Side effects may include...
副作用包括……
OK. Anyone here thinking of quitting your job and deciding to become an artist.
在做有人想辞职做艺术家的吗
If you are thinking of quitting your job and deciding to become an artist,
如果有的话
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include...
要知道这是有副作用的 副作用包括……
Taking one of those classes where you draw naked people.
上课要花别人的裸体
Getting kicked out of one of those classes where you draw naked people for painting with...
因为某次上课用人体自带的画具
you know... the body's natural paintbrush—your penis.
也就是你的生殖器画画被赶出课堂
Selling your paint supplies on craigslist and deciding ceramics is more up your alley.
在克雷格上卖画 发现还是做瓷器更适合你
Realizing your landlord won't accept handmade coffee mugs as payment for rent.
发现你的房东并不能接受用手磨咖啡来抵房租
And the final side effect for quitting your job and deciding to become an artist
终极副作用是
is finally understanding your real hobby is data entry for a mid-level carpeting manufacturer.
最终发现你真整的爱好其实是为一个中产阶级的毛毯生产商做数据录入
Not everyone can be an artist.
并不是每个人都能成为艺术家

Anyone thinking about taking a Caribbean cruise?
有人想坐游轮去加勒比海玩一圈吗
If you are thinking of taking a Caribbean cruise,
如果有的话
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include...
要知道这是有副作用的 副作用包括……
Not knowing if you're on a Caribbean cruise or a Caribbean cruise.
到最后也没搞清楚到底是加勒比邮轮还是克勒比邮轮
Refusing to drink anything that doesn't have a tiny umbrella in it.
不管什么饮料 上面没插小雨伞的都不喝
Being the millionth person to do the 'king of the world' pose from the front of the boat.
成为一一百万个在船头摆出我是世界之王姿势的人
Spending the entire time avoiding that overly friendly couple you met on day one.
整个旅程的时间都花在躲避那对过分热情的夫妻身上了
Gaining weight because you keep eating to avoid admitting to yourself that you aren't having any fun.
为了拒绝承认自己玩的一点也不开心这个事实 不停的吃东西 然后长胖了
And the final side effect to taking a Caribbean cruise is returning to your office job with cornrows.
终极副作用就是 扎着小脏辫 回去上班了
Now anyone here ever thinking of being late for work?
这里有人想过上班迟到的吗
If you're thinking of being—
有的话——
Reggie, yeah.
雷吉
You are thinking about it.
你有这种想法吗
Yeah. Just thinking about it. OK.
嗯 就是想想 好吧
Well, if you're thinking of being late for work,
如果你想上班迟到的话
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include...
要知道这是有副作用的 副作用包括……
You miss the bagels.
错过早上的百吉饼
Asking Karen, "what did I miss in the morning meeting?"And Karen doesn't respond.
问凯伦 晨会上说什么啦 凯伦不理你
Asking Doug, "what did I miss in the morning meeting?" He doesn't even look at you.
问道格 晨会上说什么啦 道格看都不看你一眼
Your best friend at work, Rachel, walks into the office crying.
跟你关系最好的同事 米歇尔 哭着走进办公室
Looking outside the window and seeing your car completely totaled.
看着窗外 你的车停在那里
Realizing that you're a ghost.
突然意识到自己是个没人看得见的鬼魂
And the final side effect of being late for work is high-fiving your ghost friends
终极副作用就是跟你的鬼魂朋友们击掌庆祝
because you don't have to go to work anymore.
因为你们再也不用上班了
Anyone here thinking of going to a tapas restaurant?
有人想去小吃店吗
An audible whoop from a lady!
女性观众的欢呼声很高啊
If you are thinking of going to a tapas restaurant,
如果有人想去小吃店的话
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include...
要知道这是有副作用的 包括……
Texting your friends, "Cool, meet you there", while you Google the word "tapas".
一边跟朋友发着消息说 好啊 到时见 一边上网搜tapas是什么意思
Smiling as you realize tonight's the night to wear your fedora.
发现今晚可以戴你的软呢帽时 开心的笑了
Keeping track of how much food everyone at the table has had
默默记着每个人吃了多少
so you know who's eating more than the unspoken amount per person.
好知道谁吃的超过限额了
Thinking tapas must be Spanish for "still hungry".
觉得tapas在西班牙语里的意思应该是还是很饿
Suggesting to the waitress they should be called "tappetizers".
跟服务生建议他们应该叫做开胃小菜
Realizing it would've been cheaper to just buy four entrees.
意识到点四道主菜应该还便宜些
And the final side effect of going to a tapas restaurant
终极副作用就是
is bragging to people the next day that you went out for "tapath".
第二天跟朋友吹牛说自己去吃了餐前小路