演讲文本

Let's give it up a round of applause

让我们用热烈掌声感谢那些

for those paying out-of-state tuition, shall we?

支付高额州外学费的同学 好吗

Because without those people

因为 没有这些人

tomorrow instead of wearing gowns and mortarboards

今后你们将不再是穿着长袍和方帽毕业

you'd be graduating in ponchos made of hefty bags

而是穿着大麻袋制成的斗篷

with used pizza boxes on your head

头顶旧批萨盒毕业

But as has been stated before

不过就像我之前说的

the most impressive ranking of all

最令人印象深刻的排名是

has got to be Playboy once again naming you

花花公子杂志又一次将你们评为

the number one party school in America

美国排名第一的派对学校

Now to be clear, I only read Playboy for the rankings

申明一点 我看花花公子 都是只读排名

but I'm not surprised by this honor

我对这个荣誉并不惊奇

because I have seen you in action

因为我亲眼见过

When I used to visit back in the day

我原来还总是回到这里

I spent a fair amount of time at the Phi Kapp house

花不少时间到Phi Kapp屋

which at that time had no doors

它当时没有门

because apparently they kept getting partied off hinges

门显然是因为派对太疯狂 而从铰链上掉了下来

and I won't go into more about those days

过去那些往事我就不多讲了

because I do not remember them

因为 我记不得了

and you know this is an impressive institution

你们知道 这是一所令人钦佩的大学

because it rejected my application

因为它拒绝了我的申请

Yes in the spring of 1984 I applied as a transfer student

对 1984年春 我作为转校生提出申请

and at the time you could send your essay in after the rest of the application

而当时 你可以在申请过后再提交论文

Well apparently the admissions board

显然 招生委员会

took issue with the content of my essay

对我论文的内容产生了异议

which was none because I never sent it

但是压根就没有 我根本就没有提交

人物简介和演讲视频

人物简介

本视频是美国著名喜剧演员斯蒂芬·科尔伯特在弗吉尼亚大学2013届毕业典礼上的演讲。演讲中，科尔伯特尽显"冷面笑匠"本色，各种冷笑话、双关语、绕口令源源不断，台下掌声雷动。科尔伯特首先是将同弗吉尼亚大学相关的事物，竭尽所能地挖苦了一通，连后面坐着的弗吉尼亚大学校长、以及弗吉尼亚大学创始人兼美国国父之一的托马斯·杰斐逊也不能幸免。最后科尔伯特转述了杰斐逊的一番话，语气看似挖苦，实则以此勉励在场的毕业生们，为他们提供未来道路上的建议。