Side effects may include—Holiday Edition
副作用有——节假日版
OK. Anyone who works in office we're doing one right here.
有人在办公室上班的吗 好 这边有一位
Anyone knows a secret Santa?
有人知道神秘的圣诞老人吗
You know what a secret Santa is?
你们知道神秘的圣诞老人是什么吗
As I like to call it, confidentiality clause.
我喜欢叫它 保密条款
Well, if you do know a secret Santa work,
如果你知道神秘的圣诞老人是怎么玩的的话
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include
你应该知道这是有副作用的 包括
trying to figure out who the hell Diane is without asking anyone.
想在不问任何人的情况下搞清楚谁是戴安
Realizing that the person you asked is Diane.
发现你就是问的戴安
Spending way more than the budget limit to get back in Diane's good graces.
为了获得戴安的友情 开支超出了预算
Getting Diane such a perfect gift that she gets the wrong idea.
给戴安买了个特别好的礼物 让她误会了
And the final side effect to doing a secret Santa is avoiding Diane.
终极副作用就是要躲着戴安

Anyone thinking of bringing home a new girlfriend to meet their family for Christmas this year.
有没有人想今年圣诞节带新女朋友回家见家长的
Well, if you are, if you are bringing your new girlfriend home with you for Christmas,
如果有的话 如果你想带新女朋友回家过圣诞节
you should know there are side effects and those side effects may include—
你应该知道这是有副作用的 包括——
Warning her about your family so much beforehand that she thinks you're exaggerating.
提前多次警告她小心你的家里人 以至于她觉得你太夸张了
She meets them and realizes you aren't exaggerating.
她见了你的家人发现你一点儿没夸张
Having to interrupt your father as he starts saying something about those Chinese.
在你父亲开始说“那些中国人”的时候开口阻止他
Forgetting to tell her that when uncle Jimmy opens his arms and says, don't be shy, to definitely be shy.
忘了告诉她 当你吉米叔叔张开胳膊对她说 不要害羞的时候 一定要害羞
And the final side effect to bringing your new girlfriend home with you for Christmas
带女朋友回家过圣诞节的终极副作用就是
is being single on New Year's.
新年变成单身狗
What about—Last minute shopping—
那么——最后一分钟秒杀活动——
Everyone does a bit of last-minute shopping on Christmas Eve.
每个人平安夜应该都参加过最后一分钟秒杀活动吧
If you are thinking of doing last-minute shopping on Christmas Eve,
如果你在考虑参加这个活动的话
you should know there are side effects.
要知道是有副作用的
And those side effects may include—
副作用包括——
A panic attack when you realize stores close at 4 p.m.
突然恐慌的发现商店凌晨四点才关门
Hearing someone scream, let go of that x-box or I'll finish you, bitch!
听到有人尖叫 放下那个游戏机不然我就结果了你 贱人
And then realizing that you're the one screaming it.
然后意识到尖叫的那个人是你自己
Despite being 37, having a toddler style meltdown at the bottom of an escalator.
尽管已经37岁了 还会像个孩子一样在电梯里崩溃大哭
Everyone you love finding out for certain that you do not think about them ever.
每个你爱的人都发现 你从来不为他们着想
And the final side effect to last-minute shopping on Christmas eve is spending $348 at CVS.
参加平安夜最后一分钟秒杀活动的终极副作用就是 在CVS买了348刀的东西
One more? Want one more?
还想听吗 再来一个
All right. What about this one?
好 这个吧
Anyone here thinking about untangling Christmas lights while you reflect on your marriage?
有没有人想起去解开自己婚礼上的圣诞节装饰彩灯
If you are thinking of doing that, you should know there are side effects.
如果有的话 要知道这是有副作用的
And the side effects to untangling Christmas lights as you reflect on your marriage are—
想解开自己婚礼上的圣诞节装饰彩灯的副作用包括——
Muttering what a mess over and over.
一遍遍的重复“太乱了”
Asking, shouldn't it be easier than this?
问 不应该挺简单的吗
Knowing that when your friend's lights got this bad, he just threw them out.
发现当你朋友家的灯乱成这样的时候 他早把灯扔了
Realizing that every knot is a result of another knot
发现每个结都是上个结造成的
and the way to avoid knots in the first place is to make sure the lights you buy are really good ones,
一开始就避开这些结的办法是 确保你买的灯质量还不错
and these lights haven't touched you in months!
而这些灯你已经几个月没碰过了
Fantasizing about newer, younger lights that don't give you such a hard time.
喜欢上那些不会给你造成这么多麻烦的更新的灯
And the final side effect—what is it even called?
终极副作用是——是什么来着
The final side effect to untangling Christmas light as you reflect on your marriage
想解开婚礼上那些缠在一起的装饰彩灯的终极副作用是
is remembering it's all worth it after seeing how happy these lights make your kids...
当发现你的孩子很喜欢这些彩灯的时候觉得一切都值得了...
and who are you kidding, you're too old to get new lights anyway.
而且以你的年纪 已经不适合玩这些灯了