddy Carl is like, no, man. Schedule it for March.
你的兄弟卡尔会劝你说 别 留着三月再做吧
You get 4 days off to watch basketball. And you're like, great idea.
这样就可以腾出四天来看篮球赛了 然后你说 真聪明
And then you get your wife pregnant in January and you're like damn it, Carl!
结果你妻子一月怀孕了 你说 靠 卡尔这个傻逼
If it's really that popular, are you sure you want to get in on that trend? Do you know what I mean?
如果这手术真的那么火的话 你确定你想赶这个潮流吗 想清楚了吗
Like: A vasectomy is not something you want to get at the busiest time of the year.
你不会愿意在一年中输精管切除术最热门的时候去做的
It's not an iPhone. It's an unnecessary surgery on the most delicate part of your body.
他又不是iPhone 这是对你身体最脆弱部分的一个最没必要的手术
You know if they screw it up,
要知道 如果手术失败
there's no amount of basketball games that's going to make it okay.
没有任何一场篮球赛能挽回
One slip of the knife and your elite eight becomes a final four. If you know what I'm saying?
刀一滑 你的精英八强就变成了最终四强 你明白我意思吧
But whether you're laying in bed or watching in the office March madness does promise to be exciting this year.
不管你是躺在床上看 还是在办公室看 今年的疯狂三月一定很精彩
Because there were a few surprises who made it into the tournament.
因为场上会有不少惊喜
The Oregon state beavers made it in, ending a 26-year march madness drought for the team.
俄勒冈州的海狸队在沉寂26年后终于又有了入场资格
I mean 26 years, that is quite a beaver drought.
二十六年啊 确实是太久了
I had one of those in high school.
我高中时就去过了
One of my own.
这是我自己写的
But of course this year trump university did not make it this year.
当然今年特朗普大学的学生也没有比赛资格
Apparently the NCAA has these really strict rules that says the college can't be a made-up Ponzi scheme.
因为全美大学生联盟有明确规定 参与学校不能是庞氏骗局那样的组织
I'm excited for march madness, I really am.
我为疯狂三月感到激动 真的
Even though I have to say my favorite team didn't make it.
但我还是要说 我最喜欢的大学没能上场
That's of course New Jersey's Mommith university.
也就是新泽西蒙默思郡大学
What just happened?
刚怎么了
Are you from that university? Yes. You're joking.
你们是哪个学校的吗 对 你开玩笑的吧
Are you serious? Yes, yes.
真的假的 真的 真的
No way! It's amazing. You all speak in unison!
不可能把 太神奇了 你们都一起讲话的
Look you're all from there! Yeah!
你们都是那个学校的吗 对
You're not making this up? No!
没骗我吧 没有
I have my student ID.
我还有学生证
You have your student ID? It's all right. I'm pretending to give a ...
你还带了学生证 没事 我就是假装……
This is amazing, I'll be—Honestly, I absolutely love with Monmouth university's basketball team.
太神奇了 我——真的 我很喜欢蒙默思郡大学的篮球队
I have never seen you play. I just watched the bench.
我没看你们打球 因为我一直在看候选席上的动静
It all goes down.
球传过去了
Robinson really put it in!
罗宾逊进球了
Appropriately!
差一点
They're resuscitating putting it back to life.
他们救回了这个球
Let's see what you got?
看看你这边怎么样
Looks like it's a little bit on the—
看起来有点——
Oh, look at that. That's my favorite!
看这 这个是我最喜欢的
They absolutely are the best! They really really are the best! Thanks for being here, guys.
他们绝对是最棒的 绝对是 谢谢你们的到来