I stayed in every night, plugging away, and based on the time I put in, I should have gotten an A for effort. I got a C.
于是，我每天晚上都待在宿舍里，挑灯夜战。基于我投入的时间和努力，我的论文应该得A，最后的成绩却是C。
It is virtually impossible to get a C at Harvard if the assignment is turned in.
在哈佛大学，要求上交的作业通常是不可能得C的，
I am not exaggerating—this was the equivalent of a failing grade.
我一点也没夸张——这简直相当于留级。
I went to see my dorm proctor, who worked at the admissions office.
我去见了在招生办公室工作的主管。
She told me that I had been admitted to Harvard for my personality, not my academic potential. Very comforting.
她告诉我，哈佛大学之所以录取我是因为看中了我的品格，而不是我在学业上的潜质。这话倒挺有安慰作用。
I buckled down, worked harder, and by the end of the semester, I learned how to write five-page papers.
此后，我更加专注、更加努力地学习。到了期末，我终于学会了怎样写5页的论文。
But no matter how well I did academically, I always felt like I was about to get caught for not really knowing anything.
但是，不管我在学业上做得多么好，我总觉得自己会被抓个现形，人们会发现我并没有真的学到什么。
It wasn't until I heard the Phi Beta Kappa speech about self-doubt that it struck me:
直到我听到帕吉·麦金托什关于自我怀疑的演讲，我被震住了：
the real issue was not that I felt like a fraud, but that I could feel something deeply and profoundly and be completely wrong.
真正的问题不在于我觉得自己像个骗子，而是我感受到了内心深处的某种东西……而且它还是个彻头彻尾的错误。
I should have understood that this kind of self-doubt was more common for females from growing up with my brother.
根据我和弟弟戴维一起长大的经历，我很清楚这种形式的自我怀疑对女性来说是件寻常的事。
David is two years younger than I am and one of the people in the world whom I respect and love the most.
戴维比我小两岁，我们之间的感情很好。
At home, he splits child care duties with his wife fifty-fifty;
在家里，他与妻子共同分担照顾孩子的责任；
at work, he's a pediatric neurosurgeon whose days are filled with heart-wrenching life-and-death decisions.
他是一个儿童神经外科医生，每天都在见证令人心痛的疾病以及事关生死的决定。
Although we had the same upbringing, David has always been more confident.
尽管我们在同一个家庭长大，但戴维总是显得比我更自信。