But each time, they were gnawing at me, eating at me.
And I'd like to be able to say to you that my worst mistakes only happened in the first five years of practice as many of my colleagues say, which is total B.S.
Some of my doozies have been in the last five years.
Alone, ashamed and unsupported.
Here's the problem: If I can't come clean and talk about my mistakes,
if I can't find the still-small voice that tells me what really happened, how can I share it with my colleagues?
How can I teach them about what I did so that they don't do the same thing?
If I were to walk into a room -- like right now, I have no idea what you think of me.
当我走入一个场合时 -- 就像现在，我完全不知道各位如何看待我。
When was the last time you heard somebody talk about failure after failure after failure?
Oh yeah, you go to a cocktail party and you might hear about some other doctor, but you're not going to hear somebody talking about their own mistakes.
是的，如果你们去参加一场聚会，你或许会听到某些关于其他医生的错误的闲聊， 但你不会听到有人 谈论自己所犯的错误。
If I were to walk into a room filled with my colleages and ask for their support right now and start to tell what I've just told you right now,
I probably wouldn't get through two of those stories before they would start to get really uncomfortable,
somebody would crack a joke, they'd change the subject and we would move on.
And in fact, if I knew and my colleagues knew that one of my orthopedic colleagues took off the wrong leg in my hospital,
believe me, I'd have trouble making eye contact with that person.
That's the system that we have.
It's a complete denial of mistakes.